All of my life I have fought the mere thought of resting.
Even when I was little I refused to take naps. I would play until I was completely exhausted. Sometimes I would lay down for a nap with my mom if she was lucky. But I felt like I always had to be "up" and "moving" because my mind was always busy. I always had to be ON, always afraid I was going to miss something if I fell asleep. I never wanted to rest.
All my life I've felt like I had to be busy. Doing something. Moving around, at least. And if I allowed myself to sit still, I had to be doing 2 or 3 things while I sat. Such as watching tv and reading a book. Working on the computer doing research on something and listening to the radio. Writing a book and petting the dog with my foot. Doing my Bible Study and watching a movie and talking to someone on the phone. I've always made a great multi-tasker.
But rest? No way!
There was a time when I literally made myself sick with all my busy-ness. There was a time when I was ordered by the doctor to rest. I didn't listen very well, but eventually I did get better.
Then last year, GOD told me to rest.
Not just rest my body, but to rest my mind, my soul, and my emotions as well. I heard it very distinctly one day as I, stressed out, cried out to God in the midst of all my problems and fears, "WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT ALL THIS!?!"
And He said, "Let ME do it."
Later in my prayers, He told me again, "Be still."
The best I can say about last year is that I tried.
My walk with God began to be renewed. I started TRYING to lean on Him. I started TRYING to trust Him. I started TRYING to believe He really loved me. I started TRYING to believe the Bible better than I had before.
But it isn't until this week--THIS WEEK--over a year later--that I think I can say I GET IT. The resting in God thing. I think I'm actually doing it.
I have begun to let things go. I have started to say goodbye to my past. Really, literally say Goodbye. I have started to take naps, even if it isn't a Saturday after everything around the house is done. I believe, finally, that God is taking care of me and the problems going on in my life. I know He has a plan. I know He loves me and accepts me. I know that if I'm asleep, its okay, because God is watching over me. I don't have to stay awake and stay busy all the time to make sure I don't miss something because God is the one who is always on, always omniscient and omnipresent, and HE is watching everything. My burden is getting lighter. What was it that Jesus said? To follow Him because his burden is easy and light? I am starting to see now why he said that.
Follow Jesus, people. Things are just better that way.
1 comment:
Praise God! I hope you understand that you're not alone in having difficulty resting and waiting and trusting. I'm pretty sure most of the human race feels the need and drive to DO something about everything. Maybe that's part of the sin nature or maybe it's a trick of Satan's to steer us away from God because God clearly says repeatedly that we are incapable but He is most capable. So we can trust Him to DO what needs to be done while we follow His instructions which most of the time are to be still and wait for Him and be ready to give Him honor when He does what needs to be done.
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