Christmas-Corinthians Style

If I decorate my house perfectly with plaid bows, strands of twinkling lights and shiny bells, but do not show love to my family, I'm just another decorator.

If I slave away in the kitchen, baking dozens of Christmas cookies, preparing gourmet meals and arranging a beautifully adorned table at mealtime, but do not show love to my family, I'm just another cook.

If I work at the soup kitchen, carol in the nursing home, and give all that I have to charity, but do not show love to my family, it profits me nothing.

If I trim the spruce with shimmering angels and crocheted snowflakes, attend a myriad of holiday parties and sing in the choir's cantata, but do not focus on Christ;

I have missed the point.

Love stops the cooking to hug the child

Love sets aside decorating to kiss the husband.
Love is kind, though harried and tired,
Love doesn't envy another's home that has coordinated
Christmas china and table linens.

Love doesn't yell at the kids to get out of the way,
but is thankful they are there to be in the way.

Love doesn't give only to those who are able to give in return
but rejoices in giving to those who can't.

Love bears all things,
believes all things,
hopes all things,
endures all things.
Love never fails.

Video games will break;
pearl necklaces will be lost,
golf clubs will rust.

But giving the gift of love will endure.

-author unknown

(So I totally stole this from ItisbyGrace's blog with her permission, but these words just struck me so profoundly that I barely had words to contain myself and I HAD to post them here. How completely rich are the sentiments of this unknown author?)
Not much more I can add to them now, is there? Hope you enjoyed.
Pilgrim

Why Pilgrim?

Over the years a lot of people have asked me where the name Pilgrim came from... its actually from one of my favorite artists/singers, Enya, and her song, "Pilgrim." On my other website I posted just the lyrics, but here I can post the video. Enjoy.

Do You Ever Want to Freeze Time?

Have you ever just had one of those moments with your little one where she was just so enjoyable, the moment so beautiful, that you wanted to take a pair of scissors, cut the scene out, and paste it up on a wall so you could look at it forever? Complete with the feelings, the sights, the smells, the touch of her hand, the sound of her giggle?
That is SO what I wanted to do this morning!
Baby and I were out on our regular morning walk. Its fall here in Texas, finally. I used to hate fall, the cooler weather coming, but have now reconciled myself to the fact that summer must end sometime. I have begun to enjoy the goldish-red leaves and the cooler breeze, the pumpkins and gourds on everyone's doorsteps.
This morning it was perfect out. Sweaters but not mittens. Cool breeze but not cold. The sun is shining golden through trees, and the leaves were slowly floating down, swirling, in front of us, when the breeze would blow.
And the baby, having a silly morning with me, was giggling and singing her favorite song which is basically the word "ball" over and over again in different sing-ish tones.
I had just gotten done talking to my sister and calling my mom to wish her happy birthday, and was listening to my iPod-- my favorite song of the moment which is David Crowder band's "How He Loves" (see my post last week for more on that awesomeness)-
so not only was I thinking about the love of God but how much I love His creation and awestruck by the beauty He has created and listening to the baby sing and knowing that the people I love the most are all well at this very moment-- and then some leaves caught the sun as they tumbled down.
And I thought, man, God is GOOD.

Remembering what the Lord does for me

Right now I've got a HUGE prayer request going up to the Lord-- if anyone would help me out and pray for me. I really need peace from God and guidance from Him about my job situation. For privacy's sake, I can't really spell it out. But, I'm in a situation, and I need God to show me what HE wants me to do, and give me His peace and His wisdom. I need His provision. A few signs spelled out in the sky that say "Hey Pilgrim, Do THIS!" wouldn't hurt, either.

Often when I need something from God, I find that it helps me to remember His faithfulness and His goodness by remembering other things God has done for me. I know He's there; I know He can take care of me. I don't know why little doubts get into my mind (well, I DO-- its that Ephesians 6 spiritual warfare thing going on).

So let me tell you a few things that God has done for me lately-- I think you might enjoy hearing them.

• A HUGE prayer has been answered--one I have been praying about for nearly TWO years!! For privacy, I can't really say what. But it was one that I honestly had really pretty much given up on. After 2 years, you kinda say, "geesh, forget it"-- but in the back of my head I still kept thinking a little thought of, "maybe today will be the day it gets answered...ya never know...." And then one day, about a month ago now... it WAS the day. Through a friend of a friend, and a couple of e-mails, God made a connection for me and WHAM-- a prayer was answered. I'm so excited!
• A few weeks ago I had a car accident and my car was totalled... I had to write a pretty big check as a down payment on the new car. BIG check. Made things pretty darn tight. Last week in the mail I received a check from the other guy's insurance company that reimbursed me for nearly half the check I wrote. I don't understand why-had to do something with the value of the totalled car minus something plus something or...who knows what.... doesn't matter. I got a little bit of my money back. Yay!
• I've had a real revelation on the love of God. Remember that song I posted a couple weeks ago by David Crowder Band "How He Loves" ? I have had that song stuck in my head for 2 weeks. Almost constantly (SOOOO much better than "The Wheels on the Bus", let me tell ya.... And since I've had that song going through my head, any time a tough situation comes up, my thoughts go to how much God loves me and how good He is. That song is really reaching inside my heart to remind me that no matter what, I am loved by God. Isn't that totally cool?

He is Good. He is Able. God is the God of more than enough, and He loves you. I would love it if people who read this blog (and I know there are many of you) would PLEASE comment this time and tell me some of the prayers God has answered for you--'kay? Thanks.

the Butterfly Story

I wrote this in 2005, and actually its an adaption of something you may have seen before. I just thought I'd share it:

Once upon a time, a young girl was playing in her grandmother's garden when she noticed some butterfly cocoons getting ready to open. She watched the first butterfy trying to come out of its home. It struggled, and took a long time. By the time the butterfly got out, it was exhausted. It had to lay on the tree branch and rest awhile before it could take flight. The little girl felt so terrible for the little butterfly, who had to go through so much of a struggle just to get out of his little cocoon.

When the little girl saw the second cocoon getting ready to hatch, she didn't want it to go through what the first butterfly did. So she helped open the cocoon herself, and took the butterfly out. She laid him on the branch, and saved him from the struggle.

But the second little butterfly died, while the first little butterfly who had fought so hard took off into the sky.

Distraught, the little girl ran to her grandmother, crying. "What happened? Why did the second butterfly die?" she asked.

Her grandmother explained that butterflies have a liquid in the core of their body, and as they struggle to get out of the cocoon that liquid is pushed into the veins in the butterfly wings where it hardens and makes the wings strong. If the butterfly doesn't push and pull and fight to get out of the cocoon, his wings won't be strong enough to fly, and the butterfly dies.

"Without the struggle, there are no wings," Grandmother said as she stroked her grand-daughter's hair.. "Just like it will be with you, child. In life you will go through hard times. But it is the hard stuff, the struggle, that will help you grow, and help you learn to fly."

"But won't it hurt?" asked the little girl.

"Sometimes, things will hurt. Sometimes, things will be hard. But one day, it'll all be worth it. And you'll learn from all your struggles-- they'll teach you how to fly!"

Busy, Busy, Busy!

Have you ever noticed that there are so many "busy" people in the world these days? Ask anyone over about 12 years old how they're doing, and the answer is most likely, "I'm SO BUSY!" "Busy,busy!" Why hasn't someone gotten together for coffee with you, called you back, returned that e-mail? Oh, so busy! Busy busy!
Perhaps you are one of those people.
I see it in facebook statuses (statusi?), twitter updates, Christmas letters, those quick e-mails "will respond more later-so busy now." Mothers of toddlers say it with exhaustion. But I have noticed something else: many people say it with pride. BUSY, they say. I'm so busy I don't have time to sleep/eat/bring in the mail/take care of myself/take time to relax anymore.
Being "busy" seems to have become a badge of honor.
And I wonder....
why?
Why is it so good to be busy these days? Why do people seem to be bragging when they talk about how busy and stressed out they are?
Are they trying to win a prize?
Get people to sympathize with them? (It seems to work-someone mentions how busy and stressed out they are, and they get six "oh my gosh I SO.Hear.You!'s and a hug.)

Yet someone says, "I'm not stressed out or busy.... I've learned how to give myself a break. I take things easy. My life is in balance. I work some and play some and sleep some and its all working together pretty well---"
and people look at you like you've got a 3rd eyeball growing out of your forehead and then either respond with a
1)"Hm. I see." (While they look down their nose at you, trying to figure out why they know such a loser as you)
or
2) "Well, aren't you lucky to have such an easy life!" (laugh, ha ha!) (Meanwhile they are mentally picturing you with no job, eating bon bons while watching soap operas in your pjs, sleeps all the time, and by the way, your sink is probably overflowing with dirty dishes, too, you Loser!)

Face it. In today's world, Busy & Stressed is what people think is "in."
But.
This is not God's way. Even God rested after 6 days of work. He didn't have to. He chose to. And WE must choose to also.
John 14:27 says that we should stop ALLOWING ourselves to be agitated, disturbed, our upset. Stop letting yourself get stressed out!
Have Balance. Learn to say no (its easy, once you get used to it.)
You make your schedule. You make your choices. You ...watch out, she's gonna say it...
you make your own stress.
It isn't our circumstances that upset us and stress us out.
Its our reaction to our circumstances.

Last week I had 2 car accidents. I was in a LOT of pain. I was on the phone right and left with insurance and people I didn't know. Was I stressed? Nope. I chose not to be. I am also thinking of putting a big yellow CAUTION triangle on the back of my car ;)

Joyce Meyer has written some awesome articles about stress and relaxing. There is also a great book by my former pastor, Randy Frazee, called Making Room for Life that teaches how to balance your work life and your home life-- read it! You can get it on amazon.
Also, read these articles by Joyce:
http://www.joycemeyer.org/OurMinistries/EverydayAnswers/Articles/art47.htm

http://www.joycemeyer.org/OurMinistries/EverydayAnswers/Articles/art25.htm

In the meantime... go take a walk. Take a nap. Learn to take care of yourself. Okay? Take off your busy badge and replace it with a nice blanket and a cookie.

Oh How He Loves Us...

The time change has really thrown my week for a loop, how about you? Its been wonderful being able to drive to work in the daylight again--makes it feel like summer. Not so wonderful driving home in pitch black darkness, as that brings up a lot of yucky stuff for me, but I'm dealing with it. For some reason its also made me really sleepy at night, so going to bed has been easier. We have also been having some incredible weather where I live-- you couldn't ask for more perfect fall days.
As I make my hour-long trek to work in bumper-to-bumper traffic, I have the opportunity to take in my surroundings. Thankfully, much of the highways are surrounded by woods, large patches of grass, and flowers. The morning sun has been shining bright. The last stretch of my drive, once I finally arrive at it, winds through the woods. I can watch streams of sunshine pour through the trees, where it lands upon manicured lawns and fountains. Right now the leaves are just beginning to change color, and I'm enjoying firey red and orange foliage that is hit gracefully by the sun's rays.
And thankfully, with my job being how it is, I have the immense satisfaction of knowing that just about 30 minutes after I arrive, I'll be outside walking in that beauty and taking nature in firsthand.
And the other day something struck me:
GOD DIDN'T HAVE TO MAKE THE WORLD THIS WAY.
When God created the world, and the seasons, and the trees, and the sun, and water, and EVERYTHING...
He didn't have to make the air have a sweet scent to it. He didn't have to make grass have that certain smell after it rains. The water doesn't HAVE to sparkle in the sun. God didn't have to make flowers in thousands of varieties and colors. The suns rays didn't have to flow through trees. No one MADE God fill the world with hundreds of variations of colors, or leaves that change... as well as thousands of types of people, animals, trees, even frogs, ants, and insects we may never see.
God COULD have made the world grey, flat, and dull.
Maybe that would have been quicker, easier, and.... it really would have been all we deserve, because... honestly, I know that I,personally as a sinner, don't DESERVE this beautiful world God gave me.
So WHY did God make the world like this? Why is the world SO.Incredibly. Breathtakingly.BEAUTIFUL? Why mountains, glaciers, caterpillars, no 2 snowflakes alike,babies smiling, a thousand shades of skin color... why so much when He didn't have to?

I believe it is because He loves us.
That's all.
He did it because He wanted to.
He loves us, His children. And He wanted to give us a glorious place to live.
Out of love, pure & simple.
Because He is Good, and Holy, and Righteous, and Wonderful.
Oh, how He loves us. Oh, How He loves us so.

To Be Known

Do you ever long to be understood by someone? Do you ever long to be known? Do you ever long to be accepted for who you are, no questions asked? I think that one of the biggest, nicest, greatest things someone do for me is say with a smile on their face "I know you..." or "I know how you are....". Or even just say that they know something about me, and say it with a smile on their face. Just this week I had 2 people say similar things to me. "I know you, you (naming some habit I have). "I know how you are--you (naming a trait of mine)." But they were smiling or laughing when they said it. Not saying them in a "I KNOW HOW YOU ARE AND I HATE IT!" kind of way. Not a "I know how you are and now I'm going to reject you because of it" kind of way...which is something I've dealt with many, many times.
It is such a relief when at last we can find understanding. When at last we can find someone who is willing to accept us as we are. People like that are a gift from God. And sometimes it's a long, painful wait to find that person.
You know what though? Even if we never find those people here on earth, there is still Someone who is loving, accepting, and kind to us in ways we can only imagine. Someone who understands us completely and accepts us completely.
God made each of us. He knew our entire lives before a single cell of our body was formed. He knows everything we're ever going to say before we ever say it. Jesus came to earth as a man and understands just how hard it is to be a human being, how frustrating and difficult and lonely and painful our lives are. He knows our pain, our heartache, our losses, and our joys.
If you are someone who, like me, longs to be known and accepted and understood, we have to look no farther than Jesus who will always, always look towards us with open arms and say to us, "I know you--- and I love you."
Just my thoughts for today.

The Safety of Psalm 91

Last night I watched some of the news before I fell asleep. I rarely ever do. It was disturbing. In 15 minutes, the reports were all about how many people in Texas have died of swine flu this week, how many troops died in Iraq recently, a child that died in an accident, a child that may die because of abuse, and more talk of war.
Rotten stuff.
I closed my eyes and said to God, "Lord, this world is so depressing sometimes. It feels so unsafe."
Immediately I heard that still, soft voice in my head: "Read Psalm 91."
So I picked up my Bible, and hear is what I read (with my thoughts added.)

Psalm 91
1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

2 I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."

3 Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence. (like swine flu)

4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day, (like wars,guns,and soldiers)

6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday. (there's swine flu again)

7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you. (God will keep me safe in this unsafe world.)

8 You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.

9 If you make the Most High your dwelling—
even the LORD, who is my refuge-

10 then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent. (my house is safe because I trust the Lord)

11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;

12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent. (I will overcome the evil one because of the Lord)

14 "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him. (I can feel safe, because I call on God;He is faithful)

16 With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation."

I felt so much better after reading that, especially since I believed that it was God who whispered in my ear to read those particular words of His. The world may be unsafe, there may be wars, plagues, and even death around me. But I believe the Lord will protect me.
Even last week, I was in a car accident. My car was SMUSHED. But I escaped with just some aches, pains, and minor injuries. It could have been much worse. I know God had sent his angels to protect me.
God is someone you can count on to protect you. If you feel unsafe and scared, call on Him. He and Jesus are right there waiting to wrap their arms around you.

God Surprised me twice this Week

God really took me by surprised this week. Both were an answer to prayer. One long term, and one short term. One was a prayer that I've been praying about nearly two years, and had a hard time with for what felt like FOREVER...day after day waiting, being anxious about... but I think that my prayer has been answered, and I am pretty sure I can relax about now I think things are going to work out now. I am so thankful.
Another was a smaller thing, but hopefully had an impact on another person. Every day when I wake up I ask God to help me be a blessing to someone. On a walk yesterday I saw a woman and her husband walking in the opposite direction of the baby and me. She had pretty gray,curly hair. I wanted to say give her a compliment, but felt shy and worried she'd think I was weird. So after they walked on by I told God, "If she needs to hear a compliment, and she walks on by me again, I'll say something."
Well, about 10 minutes later, she and her husband walked by again. So I stopped and comlimented her- I said "I hope you don't think I'm weird or anything, but I just love your hair-its so curly and such a beautiful color of gray, and so bouncy."
I'm so thankful that God had me say that, because the lady got tears in her eyes. She told me thank you so much, because she usually HATES her hair, and that made her feel better. Her husband said that her hair is like that from chemotherapy... and the woman said she doesn't like her hair anymore. I felt blessed. Maybe God having me speak outloud that compliment to her, His words out of my mouth about how beautiful she REALLY IS, will help her feel better about herself. She walked away smiling really big.
Isn't God awesome when he uses us little people to help someone?

By Your Side

It makes me sad--partly because I'VE done it,too-that people run to so many things in the world for love that will never, ever fill that hole in their heart. That people search and hide and run and try so hard to fill themselves up with addictions, with people, with material things, trying so hard to make themselves feel ALL RIGHT. It will never work, because the hole that is inside of us is a Jesus-shaped hole, and the only thing that will ever truly fill us up is having Jesus in our heart, asking God for forgiveness and asking Him to come live inside of us and take over our lives. That is really, truly the only way to find true happiness and contentment. Believe me, I have tried my share of other things, too. It wasn't until I ran straight into the arms of God that I found something that made my heart feel whole again.
I love this video. It is a love song from God to us. Truly listen to the words, and hear your loving Abba God calling out to you.

I want to go Home

Are you the type of person who remembers their dreams? Or the kind who doesn't remember dreaming?
My husband doesn't usually remember his dreams. But I can still remember some of mine from when I was a toddler. I dream every night, quite vividly, and I remember them quite well. I often have bad dreams. The kind that wake me up screaming, or make me toss and turn a lot. But sometimes I have good ones... like flying dreams. I love those. The dreams I don't like are ones about people that have hurt me... I am still haunted by dreams of lost loved ones or people that were mean to me. I pray often that God will end those dreams because I really don't like them. But then I wake up, and I have that feeling of them fading, and sometimes, I have that... that feeling... of... "what just happened?" And unreality sets in, and I beging to forget what someone said, of what my dream was about. As I wake up in my bed, the dream fades, and exact words and faces and the experience I was just having in my dream becomes unreal, and the reality of my day takes over.
I had an interesting experience a few weeks ago. It was a day I was particularly hurting over the past. Wanting to get away. Often I just long for Home. My heavenly Home. I often, when I get upset, begin to cry to God, "I want to go home!" I just want to go home to heaven so badly-- for some reason, I feel like I miss it. I know that I wasn't made for this Earth. I know that I don't belong here. I feel like I don't fit.
And one day I was walking through the living room telling God once again, "I want to go HOME..." I distinctly heard Him tell me, "Someday, this will all feel like just a dream."
And I knew immediately what He meant.
Someday, my time on earth will end. Whether Jesus comes to get me in the Rapture or I leave the Earth through another means, my time will come to an end here. And that is okay. I'm not afraid. And someday, I will wake up in my real Home. And as I wake up there, my time here in this training ground called Earth will all have been like a dream, a temporary place I was put until I got to my real Home. And as I wake up in the Heavenly Realm with my Jesus, and I face my Lord and see His beautiful and perfect face, the memories and hurts and injuries of the time here will quickly fade, and the Real Reality of my true Home will take over. Someday all of this will be a dream, and Heaven, which seems so unreal now, will be Real. I cannot wait.

Cabin Fever

Have you ever just been restless? Not feeling quite right, even though nothing is really wrong? Just sort of...out of sorts? That is how I've been for the past week. I think it might because here in Texas we've had rainy weather for the past 2 weeks, and we're not used to it, especially in October. Usually temperatures are in the 80's and sunny, and instead we've had grey drizzly skies and temps in the 60's. While I'm very thankful for the rainy, my brain and my body seem to be solar-powered. So I'm sinking a bit. I think I've got a little cabin fever going on. I'm used to spending my days outside, the baby and I going for walks for hours and smelling flowers and exploring bugs. Right now the baby is sick with a 101 fever, teething, and not sleeping much. She wants to be held but doesn't want to be touched. It's an odd time.
I think it'll pass in a matter of days. Right now perhaps I'm just in a holding pattern. Maybe God is doing something deep underground inside of me that I just can't see right now. So, I wait.... again. And that's okay.

I am a New Creation

I was listening to Joyce Meyer's CD set on Total Transformation the other day, and one part just struck me like a lightning bolt. I ended up listening to the same sentence she said at least 5 or 6 times to make sure I heard it right, until a little lightbulb went off in my head. And I hope that I can repeat it here correctly, because I really want to make sure that other people understand it too:
When I became a Christian, the OLD ME died with Christ. I am now a new Creation, who is daily having my mind and spirit renewed by God.
That old me-the one who was hurt, abused, neglected, forgotten about, lied to, hurt in so many ways-- is gone. That is the old me, who died with Christ on the Cross. That old me no longer exists. I do not need to carry her pain, her memories, her aches, her anger/loss/grief/ depression/ fears any longer. Christ took care of her already. She has been made into a new Creation. One who has a hope and a future. Someone who is completely loved by God. Someone who is completely accepted and cared about. The past is gone-as far as the east is from the west. That old, hurt person is gone. God has made me into a new creation- someone he is making into a happy, free, and loved child of His. I may not be totally "there" yet every day in every way, and some days I may be farther along than others, but I'm definitely not where I used to be, thank God-- and I'm definitely on my way.
Just something I wanted to pass along.
For more of Joyce Meyer's incredible CD resources, I'd recommend Where the Mind Goes the Man Follows, The Battlefield of the Mind, & Total Transformation

Lay Them Down by Need to Breathe

This is one of my favorite songs. I so need to remember to lay my burdens down at Jesus' feet.

Happy Birthday

My birthday was this weekend. And although my dad called me just to tease me about getting one step closer to forty, I was also serenaded by voice mail and by webcam by my niece and nephew in a couple of rousing rounds of the Happy Birthday song. As far as the 40'th borthday being just around the corner, that's something I don't really mind. I think the age thing is all in one's head anyway. And if its all in your mind, I'm permanently six. Or twelve. But definitely NOT 37.
I spent this birthday focusing on gratefulness. There is something about the passing of another year that makes me reminisce, I think.
Here are just a few things that I'm grateful for right now:

• This back pain. It still hurts. Pretty bad, in fact. But I think its here in my life to teach me something, and I'm open learning from it. Am I having fun having to lay flat on my back and resting so much? NOT AT ALL! But I do believe I can learn from it. I have had hours and hours to lay down and read a new book which I am really into: Ted Dekkar's The Circle Trilogy (Black,Red, and White). I have more compassion for people who are in pain.
• Clean water. Every bottle of water I have to drink is a blessing. I'm grateful that God provides for me and that I can help provide children in Africa with clean water through the Water for Life clean water program.
• Rain. Its been raining on and off here in Texas for a couple weeks, after a long summer drought.
• My church friends. Even with my back pain being pretty severe, I have refused to let it keep me from attending Sunday School.
• I'm grateful that pretty soon I get to start shopping for Operation Christmas Child again. It's so much fun and it takes so little to make a little one happy!!
• Change. I used to hate change. I wanted so much for everything to stay the same that I wanted to just curl up in a ball under my covers and retreat from the world, close the door, and let everything stay the same. But you know what? I realize now that change is good. Sometimes change is exciting. My husband laughed the other day when I said, "I embrace change!" but I really meant it. The only constant in the world is change. The only thing that doesn't change in this world is God--and thank goodness HE stays the same, always.

So here's to one more year. I hope that God will keep doing a good work in me, and that next year I will have even more to be grateful for.

Hanging in There

Hi everyone, I haven't written much for the past week because I injured my back. Twice last week,actually--the first time just pulling a muscle, which didn't feel too great; the second time, I bent down and couldn't get back up at all and really screwed things up. So while my mind is still in positive-thinking mode, I'm finding it more difficult than usual to concentrate. I have a high pain tolerance, but I have NEVER known pain like this before. Its bad.
I did make it to Sunday School yesterday though. If this is an attack from the evil one to dissuade me from persuing God's purposes for my life, he's going to fail. I'm still reading God's word and seeking His purposes for my life. My mind is still on Him, and I am praying for healing as well as having a lot of people praying for me.

Bible League International

Can you help out? Right now Bibles are needed in Southeast Asia for people that have NONE. Can you imagine not having ANY Bible? My house is so full of different versions of the Bible to enjoy that I cannot even imagine having ZERO access to a Bible.
Right now you can give the gift of Bibles to people in Southeast Asia, and any monetary amount that you give with be DOUBLED by other donors. Its double for your trouble--each Bible costs only $4.00. The people on the phone are really nice. PLEASE help spread God's word.
Just call 1-800-937-9673 or look for the link on http://www.klty.com/ (my favorite radio station) Or, you can look up Bible League International.
Can you imagine meeting someone in Heaven someday, and they tell you "I'm here today because I read God's Word--- from a Bible that YOU sent to me"? Can you IMAGINE?!?

"I Love You"

I don't know about you, but I am a sucker for these words when it comes to children.
This morning I was on the phone with my sister (who lives far away) when she dropped my niece at school. I was on speakerphone and told my niece, "I love you! Have a great day at school!" and my niece yelled back, "I love you too!" Then my 3 year old nephew yelled, "I love you Shell!"Oh, man, my heart. Instantaneous jell-o.
I don't know what it is about those 3 words and children. I go from a strong woman of God to a blubbering mass of nothing when a child says I loves you, gives me a kiss, or gives me a hug. Its really rather pitiful.
I can see it now: my niece will be 16 years old, borrow my car, have an accident, and smash it into bits, but she comes to me and says "I wrecked your car--but, I love you!" And I'll stand there with a doofus-y grin on my face and stars in my eyes saying, "Ohhh baby girl, I love you TOOOO!!!!"
Sad.
Or maybe just, enamored.
One day several years ago I was teaching math to a particularly wonderful pre-K class I had when a child who had been in my room for 3 years raised his hand. This was a child who had caused me endless problems. We had literally had to wrestle him to teach him to sit in a chair, he had yelled profanities at me, and he was a frequent flier in the time out chair for hitting & biting other students. He was often whining, complain-y, and moan-y.
But this day during math he raised his hand. "Yes, M___?"
"Mrs. P, I love you," he said, and came up to give me a hug. Out of nowhere.
Oh my GOSH. "Oh honey, I love you too, " I replied.
Math time totally stopped while the rest of the class felt obliged to come up and give me hugs and "I love you too's." Which of course, left me in a pile of jell-o-y, share-the-l0ve-let's-stop-math-and-do-something-more-fun mode.
I'm just a sucker that way, I guess. If someone loves me, especially a child, I want to just soak it in. Stop and let my heart be filled up. Take a break from all the harsh things going on in the world and share the love.

Do you ever wonder if God is like that too? For He,too, is enamored with us. And most of the time we, his children, come to him with complaints and requests and in whine & groan mode (as do our own children, right?) Do you ever wonder if when we come to God simply with an "I love you" He ever just stops what He's doing and lets his heart turn to jell-o and stops to soak it up?
Ever wonder if sometimes its good to stop asking God for things and just stop and say, "Hey, thanks for just being You, and by the way, I love you!"
How about right now?

Eyes Open and Taking Risks

Ever lived life with your eyes closed? Ever become aware that you're doing that, but been content to stay that way? Safer, that may be.
Safer, but it gets boring after a while. Leaves you hanging, wondering, "what if?"
Ever started to ponder, if i opened my eyes a little I wonder what I'd see?
Scarier, but the possibility of adventure is there.
Sometimes the Lord opens our eyes. Sometimes life's tragic events open our eyes. Maybe a little of both or neither or a combination of other things.
The past few months my eyes have been opening a bit here and there.
Sometimes on places I didn't even know my eyes were closed.
Ever been like that? Your eyes open and you realize, "Ohhh.... I had no idea."
You see things with a new view. A new perspective.
You realize that you've outgrown something. Or you are ready to move into something else.
Or maybe, you are ready to stay where you are for a little while longer.
The point is, though, that you finally SEE.
You finally see.

I have been taking a lot of risks lately. God has been opening my eyes on some things. Although I still have far, far to go, some things I see with new eyes. In some things, I decide to stay a little longer. In some things I decide to change my viewpoint. Sometimes when I open my eyes I realize I have already been changed, already have moved on--without realizing it. That is always a little odd-sort of a "whoa, how did I get here?" sort of feeling. Sometimes taking risks now is a lot easier than it used to be. "Oh this? This is no problem now. Used to scare me out of my pants, but now it's old hat." Sometimes the risks still take my breath away. Sometimes I still cannot find my way out of a paperbag.

But the point is, I still now see. I no longer hold my eyes shut tight. I have become willing to open them. At least I now SEE.

I Will Praise

This week has been a bit of a roller-coaster for me.
On Monday, I was thrilled because God provided me with nearly $500 out of nowhere-I sold my kiln that has been on sale since March, and a few other small items. I really needed that money because I have my quarterly taxes due this month, which come to $500. Hallelujah, God had provided!
Then on Thursday, my car needed $500 worth of repairs. I was reeling. On Friday it needed almost $200 more worth of work. What the heck? God, hadn't you just given me a $500 miracle for my taxes? I thought that was for my TAXES!!!
Apparently, I had been mistaken. God knew my car was going to break down--so he had provided me the money in advance to have it fixed.
Ever have that happen? Its that whole "The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away" kind of thing. I confess I was feeling a bit like Job for a couple of days, and on Thursday I was having a pity party where I was the guest of honor. Where was I going to get even MORE money? It wasn't FAAAIIIRRR!!!! I needed $500, and lost $700. Geesh.

But then I realized by Friday night... God had STILL done me a miracle. He had still given me a great gift. Provision is provision. So yah, I still have to come up with the money for my taxes and I have no idea where that's going to come from. I still don't have to worry about it though. God is my provider. Maybe he is setting me up for a bigger miracle.... I don't know. Perhaps he is testing my faith, I don't know. Even though he gave me almost $500 on Monday, and I ended up paying out nearly $700 this week on my car, I still happily tithed $50 this morning in church, as I promised him I would. It is the least I can do in appreciation.... well, except possibly removing myself off the pity party invitation list, which I did when I got my head back together this weekend.

So today I will praise him and give thanks to him. Not just because God is my provider, but because of Who he IS- because he is God. Because he is the righteous one, because He holds me in his hand whether he has a gift in the other hand for me or not. I praise him because HE is worthy- even when my car breaks down. I praise him because he is worthy when he's doing miracles for me or whether he chooses not to. All I know is, it isn't for me to worry about. I just need to keep being faithful, and keep my eyes on His face. He will work everything out for my good.

God and 9/11

No one has ever asked me what I thought about 9/11/01, or what I was doing. It's too hard for me to talk about anyway. But like all of you, I'll never forget. Some people say, where was God? Why did it happen? I don't know why it happened. But I do know where God was...right there.

God Provides AGAIN!

God is always faithful to me in little ways but sometimes He just blows me away.
I pay my taxes quarterly because I am considered self-employed. This month I needed to come up with an extra $500 to pay them. I do not exactly have that kind of money laying around, so I prayed that the Lord would provide me with it somehow- I knew He'd have to get creative as I've already sold everything in my house I could part with.
Well, yesterday, out of the blue, a lady drove two hours to buy my kiln I've had for sale since March. The price? $450!! She paid in cash. I was SO thankful!! Then in the afternoon, I had someone want to buy a teacher organizer of mine for another $25. Then last night, I had another teacher offer to buy a bunch of things from my old classroom-- at least $40 worth of stuff. That is MORE than the $500 I need!!!
And I'm so excited because the tithe I can pay off that $500 will be go into the offering this Sunday towards something I want to buy towards the new building the church is working on. I am SOOOO incredibly grateful and God is SO, so good. I have been telling everyone I can think of what God has done for me this month.
Another incredible thing God did, but it wasn't for me-- at church there is a man who is a firefighter. He has a friend at the station who was diagnosed with a brain tumor at the beginning of the summer, Michael. His friend is a single dad with a little girl. The tumor was the size of a baseball. He also had leukemia. We have all been praying for him all summer. Last week he was pronounced CURED. Not in remission...CURED!!!
God is so good and mighty. He is still in the business of miracles, my friends.

Baby Steps

The baby is learning to walk.
Heaven help us all ;)
She has been working on it for a few weeks now...baby steps. One step, and then she falls. Sometimes two steps, and then she falls. Its been more of an experience of learning how to crash properly than learning how to walk properly. ;)
On Friday she made it 17 steps--yes, SEVENTEEN, hallelujah!-17 steps across the kitchen floor before falling down. Quite proud of herself.
I thought, oh boy...here we go. Big steps from here on out.
But the rest of the day she took just 1 or 2 or 3 steps at a time. No more lenghty treks across the kitchen for baby, even as proud as she was of herself. I guess that one long journey was enough for one day.

Have you ever been like that? Been taking baby steps for a while...1 or 2 steps towards a goal for a long time...and then did something that surprised yourself, taken a HUGE step, did something really big? Something that maybe even made you pretty proud of yourself. Wow, look what I did! And then realized, wow, what did I just do?? Then perhaps you go back to baby steps for a while.
Time to back off a little. Don't want to get anywhere too fast. We like baby steps. They are safe. Those giant steps...they're a little uncomfortable. A little scary. Fun, maybe...but unknown.

The past year has been a series of baby steps AND giant steps for me through faith. Sometimes God jumps in and helps me take a leap. But even baby steps are not easy for me. Always was one of those "I'll just stand right here and watch YOU walk around" kind of people. So any step, no matter how small, was good. Recently, I've been taking more giant steps than baby steps. Scary, but fun, and certainly interesting. And I figured, at least I'm on the move now. How about you? Are you a baby stepper?

Right now I am feeling a little gunshy, a little unsure or myself. Searching. Wondering what God has in store for me, if I actually have the abilities I thought I had. Am I who I say I am? How much of this is really me and how much of it is God working through me? Does He want me to do more? I feel like I can't possibly be doing less. Right now I feel ineffective. I feel small and alone. Today I wonder if I am taking even baby steps.


The thing is, whether I take baby steps or big steps or no steps at all, I have my loving Father watching over my every move. Just like I keep an eye on the baby as she learns to walk, God constantly watches over me as well. Whether the baby takes 2 steps or 17, when she falls I am there to rush to her and comfort her and encourage her to get up to try again. Just as our Heavenly Father does. Whether you, like me, feel stalled right now, or you're leaping walls, your Father is right there to catch you, to delight in you and watch over your every step.

Christmas Shoes Project

Please Donate to the Christmas Shoes Project with Me!

It might be a little early to think about Christmas, but here is a special opportunity you and I can take NOW to help provide children in other countries.

One of my favorite TV shows, Life Today, has a goal to provide 200,000 pairs of shoes to needy children. A pair of shoes costs only $3.60 and protects their little feet from disease and injury.

It is SO easy to give and means to much to the parents and the little ones.

I bet that if you are reading this, like me, you have more than one pair of shoes in your closet. Maybe more than two...or three. Some that you maybe paid a ridiculous amount for.

Surely you can help provide some shoes for a child this Christmas.

Please join me in providing durable, safe shoes for needy children this Christmas through James and Betty Robison's Life Today Program.

Just click here for more details: http://www.lifetoday.org/site/PageServer?pagename=out_shoes
Thank you!!

We Can Learn a Lot from Dogs... and Little Boys

I received this in an e-mail, and just had to pass it on because I'm a dog-lover. You may have seen it before, but it's definitely worth another read:

A Dog's Purpose? (From a 6-year-old)
Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and their little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer.

I told the family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.
The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker's Death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives.

Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, ''I know why.''
Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation.
It has changed the way I try and live.

He said,'' People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?'' The Six-year-old continued,' Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long.''

Live simply.Love generously.
Care deeply.Speak kindly.

Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things like:
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure Ecstasy.

Take naps.Stretch before rising.
Run, romp, and play daily.Thrive on attention and let people touch you.Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.Be loyal.

Never pretend to be something you're not.If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently.
ENJOY EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY!

I think God likes Cookies Too (a really deep post today)

Yep, this post is going to be really, truly deep and spiritual today.
Its about cookies. Well, and cake.
Cookies AND cake.
I love both. Big fan.
My sister is fabulous and making both. She is practically a pro. In fact, she makes cakes and sells them (if you're in Northern Ohio and need a nice cake for a special occassion, let us know. I'll hook you up with her.) Her buttercream frosting tastes like heaven on my tongue.
Anyway, I digress.
Cookies and cake are two things that make me happy.
Even Joyce Meyer has a DVD called "Eat the Cookie, Buy the Shoes." Sometimes in life you've got to give yourself a break. A treat. Splurge a little.

Anyway... I digress a little more.
Two of my favorite blogs I'd like to share today are just about my favorite sweets:
Cake Wrecks makes fun of the most interesting and funniest cakes you'll ever be scared to see
and Bakerella shows all kinds of cookies, cupcakes, and treats that are so beautiful and delicious that it'll make your mouth water just to gaze upon them.
Take a look. You'll be telling God thank you for giving you tastebuds ;)
The Bible says that every good and perfect thing is from above. Therefore, I am expecting the heavens to rain down cupcakes and cookies any day now.

Choosing Thomas

Have any of you seen this?
This is the story of a couple who decided to have a child they knew would be born with Trisomy 13. It is incredibly moving and an amazing story. The video takes about 5 minutes to watch. The little baby boy is so beautiful and precious, and I just wanted to pass this along to honor his life and his brave parents and what they went through:
http://www.dallasnews.com/s/dws/photography/2009/thomas/
It is truly touching, and I hope that you will say a prayer for Thomas and his family.

God is Everywhere

Romans 1:20

For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.

My mom came to visit and we went to the Botanical Garden yesterday. I took pictures of these most incredible flowers. God is so creative. Look at the blending of the bright colors in the tiny flowers above. They look like a sunset. Isn't that amazing?
This purple flower looks like it has small berries in the middle of it. The little flowers look like stars.
These flowers were just two out of hundreds I saw yesterday. God's creation is so astounding. God is a master at creativity and expression. I love finding God everywhere I look.

First Day of School

My heart is aching today. But its a good ache. This little angel-baby who you see to the left, that tiny little 2 year old with unkept hair and a Strawberry Shortcake shirt she probably lived in, is starting First Grade today.

First Grade. My baby.

Where has the time gone?

How can my niece, who I held in my arms all night long the evening she was born, who is a carbon copy of me (unfortunately for her) and was just an infant sometime around last Tuesday, be in the FIRST GRADE?

My sister sent me a picture of her as she got ready for school this morning. Her face was as bright as the sun and her eyes were all lit up. Like me, she adores school and adores her teachers. She's smarter than all the other kids but so sweet that she knows not to rub it in. I can imagine her tromping off to her classroom all by herself, her lunchbox and new backpack in tow. That little girl who's head I used to hold up while I read books to her. Man, my heart....

I don't know how parents handle it, if I feel this way just as an AUNT.

Right at this moment I am anxiously awaiting her phone call so I can hear a report of how the 1st day of 1st grade went. I prayed all summer for her to have a sweet, loving teacher. All day today I have been wishing I could be a fly on the wall of her classroom. Just to keep an eye on her. Make sure everyone treats her well. Make sure no one makes fun of her for being tall. Encourage others to be her friend. I love this little girl so, so much that I just want to protect her, while letting go and letting her be herself, but at the same time, I want to watch over her all the time.

Do you ever wonder if God feels the same towards us? We are, after all, His children, who He is deeply in love with. Loves us even more than I love my niece. Do you ever wonder if He hovers near, encouraging others to be good to us, not make fun of us, to treat us well? All the time wanting us to be free and be our own person, yet hoping beyond hope that every day we will become more and more like His Son. I wonder if our time on Earth is like school. Earth school, where we learn our lessons and learn to be like Jesus.

Its getting too hard to wait for my niece to call me. I'm too excited to hear about her 1st day and I think I'm going to call her instead. Do you think that God is ever this anxious to hear from us? I bet He is.

Ziplining,Wavefighting,&Flying through God's Creation

Okay 1st the best news: I am still alive & well! And all of my limbs are still intact. Hallelujah! (Those of you who know me well are probably quite surprised about that, since I am the world's BIGGEST CLUTZ.) Yes, the eyes of God have been watching me careful the past 4 days as I have had adventure after adventure.
I'm so glad that the Lord has restored my body to health because boy did I need to be in good shape the past few days. Just a few highlights: I went to Schlitterbahn (the best waterpark in the world) and played there for 7 hours. My favorite thing to do is go to the wave pool & try to walk backwards in it, against the tide, and jump into the waves. I love how the waves push against me, try to knock me down. It takes all my strength to stand up against them, run into them, and try not to fall down. I call it Wave Fighting, and its so much fun. Its also fairly exhausting. That night I was ready to go to sleep around 7:00!
I also enjoyed the SkyCoaster, which in case you don't know, is where you get strapped to a giant swing that pulls you about 250 in the air and lets you go, hurling towards the earth. Then you fly back and forth a while before landing. Once you get past the "I'm going to DIE!!!!!!!" part, its completely fun to pretend you're a butterfly or Tinkerbell.
On Saturday, husband and I enjoyed the 104 degree Austin heat as we went ziplining. It's something I wanted to do for YEARS and it was well worth the wait. I think I have found a new career! We were all hooked up to wire lines, and zipped through the air inbetween trees, climbed suspension bridges. It totally rocked. It wasn't scary at all. It was just amazing.
Another really cool thing was going to church on Sunday. We went to visit our old pastor, who used to preach to our small church of 2,000 people and now on Sunday was preaching to about 20,000 with author Max Lucado and Michael W. Smith. It was completely awesome. I love doing worship with zillions of other people. We all had glow sticks that we lit at the end and they turned the lights off, and we all waved our glow sticks in the air--it was so pretty. Afterwards we went back stage to talk to our old pastor, and he introduced us to Max Lucado, which was really neat because he is one of my favorite authors. It was pretty cool to get to talk to him.
And now I am home, all in one piece, a bit exhausted. I've got nothing really deep or philisophical to say today, except for that I am truly grateful. God's favor was shining down on me in a hundred places this weekend and I could see it. From the big things like not busting my head open ;) to little things like getting to go back stage and talk to my old pastor whom I haven't seen in 3 years, and little things like getting to see a lightning storm on the way home, having cool water to drink while ziplining, getting to experience the feeling of flying (which I love) and much more, I am simply grateful that God would allow me to have so many good experiences in one weekend.

Me,soaring on a zipline like a pro

I'm So Excited

John 10:10 (New International Version)
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.--Jesus
I am SO excited (as you may have gathered from the title.)
I've been sort of down the past couple of days, feeling rather...different, socially awkward, and down on myself. A little lonely-- missing people from my past. Wanting to talk to someone, but they're no longer around. Makes my heart hurt a bit. Could use a pick me up.
It helped a lot that on Sunday night and Tuesday night I was out around new friends and got a chance to hang out, got a few hugs. That helps a lot, probably more than they realize. I hope for lots more of that in the future.
And now I am really excited.
What about, you ask? Oh, I was hoping you would.
1. Today I got a bikini. Why's THAT exciting? Oh let me share. Because this is the 1st year I am not hugely embarassed showing my body in public. This is the 1st year that I'm not consumed by worrying about how I look, wondering what people think of me ("Do they think I'm fat/ ugly/ hideous?") I just don't care anymore. Although I'm still a bit boney on top for a bathingsuit to look quit right, my body is strong, my body is healthy, and I FEEL good.
2. We're going to my favorite waterpark in the world on Friday. It's the best place in the world to relax and have fun.
3. Just about 30 minutes ago I made reservations online for something I've been wanting to do for YEARS!! I am going ZIPLINING on Saturday! Imagine zipping through the skies at a breakneck speed while pretending you're a bird or a butterfly. Fun! For more info, peek here.
It is going to be SO much fun, and hopefully I'll come back home in one piece. Even if I don't, I still think the experience will be worth a broken arm ;)
Ziplining is one of the last things on my "Bucket List." I've gone up in a hot air balloon, swam with dolphins, spelunked in caves, climbed some mountains, screamed my head off bunji jumping/flying through the air and hurling towards the ground (4 times), gone on the fastest/tallest/steepest roller coaster in the world, and more. (You would never guess that I'm one of the quietest, shyest people you'd ever meet.) (Serious adrenaline issues though.)

So, I have a couple of exciting days coming up, as a nice gift from God and I am thankful.

Be Still

God has been dealing with me for about a year about Psalm 46:10- "Be Still and Know that I am God." Have you ever thought much about that one?
I am not much for being still. All my life I've been on the move. Besides being generally hyper, my mind has about 16 different ping-pong balls inside of it constantly bouncing around in different directions. Every day I'm on the go-taking the baby for long walks in the morning, working out while the baby naps in the afternoon (I love Tae Bo) and sometimes even taking the dogs for walks in the evenings. Even then, it takes a pretty heavy cocktail of medications to knock me out to sleep at night and shut my brain off.
Be active? That's my thing. Be still? Not so much.
But I don't know how many times in the past year God has spoken to my heart to "Be still."
I'm learning, but the past few weeks I'm having a hard time with that.
I'm learning to not worry anymore, to hand things over to God. Learning to take time to take naps, to take more time out to do things I think are fun, to just play.
The other part of the "be still" is "Know that I am God
That's the fun part (much more fun and interesting than trying to be still.)
I have been reading books about God and Jesus, and learning to listen more closely to God.
Yesterday I got some great books that I recommend to anyone who would like to get to know Jesus more and learn more about God and His ways:
Jesus, Man of Joy by Sherwood Wirt, Just Give Me Jesus by Anne Graham Lotz, and His Name is Jesus by Max Lucado.
Joyce Meyer also has some incredible CD set teachings on God that I've listened to over and over again: The Character of God (sorry, couldn't find the link), a DVD called God is Faithful and True, and Be Still and Know that I am God.

Carly's Amazing Voice

I have always related very, very well to the children in my classes who had autism. I understand their world well. I understand their sensory defenses and communication problems quite well also. Quite a number of times I've been called a "Miracle Worker" with what I've been able to do with the amazing little ones I've had in my class. Autism is something I know deep in my heart.

But I've got to say that even I was amazed when I saw Carly F. on 20/20 last week. Did you happen to catch her story? She is an incredible young woman of 13 who has autism. She was incorrectly diagnosed as mentally retarded because she happens to have a lot of the typical autistic behaviors of "stimming" such as hitting herself, flapping her hands, banging her head, and not being able to talk. People thought those behaviors=no mind. But. Carly had a surprise for everyone when at 11 (I hope I'm getting all this info correct) she began typing--by herself-- on a computer and communicating that way.

And what she writes is truly, absolutely, amazing. She writes about what its like to have autism. She writes how she sees herself as just a normal girl trapped in a body she can't control, about why she stims like she does. Carly is a gifted writer and communicator. It just took some time for her to figure out how to get the words out.

I know how that goes.
Carly has her own website at http://carlysvoice.com/ if you would like to check her out. Please do. And next time you see someone with special needs, don't judge them. And next time you want to give up on someone, don't. Because they may just surprise you.

Fall, Redefined

So I know its a little early. Fall doesn't come to Texas until November. But, the back to school items are in the stores, and I've seen busses practicing their routes. Its back to school time around here. In the district I used to teach in, teachers are going back in the next 2 weeks.
And it.is.weird.
This is the 1st fall since 1978 that I have not done the "Back To School" thing. First year I haven't had to buy school supplies, new clothes, a new back pack. First year in 13 years that I haven't had the "OH MY GOSH I HAVE ONLY HOW MUCH TIME TO SET UP MY ROOM!?" freak out while receiving a pile of paperwork, a list of staff meetings, my class list, and spent $500 of my own money buying students' school supplies.
This is also the 1st year I haven't had my Fall Panic. My Fall "I think I'm gonna die of stress" insanity. Everyone who knows me probably has seen me go through my annual Fall...fall. I may be in a great mood all spring and summer, but in the fall...down I go. Lots of things that I don't like have happened in the fall. And I don't think I was built to take the kind of stress that fall has alwas brought.
But.
Not.
This.
Year!!
This is fall, redefined.
Now I am no longer teaching. I have no more meetings, no more paperwork. No more school supplies to buy. No more stress!! I loved teaching. I was called to be with children. But quitting special education was probably the best thing I ever did for my health and well-being. Old colleagues that see me now say things like "You look so much less stressed out!" and "You look so much healthier!" (Funny how not being attacked by kids on a daily basis can have that effect.)
Also, I used to get sick ALL the time. I haven't had so much as a cold since I quit teaching.

Now I hang out with a baby all day. Now the biggest decision I make are: bananas or peaches with lunch? Sixty minute or Ninety minute walk this morning? Do I take a nap while the baby is sleeping or try to get some stuff done around the house? Instead of pondering BIP's and IEP's I ponder nursery rhymes and how to get out stains. Or why the baby is obsessed with bananas and my telephone.

I do feel weird. Restless. Like I should be stressed out and doing something, but I'm not. I have back-to-school dreams still. Back to school nightmares sometimes. My body seems to know its back to school time and thinks it should be revved up and freaking out--but, I'm just NOT.
This is fall, redefined.
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the LORD. 'They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.'" (Jeremiah 29:11)

A Little Miracle Today

Today I know God is hearing my prayers.
I have had chronic pain since 1987, when I 1st busted my knee. Then around 2000, a student severly injured my back-it has never stopped hurting. My back&knee have been in constant pain since then, even when I took pain relievers like crazy. The back injury also caused severe headaches. There were other reasons besides this, but the pain caused me to always want to get away & escape my body. It was always just too much to handle, & it never stopped.
Then in May 2008 I busted my knee at work. In October 2008 a student broke my arm. Not fun stuff! I've spent a lot of time & money on pain management.
For months I've been praying (and been prayed for) for healing...and saying affirmations.
And today I can tell they are beginning to work!
The baby & I laid down for a nap today. When I woke up...I was pain free.
My entire body--no pain.
For an entire hour.
I felt as light as air. If almost felt as if there were something missing, because I felt so light.
There was NOTHING in me hurting--for the 1st time in 22 years. I could hardly believe it.
I was so thankful and grateful.
Once I got up playing with the baby & moving around again, the pain began to come back.
But for that one hour--I was free for the 1st time since I was 15 years old. It was incredible.
And if it happened for an hour, I KNOW it can happen again, and happen even longer. I am HOPEFUL-- one of these days I will be pain-free permanently!!
Every day I say outloud "God's healing power is working in me right now." "Every day I'm getting better and better in every way." I know its helping.

Now, if God will see fit to soon heal my broken heart inside, I will be even more thankful. I will keep praying, and praying. If He can heal my broken body, surely He can heal my broken heart.

In Love

Have you ever been in love?
I am in love with several people, whom I absolutely must tell you about.

• My husband. We have our kinks to work out from time to time, but things get better every year. I love how I catch him reading his Bible before work, how he volunteers at church, how he is an incredible therapist, and how sexy he looks in jeans & a t-shirt. I love how he surprises me with things like vacations, & Tinkerbell coloring books;and how when I wake up with nightmares he tells me things will be okay. He's also incredibly smart. I love to hold hands with him and public and put surprise candy bars in his lunch box. And, he stuck with me through 2008, the hardest year of my life, hands down.
• The baby. Okay so right now she is eating all my crackers and at lunch on Tuesday she threw a 45 minute fit (I took the opportunity to read a book), but I am in love with her. Today I dressed her in her most adorable outfit, a blue&white checked number with her name embroidered in red, and I could barely stand her cuteness. I love how she climbs all over me, how her mind works (today she invented a new game--hide things under the bed). I love how we have laughing contests to see who can be louder.
• My niece and nephew. Sure I may be a little biased, but these kids are brilliant. I let them do things that I wouldn't let any other children get away with, such as put makeup on me, sit on me, and wake me up at 7 a.m. just to play. A couple nights this summer, my 6 year old niece slept on the floor with me. It took my breath away to watch her sleep. As I stroked her hair I wondered, how is it possible that even as much as I loved her when she was born, that I love her even more now? How is it possible for a little girl to look so much like an angel? And my nephew-how does so much personality get inside a 25 pound kid? I am head-over-heels for these little people.

I am completely crazy about these people.

Did you know that someone is in love with you? That someone is completely crazy about YOU? That person is God.

And no, I'm not kidding or making this up. The One who made you, made you for Himself, for His good pleasure. He took the time, before the beginning of the world, to think about you and plan your life. He has a good plan for your life, and everything that God starts, He finishes. He formed you in your mother's womb. He knows every hair on your head. He longs to comfort you, to take you in His arms and give you peace. He knows everything about you-- he has studied your face. God knows your favorite movie, your favorite book, that you love macaroni and cheese but that you hate broccoli (oh wait, that's me ;) ) He knows how many wrinkles you're going to have when you're 82 and that 3 boys broke your heart before you were 19. He knows every word that is going to be on your tongue before you even think of it. He realizes that you do things wrong and make mistakes, even the same mistakes over and over. Yet He is absolutely crazy about you. Why? Because He chooses to. Because He made you. Because He wants to. (This is all in the Bible-I'm not making any of this up!)

And whats even better...God's love is perfect and ever-lasting. God's doesn't fall out of love. Have you ever had THAT happen? Had people stop loving you? I've known that heartbreak more than I care to count. Some of the worst words I've ever heart in my life were "That's it-- I'm DONE." "You're not worth it." "I never really cared in the 1st place." But God will not ever, ever say those. He won't even think them. Instead He says, "I have loved you with an everlasting love." Yah...let that sink in. Everlasting.

The King of the World is in love with YOU, you beautiful thing you. Forever.

"Do You Still Like Me?" [Insecurity Insanity]

I used to be horribly insecure. To the point that I would break out in a cold sweat if I thought that I had offended someone or done something wrong. "Do you still like me?" "Do you still care about me?" "Do you still love me?" were questions I asked people ALL THE TIME. My insecurity was enormous, and it wouldn't surprise me if it was one of the things that ended some of my relationships. It probably drained the life out of people-- always having to remind me that I was still "okay" in their eyes. I'm sure it drove other people nuts, because it drove ME nuts-- and I was the one asking the questions.
Its a lousy thing to feel insecure all the time. You always wonder if you're measuring up to everyone else's standards (which are endlessly changing) and if everyone in the world approves of you. You have to constantly change yourself to measure up to a line that is never in the same place. Its exhausting.
But guess what? I have discovered that there is only One Person that I really have to get the approval of (the world will tell you that you only have to have your own approval, but that's only half true)--and that's God.
I no longer have to wonder or worry what people think of me because I know that God fully approves of me. He MADE me (read Psalm 139 for a real waker-upper!). God thinks about me all the time.
I don't have to care anymore if people still like me or not. I mean, I don't go around ticking people off on purpose, but, I don't HAVE to have people approve of me anymore because God approves of me. God's love is constant and never, ever changes. He doesn't care if I have another grey hair. That dumb thing I did yesterday? After I ask for forgiveness, He's completely forgotten about it-- unlike people, who tend to hold grudges. God just forgives and forgets.
Do you know what God really, truly thinks about you and me?
Once I become a Christian, and ask God to forgive me of my sins, God accepts me and loves me unconditionally because of what Jesus did on the cross for me.
Read a bit of Psalm 45: He is enthralled by your beauty.
Did you catch that? ENTHRALLED.
The maker of the universe is entralled by you. By me. Captivated. In love. With you! With me!
Where else can you get a deal like that?
As long as I keep my mind on God and what He thinks of me, worrying about what people think of me just feels petty. Worrying what I think of me just seems petty.
That cellulite on my thighs? God knows its there. That wrinkle I've got going across my forehead? It was put there by His hands.
Do I still worry about what I look like? Do I ever wonder if a certain person likes me? Yah, sometimes. But I'm no longer a prisoner to it. It lasts a couple minutes, instead of days. I still check out the Oil of Olay line of products, just in case I need to attack some wrinkles or de-atomize my face or whatever those creams do. I still exercise every day...okay, just about every day. But if people don't like how I look without makeup, or my Eeyore t-shirt and cutoff jeans, well, tough on them. God looks at me and says, "Take a look at HER.... I made her. Isn't she precious?"
God thinks the same about YOU.
If you'd like to learn more about how God thinks YOU are fantastic, read these two AMAZING books:
Do You Think I'm Beautiful? By Angela Thomas
and
The Search for Significance by Robert McGee

The Flaw that Women Have...

(BTW, this is a real image from space-its called the Eye of God--cool, huh?)

Not Biblicially accurate, but still a nice story...

By the time the Lord made woman, He was into his sixth day of working overtime.

An angel appeared and said, "Why are you spending so much time on this one?" And the Lord answered, "Have you seen my spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have over two hundreds movable parts, all replaceable, have a lap that can hold four children at one time, have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart and she will do everything with only two hands."

The angel was astounded at the requirements. "Only two hands!? No way! And that's just on the standard model? That's too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish. "But I won't," the Lord protested. "I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart. She already heals herself when she is sick AND can work eighteen hour days."

The angel moved closer and touched the woman. "But you have made her so soft, Lord." "She is soft," the Lord agreed, "but I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish." "Will she be able to think?", asked the angel. The Lord replied, "Not only will she be able to think, she will be able to reason and negotiate."

The angel then noticed something, and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek. "Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model. I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one." "That's not a leak," the Lord corrected, "that's a tear"

"What's the tear for?" the angel asked. The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love, her loneliness, her grief and her pride."

The angel was impressed. "You are a genius, Lord. You thought of everything! Woman is truly amazing."

And she is! Women have strengths that amaze men. They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy. They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous. They fight for what they believe in. They stand up to injustice. They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution. They go without so their family can have. They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

They love unconditionally. They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards. They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors. They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning. They bring joy, hope and love. They have compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends. Women have vital things to say and everything to give.

However there is one flaw in woman,it is that she forgets her worth.

Diamonds in the Grass

On Sunday the dogs and I were playing in the sprinkler and I found this incredible sight... it looked like there were diamonds sparkling in the grass:

Can you tell what it is?
It's water droplets from the sprinkler on a spider web! Isn't it incredibly beautiful? The droplets were shining in the sun like nothing I've ever seen before. If you looked closely, you could see tiny little rainbows inside some of the drops. It made me think of Heaven, how all things will be made new. Everything will be perfect and shiney and the streets will be made of gold, and there will be light everywhere because Christ will be the Light of Heaven. Cool, huh? There won't be any sorrow or pain-- just happiness. Who needs real diamonds when you can come across beauty like this just playing outside?

Language Development

The baby is going to be 11 months old soon. Her language is really coming along. Just today I made a list of some of her words (some she even does the sign for):

Finished/All done (sign only), Ball, Up, /G/ (hard g sound) means Go, Bub-bo (bubble), and Ni-ni (means night). Today she started saying Ya-ya and Daaa. She's also got some all-purpose sounds. "Ba" in the playroom means "Get my ball"; "Ba" in the kitchen means "I want my bottle" and "Ba" in the kitchen while pointing to the fruit basket means "I want another banana, for the 3rd time today." (What can I say, the girl knows what she likes.) And "baaaaa" with extra A's on it means "sheep sound." Thankfully, she hasn't learned "No!!!!!!!" yet. (Give it time, right?) And, apparently, the word "Bapa", her favorite sound, means "Everything else under the sun."

Observing the baby change her words over time from just sounds to whole words has made me think about how the language I use to refer to God has changed over time. Has yours ever done that?

When I was little, God was simply "God". The big, bearded man who lived in the clouds, and my Sunday School teacher said He loved me, but God was too far away to have much to do with me.

Later, I heard about God as "Father". Which, honestly, didn't appeal to me. My idea of fathers was what I knew from 1950's tv shows..they went to work, came home and smoked a pipe, mother brought their slippers, and the only time they really got involved in family life was if The Beave was setting something on fire or Timmy was really down a well.

As a teenager who wasn't much into church, my image of God was as a punisher, an angry, just God who was waiting to catch me doing something wrong. Hardly someone I wanted to run to for help, so I pretty much avoided Him, except for an occassional prayer for Him to give me something I wanted.

At 17 I became a Christian. Then God became Cool God. Buddy God. All of a sudden He was interesting. I wanted to find out about this Jesus I had never really heard about before. I found out that it wasn't all about religion, it was about relationship.

But God still didn't have a personal, close name that I wanted to call Him. There still seemed to be a distance between God and I...and I knew that it was up to me to come closer. It wasn't until I went through a crisis last year that I really started to want to know who God is. REALLY is. I got a set of CD's by Joyce Meyer on The Character of God, and another set on The Names of God...and started to get to know Him better. He is El-Elyon,The Lord Most High;El-Shaddai, The God Who is Sufficient for the Needs of His People;Jehovah-Jireh,The Lord our Provider;Jehovah-Rapha, The Lord our Healer; He is JEHOVAH (YHWH)...and so much more.
But none of those quite fit what I was searching for.

Then one day I did some study on Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, and it hit me-- Jesus, who was closer to God than anyone-- what did he call God?
"Abba, Father," he said, "everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will."
Jesus called God Abba. And then I found it again in Romans:
those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba,Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children.

And I realized...THAT'S the kind of relationship I want with God. To consider myself His child, as Jesus did. To be able to cry out to Him, "Abba, Father"-- the aramaic word for Daddy. THAT'S how close I want to be to God. As close as Jesus was.
Its still in its developmental stage, this relationship is. I'm still learning about how to be closer to my Abba God, to think less of Him as the remote Father in the sky and more of Him as the intimate, loving Abba who cherishes me. But, like the baby who makes improvements every day with her language, I too am on my way.

I'm Expecting Rainbows

We've been getting soaked with rain the past few days which I find completely delightful, but it has me hoping the sun comes back out soon too. Rainbows are on my mind... so here are some of my favorite "rainbow" pictures I found online. Check these out!!

Rainbow Jell-O- how cool is that?
Rainbow CAKE... makes me hungry!

Some extremely talented man with a mind like my own made this art with something like 642 CD-roms. Its 6 ft in diameter. I want this!
This rainbow umbrella would be fun to twirl on a rainy day.

This artwork is called Rainbow Ocean. I would love to swim in it.

Someone made this Rainbow Cake for some special occassion. Isn't it incredible? Now I'm REALLY hungry ;)

How I Changed...

"You know what?"
I announced to my husband the other night, "I'm happy sometimes now."
We were sitting on the couch, reading books. I'm sure this isn't something that my husband ever expected to hear out of me. A year ago, I couldn't have imagined ever saying something like that.
A year and a half ago, it felt like the bottom fell out of my life. Something traumatic happened, and for months and months I was sick over it. I was probably the most miserable person on earth at that point. I felt betrayed, hurt, lost, abandoned, and incredibly alone. And I felt like God had forgotten about me-- I was that alone. If there even WAS a God. And if there was a God, He probably hated me. I missed a lot of work. Then, I got hurt physically (busted knee@ work), and missed even more work. I had from April to August all to myself-- all day long, stuck on the couch, recovering. And I was driving myself crazy.

Then in October, a child broke my arm--and I had even MORE time to myself because I couldn't go to work.

Three people I loved died. Two from cancer, and my favorite student in the world died from a sudden & unexpected illness. I was hit in the face with what was TRULY important to me. I had no one to help me through these losses except God. I was driven to a closer relationship with Him.

Miraculously, one day last year I came across a book called Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer. I'd never read anything like it before. It was about taking control of your thoughts, learning how to think Biblically. It was really hard for me to start doing. VERY hard. My thoughts had been so twisted for so many years. I figured, this Joyce Meyer lady seems to know what she's talking about though. So when she came to town for a conference, I went to 2 of the sessions. Hmmm... that was...different. It was like a giant party...full of people who believed God cared. She talked about how God loved me. Me? Maybe God was still there. I started buying Joyce's CD's as well. Quite a few of them.

I couldn't stand to be alone with my negative thoughts, and my mind on what had happened to me in January all the time-- so I played my CD player ALL the time--even at night. I had a lot of trouble sleeping all those months, so when I would have trouble going to sleep and wake up all throughout the night, I would hear God's Word and positive talk in my ears whenever I woke up, with my CDs repeating all night long. My brain needed a major reprogramming.

Thankfully, I got off some medications I had been taking for several years that were supposed to "help" me feel better. I had no idea they had become part of the problem. Within a month of stopping them meds, I felt like my brain was beginning to work again. Then this spring I got on my WonderMed-- Effexor. WOW!! After 13 years of searching, I found something that actually WORKS on me (its ABOUT TIME!!)- it works on my ADD and my depression as well as helps with some other problems I have. I feel like I should write an "Ode To Effexor" or something. I love this stuff.

There were still a lot of hard times. I remember one night home alone, begging God to give me a new life-- I wanted so badly to get away from the old me, the one I hated so much. I wanted to start all new. I cut off all my long hair, got a new style so that I looked really different. I started dressing a little differently. Because I'd been so sick, I had lost quite a bit of weight, so that made me look different too. But I still needed to work on changing my negative internal world.

Then I read a book by Joyce called Me and My Big Mouth!... and I learned about how to speak more positively. I started trying THAT. So much of my life, since I had been taught to, I had spoken negatively about myself, situations, my future. But this book taught me to speak positively about those things.

But I still didn't have any revelations about God. That is when I found some books and Bible studied by Beth Moore, including Believing God. She talked about learning to believe what God says-that He is Who He says He is, that He can do what He says He can do, that I am who He says I am, that I can do all things through Christ, and that God's Word is alive and active in me. I listened to the study over and over...and I finally got it, 'round about July. GOD loves me. God LOVES me. The creator of the universe loves ME. After 2 decades of being a Christian, I finally GOT it-- Jesus truly did love me.
After that, things got a little easier.

I started talking to God all the time. I started saying affirmations out loud all the time. I started going to classes and Bible studies, to be around other people who were interested in the same things I was. I was scared to pieces at first, but after a while, it got easier, and eventually I started looking forward to getting out (once I could walk again.) When I felt like saying something negative, I made myself keep quiet. I started reading my Bible more and listening to a lot of praise music.

Then, I walked away from my job-one that had caused me a lot of stress. I got a new job. Or rather, God brought me a new job. A new, stress-free job. As some of you read my posts here last fall, that was a major leap for me, but its one of the best things I ever trusted God for.
Gradually, I started trusting God more and more.

I have learned to be grateful for every little thing-like a soft bed, clean water, a safe place to sleep, food on the table. The fact that I had air in my lungs. I have learned to appreciate even the littlest things that anyone does for me-for smiling at me, e-mailing me, my husband making me tea in the morning, a colored picture from my niece. I am not afraid of everything anymore, like I used to be. Instead, I look forward to the future, because I know that God has good things planned for me.

That wound from last year is still there... unfortunately. I still think about it, dream about it, more than I would like to. It hurts too much to talk about. I have to keep a lot of that buried, so that I can keep a smile on my face. There's still a hole in my heart from it. But at least I know that God can heal it. In time, I think He will, because He is our Healer. What happened last year changed me... a lot. But God can take even the worst of things, and make something good happen from them.
He works things out for good for those who love Him and keep His commandments. He takes care of His children. He can take my mess and turn it into a message.
Its still a process. And I still have a LOOONG way to go. Long way. But thank God I'm not where I used to be. For that, I'm happy.

The Brick

THE BRICK

A young and successful
executive was traveling down a neighborhood street,
going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar. He was
watching for kids darting out from between parked
cars and slowed down when he thought he saw
something. As his car passed, no children appeared.
Instead, a brick smashed into the Jag's side door!
He slammed on the brakes and backed the Jag back to
the spot where the brick had been thrown. The angry
driver then jumped out of the
car, grabbed the nearest kid and pushed him up
against a parked car shouting,
'What was that all about and who are you? Just what
the heck are you doing? That's a new car and that
brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money. Why
did you do it?' The young boy was apologetic.
'Please, mister...please, I'm sorry but I didn't
know what else to do,' He pleaded. 'I threw the
brick because no one else would stop...' With tears
dripping down his face and off his chin, the youth
pointed to a spot just around a parked car. 'It's my
brother, 'he said 'He rolled off the curb and fell
out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him
up.'

Now sobbing, the boy
asked the stunned executive, 'Would you please help
me get him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and
he's too heavy for me.'

Moved beyond words, the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling
lump in his throat.. He hurriedly lifted the
handicapped boy back into the wheelchair, then took
out a linen handkerchief and dabbed at the fresh
scrapes and cuts. A quick look told him everything
was going to be okay. 'Thank you and may God bless
you,' the grateful child told the stranger. Too
shook up for words, the man simply watched the boy!
push his wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk
toward their home..

It was a long, slow walk back to the Jaguar. The damage was very
noticeable, but the driver never bothered to repair
the dented side door. He kept the dent there to
remind him of this message: 'Don't go through life
so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to
get your attention!' God whispers in our souls and
speaks to our hearts. Sometimes when we don't have
time to listen, He has to throw a brick at us. It's
our choice to listen or not.

I am Free

How to Be Happy

So, I think I'm developing a little philosophy over here in my little space of the world. Spending hours and hours alone with a baby, seeing the world through her eyes, and lots and lots of time alone with God, gives me plenty of time to think. Here's a list I'm coming up with: HOW TO BE TRULY HAPPY

*Note: This is not a complete list....and I will probably keep adding to it.

• Ask Jesus into your heart. Everything good comes down to being a believer, obeying God, & having faith in His promises. How to do that:click here.
• Don't let your happiness depend on your circumstances. If my happiness depended on what was going on around me, I'd be miserable all the time. FIND things to be happy about: flowers. butterflies.the color yellow. heaven. knowing God loves you. baby smiles.
• Simplify your life. A great book to learn how to do this: 100 Ways to Simplify Your Life by Joyce Meyer. If you haven't read it, put it on your list. Do 1 thing at a time. Live in the moment. Spend time with your family. Turn the tv off and read a book.
• Accept that people will let you down and hurt you sometimes. Hurting people hurt people. It's hard...but its part of life. Put your faith & trust in God. He will never, ever let you down.
• Look for the positives every day. Most clouds really DO have a silver lining-- but you have to look for them.
• On that note, HANG AROUND POSITIVE PEOPLE.
• Learn where you stand. Read The Search for Significance by Robert McGee.
• Start each day on a good note-wake up and say good morning to someone. Be thankful you have a soft, warm bed to sleep in and food in your pantry for breakfast. Instead of thinking of "all I have to do today," think about who you can go be a blessing to today. Ask God to help you today. Your strength comes from Him.
• Take your mind off yourself, and put it on other people. Who can you be a blessing to today? Everyone can do something. If nothing else, you can smile at someone or offer a hug. Sometimes, all people need is acknowledgement.
• Learn to like yourself. You're going to be with you all the time, wherever you go. Might as well make friends with yourself.
• Forgive people, forgive yourself. You, and others, probably did the best you knew how at the time. When you learn better, you do better. Let go, and move on (yep, this is tough, but ask God to help you do it-its possible.Okay, really really HARD.but possible.)
• Give money to homeless people and tell them God still loves them.
• Take care of yourself. Sleep some, play some, work some, laugh some, think some, and then... play some more.
• Have an attitude of grattitude. Whining is boring, but being thankful is an attitude that God appreciates. If you've got air in your lungs, food on your table, and a roof over your head, you've got a lot going for you-- tell God thank you.
• Put God first. Seek 1st the kingdom of heaven, and God will give you the rest of the things you need.
• Treat people well. The more you do for others, the happier you will be. Even more fun, do good deeds in secret, and don't tell anyone else what you did. Be stealthfully good. Its really fun to know you are the one doing random acts of kindness, and no one can figure out who it is...but YOU know.
• Give kids with lemonade stands $5 for their 10 cent cup of lemonade.
  

I am learning to have peace

Psalm 62:1-8
1 My soul finds rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from him.
My soul rests...it is quiet. I don't argue with God. I quiet the voices in my head. I seek His face. I bow my head in prayer, I don't try to reason with God. I listen. My soul is open and receptive to what He has to say.
2 He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.
I have learned that the ONLY ONE who can truly help me is God. You can't rely on "best friends", relatives, counselors, horoscopes, New Age gurus, television stars, or anyone else to save you. You can't even rely on yourself. The only one who cantruly help me is God, and God alone.
3 How long will you assault a man?
Would all of you throw him down—
this leaning wall, this tottering fence?
4 They fully intend to topple him
from his lofty place;
they take delight in lies.
With their mouths they bless,
but in their hearts they curse.
Selah
How long will people put me down, disappoint me, let me down, talk about me behind my back, hurt me, say mean things, or other things? Probably as long as I live. Jesus said "In this world you will have trouble." Not maybe. Will.

5 Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from him.
My hope is not in things, places, or people. My hope is in God. My hope is my confident expectation that God is Who He says He is, that God can do what He says He can do, that I am who God says I am.

6 He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
God is faithful. Those who hope in Him will never be disappointed or put to shame.

7 My salvation and my honor depend on God;
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
8 Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.
Selah
God is not like man that He should lie. God will not let me down. God is like a rock... He never changes. I can trust him right now, every step of the way. Every moment. God does not live in the past-- He is not the great I Was. God does not live in the future--He is not the great I Will Be. He is here with me, now. He is the Great I Am. I can pour out my heart to Him- my tears, my hopes and dreams, my disappointments, my pains, my laughter, because God is always listening and always here with me. He is my Strong Tower, always holding me up.
In that, I have peace.
Pause, and think about that.

To Know Your Name- Hillsong

This is one of my favorite songs-the louder, the better-- we sang it in church today. Enjoy :)

Random Facts About Me 2--words

Totally stolen from Christians in Good Company's Blog... ;)... plus a few of my own

Yourself: Longing
Your partner: Intelligent
Your hair: cute
Your body: smallish
Your Mother: Growing
Your Father: Learning
Your Favorite Item: my Bible
Your dream last night: Sad
Your Favorite Drink: diet Pepsi
Your Dream Home: open
Your faith: Christian
Your fear: drowning
Where you Want to be in Ten Years? Happy
Who you hung out with last night: hubby
What You’re Not: hopeless
Muffins: chocolate chip
One of Your Wish List Items: big yard
Time: Precious
The Last Thing You Did: play a game
What You Are Wearing: sweatshirt
Your favorite weather: warm
Your Favorite Book: Bible
Your Past:hard
Last thing you ate: brownie
Your Life: blessed
Your mood: sleepy
Your Best Friends: hopefully someday
What are you thinking about right now: God
What are you doing at the moment: blogging
Relationship status: married
What is on your TV: Law & Order SVU
What is the weather like: 84 degrees
When is the last time you laughed:today
Twitter:JustPilgrim
Favorite summer spot: Schlitterbahn
Your Goal: Peace

It's Not Fair!

The past couple of days I've had a self-centered attack of the "What about Me?"'s and the "Its not fair!"'s as I've allowed myself on occassion to give in to old thoughts. I've run into some people who have been getting away with things that are wrong, and that bugs me. I've run into someone I used to know who is whiney & negative, and manipulates people into feeling sorry for her, and that bugs me too. So I confess I've been feeling...perturbed. And a little judgemental too. And a little of the "this isn't fair!" stuff has snuck in there too. I try to always do the right thing, and I work like crazy to be positive & help others, yet when I need help-- is it there?-- not often. So, I went into a funk. Man, what about me? This isn't fair!

I have been praying & praying about this attitude of mine. I know it needs a MAJOR adjustment still. I don't want to have any bitterness or resentment in my heart. I'm not better than anyone else, & I do stuff wrong all the time; what right do I have to complain about other people, right?
So tonight I asked God to have a Come-t0-Jesus-Meeting with me (do y'all have those outside of Texas?) and He sure did.

My attitude adjustment came with the TRUTH of what is REALLY not fair in life. God laid it on my heart to watch Mel Gibson's "The Passion" movie for the umpteenth time tonight. One of my favorite movies. Always breaks my heart & I have to look away at some parts, like when Jesus is being beaten and spit on. But this time, I forced myself to watch every bit--
Here's what's "NOT FAIR:"
That Jesus lived a perfect, absolutely sinless life, and yet was punished for our sins. MY sins.
That Jesus loved me so much that he came down from his perfect life in heaven beside the Father, put up with people SPITTING IN HIS FACE, calling him horrendous names, blaspheming him, beating him until he was unrecognizable, and DYING for me. THAT's what isn't fair.
That I don't deserve a dang thing... and yet THIS is what he did for me:
I know it was Roman soldiers who put him on the cross, but it may as well have been MY hand on that nail, and my arm swinging that hammer. Because that's what it represented:

His Mercy. His Love. His Death. That's what's not fair.

Consider my attitude adjusted.

I will now go back to my regular programming.

Standing in Integrity

One of my favorite shirts says "Stand in Integrity."
Integrity is a word that means a lot to me. Perhaps because in my life I've encountered so many people without it. Something I've learned from all the things that have happened to me over the years: what NOT to do and how NOT to treat people. If nothing else, I've gotten that out of my mess.
Integrity is defined as: adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty. But I have always thought of it in a simpler definition: Say what you mean, mean what you say, BE who you seem. When I 1st began teaching, I made that into a sign and hung it over my desk to remind me how to deal with colleagues and students alike.
Its sometimes really hard to have integrity in today's world, isn't it? Even just today I had to REALLY deal with the temptation to compromise my integrity as I wanted SO badly to spread some gossip about something "bad" I know about someone. All day I wanted to inform some people about some "behind the scenes info" that I know about someone that they don't... "you don't know the whole story, you see...just let me tell you what I know..." By the time evening came around, I was in the bathroom rebuking demons and telling the devil to take a hike to the cross and get dealt with by Jesus, shut up and get out of my head. Thankfully, God came to my aide once again.
Jesus had integrity. He was honest and told things as they are, even to the point of offending people who didn't want to hear what he had to say. But he stood on his moral principles, which were appointed to him by God. As God's Son, it was his job, and I would imagine that it was his pleasure to do so because he was a good man.
As a follower of Jesus Christ, it is also my job to have integrity. It is to be part of my own honor code: I must be honest, I must mean what I say and say what I mean. I need to not wear a mask (which is something I have a hard time with). I must be who I seem to be. That means my insides must match my outsides. That's a whole other post in itself! I think, however, that if we want a model of integrity, we need to look to Jesus.

Psalm 37- Do Not Fret

Be sure you get all this:
Psalm 37:1-11
1 Do not fret because of evil men
or be envious of those who do wrong;
2 for like the grass they will soon wither,
like green plants they will soon die away.
3 Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
4 Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart. <------- 5 Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:
6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.
7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.
8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret—it leads only to evil.
9 For evil men will be cut off,
but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land.
10 A little while, and the wicked will be no more;
though you look for them, they will not be found.
11 But the meek will inherit the land
and enjoy great peace.

Its really,really hard when people who do bad things seem to get away with it, isn't it? Its really really hard when people who mistreat you seem to get more attention, more riches, more friends, more fun, or more money. Its really hard when people who treat you badly don't even seem to care, but just go on with their lives without a second thought and leave you behind, hurting. I'm fighting these battles in my mind right now. But really, the battles belong to God. Look what God says about these things to us, just in Psalm 37--this is just one place out of many in the Scriptures.
It may look like evil men are prospering for now. But- they won't always. Its just for a little while. They'll eventually wither away. If we make sure not to fret, to keep on doing good, to give our cause over to God, then HE will shine upon us and let our right ways be visible. He will give us an inheritance that is worth much more than what evil people are temporarily receiving. If we will wait on the Lord, He WILL come through for us-- God is faithful, and He will do what He says. All we need to do is NOT FRET (I'm a good fretter-- how about you?)-- trust in the Lord, go about doing good, and HE will give us the desires of our heart.
I'm counting on that-- aren't you?

I Will NOT Give Up!

One of Joyce Meyer's latest creations is the Never Give Up Curriculum which I bought last year at the Women's Conference. It has come in very handy-- if you don't have it, you should get it. (You'd think I worked for Joyce Meyer, right? I actually don't... maybe I should start plugging Beth Moore and Joel Osteen stuff as well I think...)
Anyway, I am being tested again. Again again. And I am determined to not give up. I WILL pass the tests I'm being put through right now. I KNOW that God is faithful. I KNOW that God is trustworthy. I KNOW He will come through for me, somehow.

Today I found out I've been ripped off by someone at Ebay, and Ebay says they can't help me. I was counting on some money to come through to help pay medical bills this month, but someone on ebay did something wrong, when I was trying to be a blessing. My old self would get all worried, anxious, and upset. I've been taken advantage of a lot, and too many times people have hurt me & gotten away with it. I could get all angry today. But I'm determined to not get that way. I know that God saw what that guy did, and God knows my heart. I also know these Scriptures:

Psalm 11:7For the LORD is righteous, he loves justice; upright men will see his face.
Psalm 135:14For the LORD will vindicate his people and have compassion on his servants
Psalm 33:5The LORD loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of his unfailing love

God will make things right. He will also provide for me. God knows I need the money and He knows what bills I have. He'll provide somehow, and I don't have to worry. I am determined to get through this month without worrying like I used to.
I'm also in a good deal of pain. Chronic pain in my back & arm are a little worse than usual. But, God is my healer. And like Joyce said at her meeting the other day, "Every day I'm getting better and better in every way." God's healing power is at work in me RIGHT NOW. Just because I'm not feeling it yet doesn't mean it isn't happening. But one of these days I WILL be pain free. I know God can help. I am determined to believe God for healing and wait it out. God will take care of me.

Everywhere You've Been...

Something that Joyce Meyer said at the San Antonio conference the other night really struck me. I took a lot of notes and I have a lot of thoughts, but this is something that is really on my mind today.
I have been having a lot of nightmares again. Some of you know my story, but most of it I've kept secret. I've had a lot of struggles. There have been a lot of hard times. I've been hurt a lot, made some choices I regret, lost a lot of people I love, things like that. Lots of things I'm trying hard to forget. It comforts me though, to know that God has a good plan for my life because I love Him and follow His commandments.
Something that Joyce said the other night struck me so much that I wrote down the direct quote:
"Everywhere you've been will become part of where you're going."
This is so true. Scripture says that our steps are ordered by the Lord. God can take our mess and make it into something beautiful. He can give us beauty for our ashes. God knows my every step...everywhere I have been. He can take everything, even the painful places, and use them for good. So even those awful places I've been (and there have been some really awful painful spots, let me tell you-- and I know that you've had them too) God will use them and help them become part of the path. The path that will lead to your better life. The Good Life that He wants you to have. It doesn't have to stop at the pain. You can keep on going through the hard times, and let God use those hard times, make those crooked places straight.
It helps me to know that even when I have a difficult day now (even though they are rare now, they still come) God is using it to get me where I'm going. I used to think that some days of my life were just lost, useless. But I can see now that God had a plan to use even those days.
No day is ever lost to God. He can take everything and work it for good.

Joyce Meyer Conference Part II

Well I'm obviously back safely home from the Joyce Meyer Conference in San Antonio this weekend. I made it... my 1st road trip all by myself! [I'd feel more sophisticated and grown-up bragging about that if I were not sitting here in my Hello Kitty pajamas.]
It went great. I even got off work nearly 2 hours early, so I missed all of the rush hour traffic trying to get out of the city. There were no traffic problems the entire way. I even made it to the last 40 minutes of Thursday night's session as a bonus. During the other sessions on Friday & Saturday, I got there way early and sat in the 5th row each time. I was hopefully a blessing to some people by paying for a stranger's parking & buying water for some thirsty people.

This is how close I was: Joyce was right there! She was adorable as always. Her topic this weekend was mostly about being an imitator of God, and talked some about the characteristics of God. It was awesome. She talked about how God is good all the time and we need to be good to people all the time (even on a hard day, even when we don't feel like it.) I took a lot of notes and I'll talk about some of them in the next couple weeks.

Martin from Delirious lifted some of the kids who were dancing up on the stage to sing & dance with him. They were so excited. They had really, really cool graphics displayed on the giant screens, and the music was SOOOO loud that it was vibrating through my whole body (I love that.) I just love worshipping with thousands of other people. The light show was awesome too.

One of the greatest parts was the alter call. There were 2 of them, and Joyce said that over 2,100 got saved. Can you imagine the giant party going on in Heaven this weekend over that?

Follow Me on Twitter

I've become an official tweetie (twit?) after my pastor went on and on about tweeting this morning at church. I thought, good heavens, if even he's joined the insanity, how much longer am I going to be a holdout? The selling point though was when he talked about different kinds of updates. We can talk about just the things we do every day, or we can think higher... do the things we do every day lead our thoughts towards God? Its sort of like what I try to do with this blog. Only with 140characters or less.
So, I put up my 1st update about 10 minutes ago. There I go, an actual tweet.
Look for me: JustPilgrim

Joyce Meyer Conference in San Antonio, Here I Come!!

I am SO completely excited. In just a couple of hours I'll be on my way to the Joyce Meyer Conference in San Antonio. I can hardly wait!!!!
As you've read earlier in my blog, at the last minute I was unable to be a volunteer at the Tulsa Conference :( It really broke my heart on that one. I wanted to go be a blessing SOOOOO badly by volunteering. But things didn't work out with my job.
However, God REALLY times some things really fabulously with this conference. My boss is going out of town THIS EXACT WEEKEND for 4 days, so I can leave tonight (I will miss the Thursday evening opening session, but that's okay-- there will be Friday morning, Fri evening, AND Saturday to go to), AND I will even have Monday off to help get rested up from all my driving. HURRAY!!
I am really praying to be a blessing there to people. I'm taking some of my jewelry to give out if it seems right, and I'm taking a little extra money. At the J.M. Women's Conference last September, a kind lady gave me a $50 Gift Card out of nowhere so I could purchase some materials. I want to be able to be like that for someone, because that just brightened my whole day.
Joyce Meyer conferences are life-changing. I am expecting great things to happen. Plus, there is absolutely NOTHING like spending an hour of worship with thousands of other people. The band Delirious is playing this conference, and they're good. So I'm excited. I'm going to try to get there early so I can get a seat up front each time. Its more fun down on the floor where you can get in the aisles and dance :P
And I SOOO need this conference. I don't know what the topic is going to be, but it always seems to be something that i need to hear right at that time.
So.... off I go really soon. Please pray that I have a safe trip. I'm excited!

DC Talk Spirit in the Sky

My sister and I used to be big fans of DC Talk, and this is also one of my favorite songs. I'm also a big fan of thunderstorms (see my previous post on thunderstorms, here somewhere). I thought this video was pretty cool.

Happy Birthday Babydoll

Eight years is not very long.
Especially if that's your entire lifetime.
That isn't even long enough to make it into the national census.
It is a long time to be in pain though. A long time to be a child who has to fight will illness that lands you in the hospital every few weeks, taking medicines, getting shots, missing school, missing your friends.
But it isn't very long to run and play, or check for presents under the Christmas tree, or have sleepovers, or get enough hugs and kisses.
And it definitely isn't long enough if you're someone who loved that child.
Today a little girl I had in my class for nearly 3 years would be turning 9 years old. There isn't any good way at all to talk about how she died last year, so I won't even try. She was here, and then all of a sudden she was not. There isn't any good way to talk about a child's funeral, so I won't. It was horrible, and that's all. Watching her mother cry over the tiny casket was one of the most heart-wrenching things I've ever witnessed, and I hope I never see something like that again.
I'll call her Babydoll, because that's what I called her most often in my classroom. She was teensy- tiny. She came to me in a wheelchair and not talking and had an angry/sad face. I was determined to turn her around. I made her get up and walk. I wouldn't give her a snack until she asked for it. I made faces at her to get her to smile. Mean teacher, I was. Also effective. The 1st time we walked down the hallway (a 2 minute trip for the rest of the kids) it took her 18 minutes. I walked with her. After three years, the hallway trip only took her 3 minutes. After 3 years, she would tell me stories about things that happened at home, and she laughed and played on the playground. She would crawl up in my lap on days it hurt too much for her to walk. I taught her to do addition and write her name and name her letters.
She taught me to love more selflessly. And patience. Much, much patience as we walked, oh so slowly up and down the hallway, time and time again.
I would love to be inspirational and say that I know she's in Heaven with Jesus running around and not in pain anymore (which I know she is) and how that's enough just to know she's okay. But really I just wish she was with her mom and dad and her little sisters right now, opening up a new Dora doll and blowing out candles on her birthday cake. Even though I know that she's in heaven right now where there are no more tears, no more medicines, no more shots.... really right now I just wish she was right here where I could pull her up in my lap one more time and hear her laugh, and wish her happy birthday and walk with her down the hallway one more time.
Happy Birthday Babydoll.

Compassion International again

I'm SO completely excited about being able to sponsor a child again. It's been a long time since I sponsored a child and I'm really looking forward to sharing my love, little gifts, and the Word of God with another little one across the world. This isn't something I can really afford but I'm stepping out in faith that God will provide me the money each month to be able to sponsor little Jocelyn because I'm doing this out of gratitude for God's faithfulness. I am looking forward to the time when I'll be able to sponsor more than one child. If I could, I'd take in a whole handful. Hopefully someday (soon.)

One of the reasons I picked Jocelyn was because she was on the "Longest Waiting" list, but I also picked her because of her picture. She looks a lot like a child who I loved very much. Actually, I looked at pictures of a lot of children. I looked at sad eyes, angry eyes, happy eyes, weary eyes. I said lots of prayers and wondered about lots of the children. Wondered what was going on in their minds when their photos were taken.

What would make a 5 year old look so angry? Why would a 4 year old look so hurt? It isn't too hard to guess, of course. These children are living in extreme poverty. Some are orphans. Some have handicaps. Many of them are affected by AIDS. Many of the children are doing things that children just shouldn't have to be doing yet, like a 4 year old having the job of hauling well-water back and forth in a bucket to her home. I wish with all my heart I could take that little one in, and allow her to play dolls and games all day, spoil her with new clothes and kisses on her cheek at night.

And some pictures surprised me: the happy ones. Some of the children are, in fact, smiling in their pictures? What do they know that others don't? Is it possible that some of these children already realize what some adults in the United States still don't... that our level of happiness isn't dependent on our circumstances? That we can have joy even when things around us are difficult... that we can find things to be grateful for and happy about, even when we face tough times. "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer" (Romans 12:12)

Anyway, I'm so grateful to be able to help Jocelyn and her family. I am praying that God will let them know that help is on the way for her, and her time of waiting for a sponsor (over 6 months) is finally over.

Compassion International

Look who I just adopted! Isn't she precious? Her name is Jocelyn and she's 6 years old. She likes to play with dolls and goes to Bible School. Please pray for her. God did something really great for me today-- he helped my parents out in an awesome way by helping them get free from a lousy boss they had. I was so grateful that I wanted to do something for God to show my thankfulness. I can't think of anything I'd rather do for God than help take care of one of his children.


Sponsoring a child through Children International is easy and quick. You can search for children by many different criteria such as country, gender, need, age, and more. The cost is only $38 a month and for that you not only get the opportunity to pray for and take care of a specific child, but you can send them gifts, even send their family gifts if you like, enabling others to share the gospel with them, and get several letters a year in return. Best of all, you're helping take care of the children that Jesus loves and helping others spread the love of Jesus to them.

Stars and Stripes Forever

Didn't know the Muppets were so patriotic, did ya?



Rock on, Animal & Beeker....

Let Freedom Ring

Happy 4th of July Everyone! As we honor the soldiers and those who fought for our independece, lets earnestly remember the One who we TRULY owe our freedom to... our Lord Jesus Christ.
Enjoy your celebrations!

The Baby is in her Clingy Stage...

The baby is in her clingy stage right now. The 10-month mark is just around the corner, and she's right on schedule with her social skills. This includes learning to clap, learning to be proud of herself, and.... not wanting me more than 2 feet away from her at any time. She wants to constantly have my attention. She likes to make sure that I see everything I am doing, make sure that I see where she's pointing. Another thing she loves to do is climb on me. I'm her own personal jungle gym lately. We have so much fun playing on the floor, her crawling over my legs, using me for balance and she uses my head/nose/back/arms as an aide to stand herself up. She's also into exploring. Apparently my face, eyes, teeth, tongue, ears, and hair (which she doesn't quite get is ATTACHED to my HEAD...OUCH) are some of the most fascinating things in the world right now. And when she needs comfort, she immediately reaches for me. Dozens and dozens of times a day. If she needs something from her bottle to a toy to help getting up, I hear her call for me: "Em!! Em!!" Over and over. And I reassure her: I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. Over and over.

Do I mind this? Do I mind having tiny hands reaching for me over and over again throughout the day? Do I mind having my name called again and again? (For those of you mom's out there saying "Yah you don't mind NOW, wait til she's 3 and you're SICK of it--- I was a teacher with a classroom full of special ed children-- I remember all too well what its like to have my name called 200 times a day until I was sick of hearing my own name. ) But I don't. I love this baby girl. I love hearing my name. I love knowing that she can count on me to help her. I love knowing that I've got something to offer her: comfort. It makes ME happy that she is happy to spend time with me. It makes ME happy to know that she feels better just by curling her little body up in my lap. It makes me happy just to know that I can be here for her. In fact, I long to be here for her. If she's sad, I hope that I am always here to comfort her and be here for her. I hope that she will always know that I'm here for her.

I think its safe to say that GOD feels the same way. He actually longs to comfort us, longs to be here for us. It makes Him happy to be here for us in our times of trouble. Just like I don't judge the baby or look down on her for needing me, neither does God judge us for needing Him.
Just look at a few of the verses I found on the comfort that God offers:

Isaiah 57:18-19
18 I have seen his ways, but I will heal him;
I will guide him and restore comfort to him,
19 creating praise on the lips of the mourners in Israel.
Peace, peace, to those far and near,"
says the LORD. "And I will heal them."

Isaiah 66:13
As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you.

Isaiah 49:13
Shout for joy, O heavens; rejoice, O earth; burst into song, O mountains! For the LORD comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones.

Isaiah 40:1
Comfort, comfort my people, says your God.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.

Are you going through a hard time right now? How about letting the Comforter comfort you and bring you peace? It not only makes Him happy to help you out and offer you comfort, but he is just waiting for you to ask.

Isn't it such a great deal?

Isn't it such a great deal that we have with God? Here he is the Creator of the Universe, pure and holy who does nothing wrong, the most powerful force of all time and space. Then there's us-- we're nothing but sinners, worth nothing in our own right, who screw things up over and over again, can't save ourselves, can't earn our way to heaven. But because God is so loving and kind, despite the fact that we have shortchanged God over and over again and in spite of the fact we have nothing to offer Him, He offered His Son Jesus as an atonement for our sins anyway. And all we have to do is accept that and ask God to forgive us and say thank you. That's it. Where on earth can you get a deal like that?
Isn't it great that we have a God who loves us so much that He plans only good things for us, and when life does us wrong (as it often will)....God will find a way to make those bad things into good ones? Who else do we know would even bother?
Isn't it just incredible that God will never, ever leave us or forget us? I know I've been left and forgotten by too many people to count. This has been one of my greatest sources of hurt in life. But I find great comfort knowing that God will never, ever do that to me. In fact, God is ALWAYS thinking loving thoughts about me.
Isn't it amazing that we can talk to God any time, day or night, about ANY subject, any problem, and never fear rejection, never have to be embarassed? This is a better deal than any therapist or friend can offer any of us. God is always right there and He is always free. And God remembers that we are but dust. And, because Jesus,God's son, spent time on earth as a man, he knows just how hard it is to be human. He can relate to our struggles.
How incredible is it that we are completely known by God, and still completely accepted by Him? I don't know about you, but its been my experience that most people start to have problems accepting me once they really get to know me. God is strong enough to handle your bad days, your bad hair, your bad mood, your bad cooking, your bad habits, and your stinky feet. Yet he loves you enough to guide you towards change. And all along, He loves you and accepts you and lets you know he cares.

Okay so these are COMPLETELY random thoughts, but that's what happens when I get in the shower and start praying, and then decide, "this might make a good blog post." It sounded much more eloquent last night as a love letter to God in my mind ;)

What are some things that YOU think are a great deal that you get from God that you can't get anywhere else?

Joyce Meyer Here I Come (I hope!)

So Joyce Meyer is coming to San Antonio July 9-11 and I THINK I am going to be able to go... please please PLEASE pray that I get to!!! My boss SAYS that I'm going to have that Friday off (the 10th) which means that I could head to San Antonio after work on Thursday the 9th, and stay til Saturday. I would only miss the Thursday night session. I have been praying that God would make it possible... so I really hope that next Friday STAYS my day off, and I get to go for sure? In faith, I have already gotten my hotel room. However, I am not setting my heart on it this time because I don't want to get my heart broken like with what happened in May when my boss said I would get those days off and I didnt and had to cancel the conference at the last minute. BUT.... I'm really hoping!!! I could really use the time of worship, and I love seeing Joyce speak live. So please pray that I get to go!

Fun Online Games to Play

Since I'm a little worn out to be inspirational right now, I thought I would post some of my favorite online websites that have games you can play- these are new places I've found, and a couple are old.

This one is GREAT-- http://thisissand.com/ Move your mouse around to move the cursor;Play with sand! Press C to bring up different colors and choose a new color; it will add new sand on top of your old so you can make a design. Its pretty cool!

Remember the Lemonade Stand Game from the 80's? My sister and I used to play this all the time: http://www.schooltimegames.com/Mathematics/MP_LemonadeStand.html It helps kids learn math & economics.

Not that I have a lot of time to GO here...but http://bored.com/ has LOTS of great online games. Somewhere there is the fireworks game, which is my FAVORITE.

Then of course there is http://www.wordle.net/ where you can make beautiful word pictures using a large variety of fonts and colors.

That's all I've got today! My brain is fried. I slept in til 1:40 today. YES, I said 1:40. That would be P.M. Just call me slacker! I think, however, I am finally caught up on my sleep from my trip to visit my family :)

I Love Wordle

This is what I made today. Its just pretty, so I thought I'd share ;)

Views from My Vacation

Playing in the Mud

Drawing a UFO landing Pad in my mom and dad's driveway.

My Niece in the World's Bubbliest Bubble Bath!

Fresh Strawberries right off the vine from my Mom's Garden
Kittens Playing on my Suitcase

A Boy and his Pet Toad. Its a Good Thing.

My View from the Hammock by the Barn

I have been completely worn out by a 6 year old and 3 year old the past week. Now I have 3 days to "rest" (such as it is at my house) before I go back to work. Yay!

Warning Labels: Thank Goodness Someone Told me THAT...

Well thank goodness someone wrote these warning labels on products for me. Heaven forbid I should have to think for myself. Now i can stop being so stupid! I found these at http://www.rinkworks.com/said/warnings.shtml
Here are just a few of my favorites:

"For external use only!" -- On a curling iron. (OUCH!~WHO FOUND THAT ONE OUT THE HARD WAY?)
"Warning: This product can burn eyes." -- On a curling iron.
"Do not use in shower." -- On a hair dryer.
"Do not use while sleeping." -- On a hair dryer.
"Do not use while sleeping or unconscious." -- On a hand-held massaging device.

Do you think, REALLY? :
Caution! Contents hot!" -- On a Domino's Pizza box.
"Caution: Hot beverages are hot!" -- On a coffee cup.

"Please store in the cold section of the refrigerator." -- On a bag of fresh grapes in Australia.
(As opposed to the hot section of the fridge?)

"For indoor or outdoor use only." -- On a string of Christmas lights. (Oh!! stop limiting my options, dang it!)
May be harmful if swallowed." -- On a shipment of hammers. (There goes my hammer-swallowing act I was going to start up in my circus act. Darnit.)

"Warning: May cause drowsiness." -- On a bottle of Nytol, a brand of sleeping pills. (oh the irony!)

"In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of flash flood, proceed uphill quickly." -- One of the emergency safety procedures at a summer camp. (Should I scream too?)

"Cleans and refreshes without soap or water. Contains: Water, fragrance & soap." -- On the packet for a moist towelette. LOL


Have we really gotten this stupid? (Please do not answer.)
"Open packet. Eat contents." -- Instructions on a packet of airline peanuts.
"Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat." -- Instructions on the packaging for a muffin at a 7-11.
"Use like regular soap." -- On a bar of Dial soap.

Some of my favorite positive quotes

“Watch your thoughts, for they become words.Watch your words, for they become actions.Watch your actions, for they become habits.Watch your habits, for they become character.Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
Maya Angelou

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”
Dr. Seuss

Say what you mean. Mean what you say. Be who you seem.

Do or do not. There is no 'try'.
Yoda

"You can be pitiful or you can be powerful-but you can't be both."--Joyce Meyer

I gave credit where I knew to give it. If someone knows who the un-credited quotes go to, please feel free to enlighten me. Thanks!

But a kind word cheers him up....

Proverbs 12:25 (New International Version)
An anxious heart weighs a man down,
but a kind word cheers him up.
I have read this wonderful proverb many, many times in my life. As someone who has often had an "anxious heart," I have searched for ways to relax or find comfort in God's word.
Proverbs 12:25 offers a good solution: If you have an anxious heart, you need a kind word to get cheered up.
Many times I have despaired because I've spent a great deal of my life alone. There haven't been many kind people in my life to offer a kind word to me. Or, perhaps there WERE kind people, but more often than not, they were just too busy to stop and be kind to me.

Thus I despaired: how is my anxious heart supposed to get cheered up if there isn't someone else around to offer me a kind word!?

This weekend, something hit me like a lightning bolt:
I can tell them to myself.
I don't have to wait for someone else to have time to be kind to me, to give me a compliment or say something flattering to me, or to lift my heart for me. I'M right here with me all the time. I can make time for me any time that I want! How often have I taken time in the past to berate myself for some silly mistake, or put myself down for how I look in a bathing suit? How often have I called myself stupid?
If I can make the time to give myself an anxious heart, surely I can make the time to cheer my own self up.

So what can I tell myself today to cheer myself up? Even if I have a downer of a day where NOTHING is working out, the baby is crying and won't take her nap, another bill comes in the mail, my chronic pain will not let up, it's raining for the 4th day in a row?
Here are some things that are ALWAYS true, regardless of my circumstances, that always cheer me up:

God has a good plan for my life.
I am the righteousness of God in Christ.
Everything that God starts, He finishes.
I am the apple of God's eye.
God is way bigger than any problem I have.
The God of the universe lives in me.
God is always working in my life to bring about good things, even if I am not smart enough to see it yet. How about that?
God loves me so much that He always wants to bless me.

I feel myself cheering up already.

Keeping Summer Simple

One of the best things I've ever done is learn how to simplify my life. I'm by no means all the way there yet, but I've come a long way. I'm determined to make sure this summer is full of simple joys. One day this week I sat outside with the baby, blowing bubbles and looking at leaves. If we have time, we go for walks in the morning before her nap so we can enjoy the fresh summer air before things get too hot & muggy out. Its so incredibly beautiful outside in the mornings where I live.

One summer a few years ago, I managed to catch a caterpillar in the backyard. He was very tiny, perhaps an inch long, if that. I put a leaf in my hand, and observed him while he munched away at it. It was so quiet that I could hear his tiny mandibles chewing on the leaf, a little tiny crunch crunch. It took at least 45 minutes for him to eat the leaf in my hand, and I fascinated myself wondering what was going on in that little head of his.

Tonight my husband and I had a wonderful date. We sat in the driveway for about an hour and watched a thunderstorm roll in. I kept asking God to show His power by making the lightning bigger and better, and making the thunder louder. God obliged, and I was grateful for the amazing lightning show He put on just for me. Many of the lightning strikes were worthy of applause as they streaked across the sky in an awesome show. It was better than any movie you could see, and lots cheaper. Just some iced tea, my husband and I, and the Creator of the Universe showing off His creativity and power.

I'm looking forward to more simple days this summer. Tomorrow, we're taking two of our water dogs out to my brother-in-law's lake for a swim. There are lots of naps to be had, and dozens of books to be read.

Defeating Perfectionism

Do you ever feel like you have to be the perfect mother, the perfect Christian, the perfect teacher, the perfect wife, the perfect ________ [insert just about any title here]? I definitely do. For a long time I have struggled with perfectionism. With just about ANYTHING I've attempted in my life, I've wanted to do it perfectly-- or not at all. And of course, it was that type of behavior that got me accolades. An A+ in school was great. An A- got an "Why wasn't it an A+? Were you having an off day?" Argh.
When I was teaching, I wanted to be the perfect teacher. I HAD to see those "Exceeds Expectations" on my annual reviews. Those were scored a "Four". If I got a "Three" on anything, I was nearly devastated for many years. Of course, during the years I got all 4's, I was wishing there was such a thing as "Fives-- "Especially exceeds expectations" . Even perfect wasn't good enough for me.
The past year, I have been trying to be the perfect Christian. Somewhere in the Bible there is a verse about "Be ye perfect even as thy Father in Heaven is perfect..." That's a tall order for someone who is such a lowly sinner as myself. Even when I try my best to do something, many times I inevitably fail.
Then I look at the Apostle Paul, who wrote about "Christ lives in me" (Gal. 2:20) and "dying to self" and "killing the flesh". He wrote about "I have learned to be content whether I'm abased or abounded" and learning to live with everything or nothing. (Phil, 4:12).
And I think: THATS how I want to be! Now THERE'S an example of Christianity. What most of us Christians strive for : to be like how Paul wrote in his letters to the Galatians, the Colossians, and the Philippians. But, I almost always fail: its such a tall order, and day after day, as hard as I try and as much as I pray, I only make these teeny, tiny steps.
But you know what I found out?
Even Paul had trouble.
Even he said he did stuff he didn't want to do, as much as he didn't want to do. And that his only hope for help was Jesus.
You know how long Paul had been a Christian before he wrote those statements in his letters? A MINIMUM of 25 years. This man, who had seen Jesus face to face, had been a believer for at least 25 years before he was able to say "It is not I who live, but Christ who lives in me" and "I have learned to live with everything or with nothing." TWENTY FIVE YEARS. And this was a dude who had a face to face encounter with the Christ Jesus.
So I figure, if it took PAUL all those years to come up with this stuff....
do I have to get it all down in one year?
I don't think so.
The only perfect person that has ever lived, after all, was Jesus. The only one out of millions.
So I'm pretty sure its a baby-step thing, this "Becoming a Christian" thing. Or this "becoming anything" thing. If it took a great man like Paul decades, then I think I've got some wiggle-room here.
So if you're trying to be perfect at anything, give yourself some slack.
How about just trying to do one right thing at a time?
How about letting yourself off the hook just a little?
How about doing 1 thing better than you did yesterday? Or making 1 better choice?
For me, I've learned that's enough.
And God loves me anyway... The Bible says that although man may look at outward appearance, The LORD looks at the heart. God knows that my heart is in the right place.
Even if I don't have 100 Bible verses memorized.
Even if some days I forget to brush my teeth.
Even if some days I don't read my Bible.
Even if I am not like Paul.
Even if I am not perfect.

E-mail from God

This went around some years ago, but, it really speaks to me right now, so I had to post it. Okay...so its a little hokey. But, work with me here. You might like it.

Ten Guidelines From God

Effective Immediately, please be aware that there are changes YOU need to make in YOUR life. These changes need to be completed in order that I may fulfill My promises to you to grant you peace, joy and happiness in this life. I apologize for any inconvenience, but after all that I am doing, this seems very little to ask of you. Please, follow these 10 guidelines :


One. QUIT WORRYING:
Life has dealt you a blow and all you do is sit and worry. Have you forgotten that I am here to take all your burdens and carry them for you? Or do you just enjoy fretting over every little thing that comes your way?

Two. PUT IT ON THE LIST:
Something needs done or taken care of. Put it on the list. No, not YOUR list. Put it on MY to-do-list. Let ME be the one to take care of the problem. I can't help you until you turn it over to Me. And although My to-do-list is long, I am after all... God. I can take care of anything you put into My hands. In fact, if the truth were ever really known, I take care of a lot of things for you that you never even realize.


Three. TRUST ME:
Once you've given your burdens to Me, quit trying to take them back. Trust in Me. Have the faith that I will take care of all your needs, your problems and your trials. Problems with the kids? Put them on My list. Problem with finances? Put it on My list. Problems with your emotional roller coaster? For My sake, put it on My list. I want to help you. All you have to do is ask.

Four. LEAVE IT ALONE:
Don't wake up one morning and say, "Well, I'm feeling much stronger now, I think
I can handle it from here." Why do you think you are feeling stronger now? It's simple. You gave Me your burdens and I'm taking care of them. I also renew your strength and cover you in my peace. Don't you know that if I give you these problems back, you will be right back where you started? Leave them with Me and forget about them. Just let Me do my job.

Five. TALK TO ME:
I want you to forget a lot of things. Forget what was making you crazy. Forget the worry and the fretting because you know I'm in control. But there's one thing I pray you never forget. Please, don't forget to talk to Me - OFTEN! I love YOU!
I want to hear your voice. I want you to include Me in on the things going on in your life. I want to hear you talk about your friends and family. Prayer is simply you having a conversation with Me. I want to be your dearest friend.

Six. HAVE FAITH:
I see a lot of things from up here that you can't see from where you are. Have faith in Me that I know what I'm doing. Trust Me; you wouldn't want the view from My eyes. I will continue to care for you, watch over you, and meet your needs. You only have to trust Me. Although I have a much bigger task than you, it seems as if you have so much trouble just doing your simple part. How hard can trust be?

Seven. SHARE:
You were taught to share when you were only two years old. When did you forget?
That rule still applies. Share with those who are less fortunate than you. Share your joy with those who need encouragement. Share your laughter with those who haven't heard any in such a long time. Share your tears with those who have forgotten how to cry. Share your faith with those who have none.

Eight. BE PATIENT:
I managed to fix it so in just one lifetime you could have so many diverse experiences. You grow from a child to an adult, have children, change jobs many times, learn many trades, travel to so many places, meet thousands of people, and experience so much. How can you be so impatient then when it takes Me a little longer than you expect to handle something on My to-do-list? Trust in My timing, for My timing is perfect. Just because I created the entire universe in only six days, everyone thinks I should always rush, rush, rush.

Nine. BE KIND:
Be kind to others, for I love them just as much as I love you. They may not dress like you, or talk like you, or live the same way you do, but I still love you all. Please try to get along, for My sake. I created each of you different in some way. It would be too boring if you were all identical. Please, know I love each of your differences.

Ten. LOVE YOURSELF:
As much as I love you, how can you not love yourself? You were created by me for
one reason only -- to be loved, and to love in return. I am a God of Love. Love Me. Love your neighbors. But also love yourself. It makes My heart ache when I see you so angry with yourself when things go wrong. You are very precious to me.
Sincerely, God

9/11 Tribute

If this doesn't tug at your heart, nothing will.

You Never Let Go by Matt Redman

Some weeks can be so hard. Sometimes God can feel so distant. Sometimes breakthroughs can seem so far away. But you know what? God is always holding on to me. Although there are times when my faith gets weak, some times when I let go of God, HE never lets go of ME..

Where is God when it Hurts?

The baby, who is about to turn 9 months old, is about to reach another development milestone: crawling.

However, she has discovered something more fun. If I hold her hands, she can take steps and walk. Guess what she wants to do all the time? That's right. Forget this crawling thing. Forget laying on the floor to play. Forget sitting. Forget tummy time. She wants to be held all the time, she wants to be walking. All the time. She will walk til she wears herself out. If you lay her on the floor with her bottle, she will lay there and cry, pretending to be helpless, to see if you will pick her up and walk her around. Its her latest trick: I'll lay here helpless until someone picks me up. Then I grab their hands, and HELLO! I'm walking!

But this does not work on me. Aha, I am finally smarter than someone: a 9 month old. She pitches her fit: pick me up! I can't roll over! I can't MOVE unless YOU move me!
I'm onto this one. I let her lay there, knowing that eventually, she'll get tired of her fit, roll over, and work on her crawling again.
Today was fit-throwing day again. Only she up'd it a notch. She added: the dramatic scream.
*ooooohhhhhhhh* ;)
This time, I walked out of the room.
Unbeknownst to Cuddlebug, while she threw her "I'm helpless I need you to pick me up!!!!" fit, I hid behind the door to her bedroom, keeping an eye on her the whole time, making sure she was safe.
And actually, I did want to pick her up. I don't like it when she cries. I fear she will feel abandoned. I fear she will decide I have ceased to exist, and become traumatized. But, I know better: she needs to learn to do things on her own. I know that if I rescue her every time she wants to be picked up, if I roll her over every time she wants to be rolled over, if I sit her up every time she wants to be sat up, she won't learn to do these things independently. If I walk her from room to room all the time, she won't put the effort into crawling. And as much as I want to help her and love on her, I'm not doing her any good by enabling her.
Meanwhile, she cries. She probably thinks I'm mean. Maybe she thinks I don't love her anymore. Maybe she thinks I'm not there anymore. None of these things are true. I love her just as much as ever. And I'm right there-- waiting on her to help herself just a little.
So, I stood behind the door, watching her struggle for a few minutes, thinking "I know you can do this, kiddo!", until she finally decided she was bored with crying, and she
rolled herself over, got herself up on her knees, and then sat up and started playing with the toy that was next to her.
I immediately went in her room and started praising her for being such a strong, independent, big girl. She smiled at me, I think realizing that she had just done something good. Again. Just like I knew she would. And she might have been a bit tear-stained, but she was also a little stronger, and a little more confident in herself to get herself out of a bind.

Do you ever fear that God has abandoned you in your deepest time of need?
I know that I do-- all the time. There are even books written about this-- "Where is God when it hurts?" Just last night, I went through yet another disappointing circumstance that hurt me very deeply and I questioned God again-- where are You? Why don't You fix this? Why are You doing this? Why don't You come down here and HELP ME!?

But I invite you to consider something. What if God is allowing us to go through circumstances that will make ourselves stronger? What if He has not abandoned us-- but only watching us from a little further away, a proud father, whispering from Heaven, "I know you can do this kiddo!"

Scripture talks about how God is omnipotent and omniprescent. He is always everywhere, always watching us, all-knowing. What if He is allowing something to happen and purposely NOT stepping in to rescue me because He knows that letting me go through something tonight will allow me to wake up a little stronger tomorrow?

But... the good news is... at the appointed time, at just the right time... He will come. He will come.

The writer of the Psalms went through something similar:
Psalm 38:9
All my longings lie open before you, O Lord; my sighing is not hidden from you.

Psalm 40:1
I waited patiently for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire,
he set my feet on a rock,
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.

Crank it Up

You know how you're driving along on a nice peaceful (ha ha) highway and then up from behind you comes some crazy teenager who has their music cranked up so loud its like they want to share it with the world? And their bass is booming so loud that you wonder how long until the mirrors break in their car.... you contemplate the cost of their future hearing aide... and then mumble about how back in the day when YOU were a kid, you NEVER would have thought of playing YOUR music that loud?

I confess I'm one of those.

No, not the mumblers.

I'm one of the losing-my-hearing-cracking-the-glass-in-my-car people.

There....now you know.

I'm one of those annoying people who has my music up that loud at 7:30 in the morning who you just want to scream at "Turn it down already!"

The thing is, I've already got the hearing-loss thing going (rampant untreated ear infections from childhood, and way too many "Hey guess what we have seats right next to the speakers at the DC Talk Concert!" days with my sister) and I, in fact, DO want to share my music with the people around me, in hopes it'll catch on.

I confess also that part of the reason my music is up so loud is that so you can't hear me singing along.

But if you did hear me singing (and lets hope not), this is what you would have heard this morning along Loop 12:

How Great is Our God

VERSE(1):The splendor of a King,Clothed in majestyLet all the earth rejoice,All the earth rejoiceHe wraps himself in light,And darkness tries to hide And trembles at his voice,And trembles at his voice

CHORUS(1):How great is our God, sing with me How great is our God,and all will see How great, How great Is our God

VERSE(2):Age to age he standsAnd time is in His Hands Beginning and the End, Beginning and the EndThe Godhead, Three in oneFather, Spirit, SonThe Lion and the Lamb,The Lion and the Lamb

CHORUS(1): How great is our God, sing with meHow great is our God,and all will seeHow great, How greatIs our God

CHORUS(2)Name above all namesYou are Worthy of all praise and My heart will sing how greatIs our God(x2)

CHORUS(1): How great is our God, Sing with meHow great is our God,and all will seeHow great, How greatIs our God



No matter what I struggle with, or how hard life gets, this will always be true.

Good, Clean Jokes

I'm working hard to lift my own spirits today since I'm still having a rough time. Here are some good, clean jokes I thought were funny:

At a southern university, students in the psychology program were attending their first class on emotional extremes.
"Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from Arkansas, "what is the opposite of joy?"
"Sadness," said the student.
"And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma.
"Elation," she said.
"And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "what about the opposite of woe?"
The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be 'giddy up'."

The Doctor's daughter:An acquaintance of mine who is a physician told this story about her then 4-year-old daughter.On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it.
"Be still, my heart," thought my friend, "my daughter wants tofollow in my footsteps!"
Then the child spoke into the instrument:"Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?"

A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
"Mama, look what I found", the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?"
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"

Truths Learned By Children:
No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic-tac.
Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.
School lunches stick to the wall.
You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

Cry Out to Jesus

As someone who is weighted down right now [again] with burdens, losses, loneliness, and pain, and worried that no one can ever make it right... I share with you one of my favorite songs ever in hopes that it will speak to you.



"Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28
Those who sow in tears shall reap in joy and singing. Psalm 126:5
I waited patiently expectantly for the Lord; and He inclined to me and heard my cry." Psalm 40:1

This is the day the Lord Has Made

I absolutely love this time of year where I live. The middle/end of May is the most beautiful time of year. It could partly be because as someone who spent from 1976-2008 in school as a student and teacher I associate the end of May with summer vacation. But its also when we have the MOST incredible weather. Even though I am no longer a teacher or student, this time of year is still bringing up grateful & good feelings for me.
I have a long (one hour) drive to work through city traffic each morning. But I love how the air feels. I love how the air LOOKS. The sun begins to come up: bright, clear. The sun is warm, not too hot when it comes up, a big round ball of yellow that looks like a bouncy ball. There is just that bit of haziness in the air, that isn't too bad yet-- in the heat of summer it will feel heavy, oppressive, and make me feel lazy. But right now it is just right. Its energizing, not....lazy-fying. The air smells good..it doesn't smell like smog or heat, it smells like people mowing their grass, like the wildflowers that line the highways. Its still cool enough in the mornings to roll down my windows and let the morning air in. In another month, it will be too hot to do that. But right now, its just perfect out. One of the things I like to tell God is "I like how you did that" [one of my leftover preschool teacher phrases ;) ] when I see his creations. "God, that's an amazing sky you made this morning." "I like how you did those clouds." "I like how you're so creative." Sometimes it feels like God makes these mid-May mornings just for me.

Peek-a-Boo

The baby and I have started playing endless rounds of Peek-a-boo. Its her latest thing. Peek! Boo. Peek? BOO!!! She will play it with a towel, a blankie, a baby wipe, the newspaper, behind a shoestring--it doesn't matter. If there's something she can put in front of her eyes or over her head, she's all for it.

Which makes me wonder a couple things:

1)How come everyone understands how to play Peekaboo, yet there are no written rules for it? Everyone just KNOWS.

2)Why does it make her laugh so hard? Is it really a surprise to see me peek out from behind a shoestring that I am really NOT hidden behind?

3)Why does it make ME laugh so hard? I already KNOW the surprise ending of peekaboo, having played it for over 35 years, myself.

I've played peekaboo with a LOT of kids in my life. Over a hundred, probably. Always up for a good game. To me its the same idea as hide and seek, but with a faster beat and the happy ending comes much quicker. I leave and come back, leave and come back, but never have to go away, and you find me: here I am! Did you think I went away? Fooled you! Boo! I was here all along!

Have you ever played PeekaBoo with people? Its harder with people than with babies. People don't always appreciate it. You hide, they don't come back. You close your eyes, peek, and they're gone. People are tough. People don't stick around, despite our best efforts. What about with God? Ever play Peekaboo with GOD? Ever do something wrong, and close your eyes in an effort to hide from the Great Almighty? I know I have. I've sinned, and shut my own eyes, hoping He didn't see it (too bad, He did.) Then in shame, I refuse to say Peek! and I fear the thundrous BOO! that I know will be coming from the skies, that huge BOOOOOO! which surely will bring the punishment that I know I deserve. So I continue to hide-- behind a shoelace, a blankie, a greater sin. I try to hide from God, as if He who counts the hairs on my head doesn't know where I am the whole time. But I fear Him.

The good news is, my friends, is that God is not the Great & Almight Oz, who's voice booms out from behind a curtain in a frightening tone like when Dorothy & her friends arrive.

He is instead, our Good Shepherd, our Friend. He wants you back when you hide away. He is always seeking us, his lost sheep. He will not come down with a might BOO! HOW DARE YOU HIDE FROM ME! COME OUT NOW! But instead a gentle Peekaboo! like we do with babies.

Can you see Jesus's face? Our gentle, good-natured, compassionate Jesus who loves you so much that he gave his life for you-- pulling that blankie you have hidden under-- and saying "I see you. Its okay to come out now." He doesn't want you to hide. He is gentle and humble in spirit. He doesn't want you to be fearful of him, just as when we play Peekaboo with babies. We don't start playing Peekaboo with a 6 month old and automatically start screaming "AAGGGHHH!!!!! AAAOOOOOOGAAAA!! " in her face. Jesus doesn't do that either. Imagine him, calling you back from your hiding place.

Open your eyes. Don't hide any longer. The one who loves you wants you to peek .

Honor Code

"Try Living" 8x11 Acrylic on Canvas by Me

One of the hardest things I have to deal with is people who don't realize how much I have changed over the years. People who mean a lot to me but don't give me a chance. People who judge me based on who I was years ago and not who I am today. It makes me so sad and disheartened, you know? Especially after I have worked so hard to change, and worked so hard to let God have His way with my heart & soul. Every day I am a new creation. Hopefully some day, people will give me a chance.



The other day I found an Honor Code for a college which was a great inspiration for me. Although the 10 Commandments are a good start for a code to live by for me, I have taken that Honor Code and adapted it for myself & vowed to use this honor code to live by in addition to the 10 commandments. And even if other people have given up on me, or don't believe me for some reason, at least I know that I have integrity and am doing the best I can. So here it is:

• I will purpose to develop character and Godliness in seeking to become woman of God.


• I will take responsibility for my actions and constantly thrive for truth and honor in my personal life so I may lead others to do the same.


• I will live according to the Bible both morally and ethically to live in an honest and sincere manner.


• I will take responsibility for my actions and will not engage in behavior contrary to Christ.


• I will develop my relationship with God by diligently and passionately seeking Him .


• I will do my utmost to follow the will of God in my life and learn how to listen to His voice.


• I recognize that my body is the temple of the Holy Spirit; I will work to discipline my body and maintain a healthy lifestyle


• I will develop healthy social relationships with others.


• I will serve God to the best of my ablity.


• I will listen to those God has placed in authority (even when its really hard).

Procrastination

So today I finally bought a bag of cotton balls at Target. Cotton balls I have needed for a while, for various needs. Since I have needed cotton balls and haven't had them, I've been crumpling up toilet paper into little balls, using folded up paper towels, and griping about my lack of cotton balls while they were easily available at Target for $1.59. It's just that every time I went to the store, I forgot, or told myself I'd get them next time.
So yah...go on....ASK ME how long I've needed cotton balls but have procrastinated about getting any.
Go on. I dare you...ask. "So how long have you been cottonball-less, you lazy, procrastinating bum? A month? Three months? SIX MONTHS?"
Oh no. Think higher. Think lazier. Think more procrastinate-y.
(If you're a procrastinator, you're probably about to feel a lot better about yourself.)
Okay... so you think I maybe have been too lazy to buy cotton balls for an entire nine months? Try....
.
.
.
Twelve years.
Yes. I did say that. Twelve years.
That's a dang long time to need cotton balls and not have them. Especially when they are right around the corner and it only takes 6 minutes to get to Target, 4 minutes to get to Walmart, and under 3 minutes to get to Walgreens.
So why take so long?
Ah....the mind is a mystery, isn't it folks?

Do you ever wonder if God is procrastinating? Doesn't the Bible say several times that Jesus is coming SOON? "In a little while" and "In a short while" and then "In a very little while". YAH--- um...that was written 2000 years ago. So obviously time is relative to God. When you've got eternity to mess with, I guess 2000 years is a drop in the bucket. There are days when I lift my eyes to the sky and say "Can you please make it TODAY, Jesus? Like, right now?" [usually said when I am about to write out another bill, or pass a gas station that has just raised the price of its product yet again.]
But the good news is, God is NOT procrastinating. He is never late, although sometimes He waits til the last minute.
Read 2 Peter 3:9
The Lord does not delay and is not tardy or slow about what He promises, according to some people’s conception of slowness, but He is long-suffering (extraordinarily patient) toward you, not desiring that any should perish, but that all should turn to repentance.
He's not being slow, not procrastinating. He's WAITING. On us. He's sitting their in Heaven being patient, because He wants as many people as possible to choose His Son, and turn to Him and let them love on them, so that more people can come to Heaven. Jesus isn't sitting at the right hand of God being lazy, He's still up there directing our steps and making sure the world he helped create keeps on spinning. They're calling more and more people to come to heaven. Then in God's perfect timing, which only He knows, He will come. That makes me feel a lot better.

Maybe Jesus could pick me up a new watch battery on the way... I've been putting that off for 3 weeks.

Does God Still Love Me?

Do you ever feel this way? Exhausted, like you've been doing everything wrong (see how the man has a nail in one hand and a mallet in the other... where you think he was going to put that nail?), knees about to buckle under the weight of your sins, eyes stinging so much from lack of sleep that you can't keep them open any longer? Ever want to just give up?

I have felt this way. I felt this way yesterday.

I'd invite you to take a look at who is behind the exhausted man. See how he holds him so tenderly?

The very one we are sinning against.

The Lifter of our Heads.
The Healer of our Broken Hearts.

The One who Forgives.

The One who Loves.

The One who will never leave us or forsake us.

No matter what I have done...no matter what you have done, my friend, Jesus stands there waiting to take you into his loving arms and comfort you if you will just ask him. Whatever you think you've done...whatever your sin, whatever you've done or said or haven't done or haven't said, big or small or inbetween... God still loves you.

John 3:16 For God so loved THE WORLD that He gave His only and only Son, so that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life."

YOU are a "whoever". YOU are part of the world that He gave His son for.

No matter what, God loves you.

Mixed Messages

Some of you who are familiar with me may remember that I taught special education for over 12 years . In my special ed class I frequently used sign language to augment communication with non-verbal children. I also speak Spanish, and am learning Swedish. In my classroom, we mostly spoke Spanglish-- a combination of English and Spanish. Along with the Sign, which I also use with the baby in small amounts. In college, I also learned a little bit of Japanese, and German. My husband speaks some German as well, because he used to live there.

This has created some interesting days in my new job, as I have a variety of languages going through my mind all day.

The baby and I are working on her acquisition of new words because at 8 months old, language seems to finally be "clicking" in her mind. It seems like she's finally getting it-- that the word I say and sign means something.

Here's where it gets tricky: the other day the baby was looking at the overhead lights in the living room and I told her it was "Ein lampara." I MEANT to tell her the word in Swedish. It came out as a combination of German (ein) and Spanish (lampara!) ...and at the same time, I was showing her the sign for "sun"!!! nooooo!!! What a mixed message!!

My husband said I better focus just on one language at a time for a while. *groan*

I am so glad that God's message is not mixed or confused. His message is not confusing.

1. You shall have no other gods before me.
2. Do not make yourselves an idol.
3. Do not misuse the Lord's name.
4. Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy.
5. Honor your father and mother.
6. Do not murder. (jesus said to hate is to murder, btw, so we should not even hate.)
7. Do not commit adultery
8. Do not steal.
9. Do not give false testimony against your neighbor.
10. Do not covet (be jealous).

Those are pretty straight forward. God tells us what to do. He tells us what not to do. And God does not change. They are the 10 COMMANDMENTS-- NOT the 10 "suggestions". God says, I am who I am, I do not change. God's commandments were not just for the old testament, or for 200o years ago...they are for now. They are there for our protection and to give us good lives, and I for one am glad they are there... they help me leave a better life. God is not sending us mixed messages.... and I am so thankful.

Unlike myself, who is not a good communicator, God is the best communicator there is. He has sent us his Word, through prophets and writers , to give us direction for His good pleasure and for edifying & loving us. That's pretty cool. Because He loves us.

And that's not a mixed message at all.

Sacrifice of Praise

Hebrews 13:15 (AMP)
Through Him, therefore, let us constantly and at all times offer up to God a sacrifice of praise, which is the fruit of lips that thankfully acknowledge and confess and glorify His name.

Have you ever noticed that we are commanded to offer up a sacrifice of praise at ALL times? I used to think that praise was for Sunday morning church services. I didn't even really like it then. The singing part wasn't my favorite part of the service. I just wanted to be taught. Nowadays though, I could spend almost all day in worship.
About 15 months ago, during the hardest time of my life, God had a come-to-Jesus-meeting with me about giving a sacrifice of praise. It was to be part of my "way out" of my hard times. The thing is, I didn't WANT to praise. I didn't FEEEEEEL like it. Nothing in my body, heart, or soul felt like praising anything last year. A sacrifice is an offering, and I felt that I had nothing to offer anyone, especially God.
Then I realized I didn't have to feel like it in order to obey God.
I needed to do what God said, whether I felt like it or not. As God reminded me, "Those are the Ten Commandments, not the Ten Suggestions." I needed to obey even on a bad day, whether my heart was broken or not, whether I felt up to it or not. And if God told me to praise, I would praise.
It started simple. I couldn't even think of a way to lift up God's name. I couldn't think of anything that I was thankful for, there for a little while.
And then a song came to me. A little song I used to sing with some young campers:
Oh, the Lord is good to me/
And so I thank the Lord/
for giving me/
the things I need/
the sun and the rain and the apple seed/
The Lord is Good to me.

And that was it. That was my beginning. My beginning of praise, my beginning of thankfulness-- my Johnny Appleseed song from Camp from 20 years ago. Every time I started to wallow in self- pity and heart break, I purposely began to see that song over and over...and over and over. Sometimes with tears running down my face, my voice cracking and my heart pounding with it's ache. Over and over. Oh, the Lord is good to me...
a few weeks later I added
Jesus Loves Me/ This I know/ for the Bible tells me so...
a simple childrens song.
I really believe that I would not be here today if I had not learned to offer up to God a sacrifice of praise. Now the Lord has allowed me to see many things I have to be grateful for. Now God has allowed me to increase in my thankfulness and gratefulness to Him, and has given me even more to be thankful for. I truly believe it is because I started with that one song, in the middle of my heartbreak, empty handed but alive in His hands.

Even the Rocks would Cry Out...

Last night Hubby & I were watching The Chronicles of Narnia again and I got an idea, which quickly developed into a theory that I got excited about. For those of you who have seen it, do you recall the scenes where in Narnia the trees communicated the messages? Leaves & petals would travel on the wind and send messages to each other. Here's where my idea started.

Elephants communicate in a language we people don't yet understand. If an elephant dies, all the elephants in the area know about it, and begin to mourn. How exactly do they know? Who knows?
Same with dolphins & whales. We know they communicate & that they are intelligent & use signals, but as humans, we just don't get it.
I'm sure there are other species as well that do the same thing.

The Bible states that if man did not praise God, even the ROCKS would cry out.
That the Heavens declare the Glory of God.

Here's my theory:
That the sounds of nature, from the wind, the sound of trickling water, the boom of thunder, the crash of ocean waves against the shore, the brush of leaves against the trees, the wind blowing through the air-- all of it, ALL OF IT-- is creation calling out to its Creator. Communicating in a way that we humans just can't understand.
All of it sending messages, maybe to each other, but certainly to the Great Creator, our common Lord God who made it all, in praise and worship to Him.
Think about how soothing the sounds of nature can be. I even have a sound machine in my room that plays nature sounds at night to comfort me as I fall asleep. Who else but God would create sounds that comfort? Why would nature make sounds if it were not for a reason? God has a purpose for everything He does, everything He creates. Why would the ocean make a noise if it were not for a reason? Why would the wind make a sound? Why would leaves make a sound? I can think of no better reason than praising God.

Perhaps when we get to heaven we will be very surprised. Not just at all the colors, not just at all the beautiful scenery, but at all the music and worship that all creation makes, making music and praise to our God. Lets not miss it here on earth, too.

Happiness Is....

a few things that make me REALLY, REALLY Happy:

• Realizing my truest best friend, my labrador, is always right at my feet ;)
• Sharing a piece of toast with my cat..
  
  
  
  • My niece showing off her latest artistic creations while we video chat across the country...
    
    
    
    • My little nephew talking my ear via video chat
      
    A few more...
  
  
  • getting ice cream & (ready for this?) CUPCAKE (yes !! CUPCAKE!!) flavored Magic Shell topping for dessert at Tom Thumb with my husband tonight
    
  • getting text messages from a friend
    
  • having a chance to have a good talk with my pastor yesterday
  
  
  • the realization that God is calling me to a deeper, closer level of relationship with Him than He calls most people (more on that tomorrow)
    
  • yakking on the phone with a friend while I wander around Target looking for summer clothes
  • realizing at long last that I have a strong, healthy body...and I'm not fat (thank you God!)
  • Knowing that I have a new friend, 2 new ones on the way, and 2-4 more friends in the works
  • less than 3 weeks til the Joyce Meyer Conference in Tulsa, yay!!
    
  • going for a hike today with hubby and enjoying the scents and sights of creation in the lovely spring weather. God's creativity rocks.
    
    
    
    

Less Thinking, More Praising

All my life I have been told by people that I think too much. Anyone else have this problem? I'm naturally a worrier, a reasoner, a worrywart, whatever label you want to call it. My mind is always GOING. This bad habit started when I was around 4-5 years old as a curious child, always wanting to know "Why?" "How?" I was a gifted child who was always trying to figure out the way the world worked. However, being the way I just AM, it wasn't long before my brain went from plain curiousity to flat out worrying and obsessive rumination about the world, the world's problems, people, and trying to figure out how I could solve...well... everything.

The past year I have spent a lot of time reading about God, trying to figure out His personality and how He works. Reading about Jesus, and His life. I spend my hour-long commute to/from work listening to awesome Joyce Meyer and Beth Moore Cd's, learning practical to enjoy everyday life with God's help. Same thing when I'm out for walks-my iPod's playing, with podcasts by Joel Osteen, Beth, and Joyce, teaching me. I've been on a quest to think and learn, learn and think, and on. In the past year I've even been known to put my headphones on at night, and play the podcasts at night, to help absorb the word of God at night while I sleep.
I'm desperate to learn more.

Something hit me this week. All this ruminating's starting to get me down. I feel heavy with the weight of all my self-education. Last year God spoke to my heart about resting, about letting Him help me. Last year, 2008, was my learning year. This year I feel is supposed to be my time of resting. But hear I am, still inundating my life with excessive thinking. My thoughts have been down the past couple of weeks. So much to DO. So much to think about, so much for me to just FIGURE OUT! What do I DO with all I'm learning? I'm already trying so hard to do and learn so much! I'm already trying so hard to DO something about everything I have been learning. What else can I DO?

I was just about to put another teaching CD into my player the other day when I felt God say to me, "Less thinking, more praising."

Huh?
There's your solution, I felt God telling me. Your solution to your "doing." Stop thinking so much. Spend time praising Me instead. Lift up My Name, and your thoughts and feelings will be lifted up again.

I popped my teaching CD into my player and tried to forget about it. Surely there's nothing wrong with more learning about God. I must have heard wrong. But by the end of the day, I felt worse. Heavier.

Next morning, I was just about to pop another teaching Cd in. Heard again, "Less thinking, More Praising".

Okay, I thought. Maybe this is God, maybe this is what I need to do. I popped in my favorite worship CD-- Michael W. Smith's A New Hallelujah. Pushed the bass up really high, turned up the volume so Michael would be louder than my pitiful singing voice, started out down I-20, and rocked out.

Wouldn't you know that was just what I needed? I spent an hour, and then 2 or 3 more hours that day, worshipping God with incredible praise music. I spent hours lifting up God's name. I felt better (and still do) than I have in a long time. The only thing I thought about was all the good thing that my Yahweh has given me. The only thoughts in my brain were blessings I have been bestowed. My mood has been lifted for days.

Less thinking, more praising. Definitely God's prescription for a sound mind.

He Restoreth My Soul

Psalm 23:
The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

This is one of the most famous Psalms quoted, ever. Yesterday I realized that God is making this come true in my life, and out of praise to my Yahweh, I want to tell you about it.
First, a little background:
For most of my life, "stuff" going on. The details aren't really necessary, but suffice it to say, since I started to kindergarten, I've never really had peace. A lot of rough things have happened over the years; life has always been a challenge ever since I was a kid. As an adult, I had a calling on my life to take care of children, and I became a special education teacher. During the 12 years I taught, I had an interesting mix of bosses, who often turned their heads away when I needed help in my classroom. Often the children in my class had severe behavior problems. I was often hit, sworn at, had large objects thrown at me; sometimes I spent hours restraining a violent child who was my size. One time a child hit me in the head so hard I blacked out. I've been kicked in the stomach and chest a few times, had my wrist, knee, and arm broken. Add to that never-ending paperwork, meetings, and grouchy parents. Not to say there were not rewards: I LOVED these children. Loved them like they were my own. It was just a very challenging job.

Enter present day: After literally begging God to give me a new life, I now work as a nanny for a 7 month old girl who is as precious as can be. I LOVE her, love her family. I'm treated like family. They are wealthy, and have a huge beautiful home and yard. Where I once spent my time chasing a classroom full of 4 year old autistic children, I now spend my days reading stories, going for walks, and playing in the garden with a beautiful baby girl who also takes 3 hour naps. I'd do anything for this little girl. I LOVE my job so much. ;)

Yesterday, playing in the English garden with my sweet girl, I realized something: God is using this job, this place, this time, to restore my soul. Time stood still for a moment yesterday as the baby explored some flower petals in her hand. The sun was shining warmly through the trees. A lovely sound of water trickling in the pool behind us was pleasant to my ears. We had all day to sit there if we wanted. The baby was perfectly content to sit and explore all day. I looked around and saw dozens of different flowers, trees; the handmade swingset; vines twisting every which way. There I was, in green pastures, beside still waters. My mind, although it has often been down this week and in torment, was at that moment, still, thinking about the goodness of our Lord & Savior, and how beautiful His creation is, how creative He is. So different from a year ago. He has brought me graciously to this place. A place where my mind and soul can be restored, and it so very much needs it. I am so grateful.

4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

Do You Ever Feel Lost?

Do you ever feel that you are just wandering this earth, lost and alone? Do you ever feel that your cries are not heard? Or that your prayers are hitting the ceiling, but going nowhere else? Ever feel that you're suffering in silence, and no one else on earth knows what you're going through?
I feel that way sometimes. Often, actually.
Sometimes I wonder especially if the prayers I've been praying for years on end have gone in one of God's ears and out the other. When I haven't heard a word from Him in a while, I wonder if He has forgotten me. When I feel forgotten by people, I wonder if the Lord of Creation has forgotten me as well. When I can't trust people, when they break their promises, it makes me wonder how trustworthy my Yahweh is.
And then I just feel more lost, and more alone. Here I am on this planet, unseen.

But here is the good news.

1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

God is always watching me. He knows my every move, my every thought. Even when I am in the depths of despair, when I am feeling so bad I feel like crawling under a rock, The Lord knows.

17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!

God is always thinking about me. He thinks about me ALL the time- and even better, He is always thinking GOOD thoughts about me. He's not sitting there thinking, "What's the next rotten thing I can do to screw up her life? How can I give her a hard time?" He's thinking, "How can I help her become more like my Son? How can I bless her?"

No matter how lost and alone I may feel, my Yahweh knows where I am. No matter how forgotten I feel, my Yahweh is always thinking about me.

I am not lost. He knows where I am.

I once was lost, but now am found.

Tummy Time

The baby is 7 months old. We're at that stage where she's learning to roll over, figuring out the word "up" means to lift her arms so I can pick her up, babbling all day long. She looks when I call her name. Loves to be read to. Giggles when she sees herself in the mirror.
And that all important Tummy Time.
She hates Tummy Time.
This is a happy child.
Her grandparents have said they have never seen a happier baby in their lives.
But they don't know about Tummy Time.
This girl can go from happy, giggley baby to a sobbing fit in 2 seconds flat when Tummy Time is involved. Flip her over to her tummy, and she dissolves into tears.
Mind you, there's nothing wrong with her tummy. Nothing wrong with her back. She just prefers to lay on her back or sit up where she can see everything going on. Being on her tummy limits her vision. Her nosiness. She likes to know what's going on all the time. And right now.
But Tummy Time is important. Studies show that babies who have more tummy time develop better fine motor skills. And since I want her to excel, back on her tummy she goes.
We try to make it go faster. I sing, I read her stories, we play musical instruments, I roll around in front of her and show her how much F!U!N! it is to be on your tummy.
She's improved. Six months ago she couldn't take tummy time for more than a minute. Nowadays she can last for 20. I'll take that.
This morning the baby started to whimper and push her lip out after 5 minutes. "Come on!" I said. "You can do it!" Happy face. Big, happy face. "You are strong and confident! You're a big girl! You can do this!"
Pout. The tears started.
I still pushed. Sang The Wheels on the Bus. Meanwhile, she started the tears. She wouldn't understand if I tried to explain about how this time she hates is developing her muscles. How its going to make her stronger, how I'm going to only have her do this for a certain amount of time and then there will be an end to it. How she NEEDS this.
All she knows is that she's miserable, it's lasting forever, and it hurts.
Then came the CRY. The I've-really-had-enough-now-I-MEAN-it! cry.
My heart melted and I stopped cheering for her, and picked her up. "I don't want to torture you, baby. I just want to stretch you and let you see that you're stronger than you think you are."
I picked her up and comforted her. Gave her lots of kisses, rewarded her with lots of praises. Such a big girl! Look how good you did! Look how long you lasted! That was so hard wasn't it? But you did it! Then we went to play with some of her special toys that she especially loves as a reward.

That's when it hit me: this is what God does.
Times of trial. They always come. Some of them longer than others. And we cry. It hurts. We don't know why it's happening, quite often. We want it to stop, but often it doesn't.
But if God tried to explain to us what he was doing, would we understand? Are his words too lofty for me to understand, just as my adult words are too hard for a 7 month old to understand? I could try to explain to the baby all I wanted, but all she would hear would be hblah aiouan ahikhj abjkah blah.
Wouldn't it be the same?
But maybe God has a plan in our pain. Maybe he is stretching us too. Allowing us to go through our own Tummy Times to stretch our muscles, stretch our faith, because he has a bigger purpose. He doesn't want to torture us, he just wants us to grow, and find out that we are stronger than we think we are. Then when our time of trial is over--at the time he plans for it to be over-- he will reward us. Just as I rewarded the baby with comfort and praise and special toys, the Lord will also rewards us for completing our trial. For standing strong. For completing the hard work he had us do.
I have the baby do Tummy Time because I know its good for her. If I just let her lay around on her back all the time, she'd stay there all her life. Never learn to sit up. Never learn to stand up. Never come up higher. Never see what the whole world has to offer.
Neither would we.
Right now, I'm in my own Tummy Time. Its something that I don't like. Been going through for a long time, in fact. But I too have felt my own muscles growing strong. My faith muscles. My strength in the Lord.
What about you? Are you in your own Tummy Time? How are your muscles doing?

Things God Can't Do

You know how people say (even me) that God can do anything? That God can do EVERYTHING?
I realized today that He can't.
God cannot do everything. Sorry, but, here are a few things the Almighty God is just not capable of doing.

He cannot lie.
He cannot fail.
He cannot end.
He cannot make mistakes.
He cannot be defeated.
He cannot leave you helpless.
He cannot leave your side.
He cannot give up on you.
He cannot give up hope.
He cannot stop loving you.

A Happy Easter!

^^That's me, above, enjoying the warm spring sun while relaxing (yah, you know me--for about 5 seconds) in the beautiful bluebonnets.^^

It was a wonderful Easter. I was awakened by a powerful thunderstorm yesterday morning. You know how in the Bible, sometimes God spoke to someone (like Jesus) but everyone else heard thunder? I'm thinking that's what the thunder was about yesterday morning. Maybe God was speaking to the world. "This is the day I have raised my Son from the grave! Get up and CELEBRATE, PEOPLE!" The Sun came out later on, and i played outside with my dogs with some new bubbles (that I got in my Easter basket...yes I get an Easter basket at 36 years old...) and we had a good time. Watched the Sound of Music and Mary Poppins, all that.

Very powerful and loud, fabulous church service yesterday morning too.

I must vent a moment. Something that disturbs me to no end, and also makes me so sad. People are so LOST. They don't even know it. It makes my heart hurt. Not just for them, but for God. There is a popular artist who has her own website. She has many followers. This girl has declared herself a "Goddess" and has declared that since there are 6 billion people on earth that there are 6 billion paths to God. She has decided that parts of the Easter story shouldn't pertain to her. She has even taken beliefs from all sorts of religion, and started her own self-religion. And of course, all her followers just eat that right up. That all want to be Goddesses, too. They all want to make their own paths to God, too.

One problem with that. Big problem. The Bible, God's own word, declares there is ONE path. ONE. UNO. One path-- not 2, not 100, and certainly not 6 billion. One path-- Jesus. Not buddha. Not mysteries gods. Not people. Not you. Not me.

Jesus, God's one and ONLY son.

Now, I'm not going to start any arguments about the validity of the Bible-- I'm sure by now you realize that I believe the Bible is literal and true, although if anyone wants, I can certainly post a bunch of stuff validating that fact. I can also post lots of stuff validating the fact that Jesus was a REAL person, Jesus certainly DID die for real, and the tomb was closely guarded, and yes he truly was raised from the dead.

It makes me sad. People cheapen what Jesus did, by rejecting what he did. Ignoring it. Saying it didn't happen. Saying it isn't for them. Jesus went through hell. He went through something no one should ever have to, out of love. Not because he had to-- because he chose to. Because that was the only way to make things right. Because God loved us so much that he wanted to have a relationship with people again, and this was the only way.

But people throw it away.

That makes me hurt for Jesus.

You know what's just as bad? For the 1st 17 years of my life, I threw it away too.

I rejected him. I hurt his feelings. My logical mind, which only wanted to hear "scientific facts" (and hadn't yet read books like The Case for Christ, and those wonderful Josh McDowell books) also rejected Jesus and His love and the Creator. I had decided to only believe what I could see (so I thought) and touch (never mind that all of creation is evidence of God.)

This Easter, I am grateful.

That my eyes too, have been opened. That my ears too, can now hear.

That my heart too, has joy. That the grace of God allowed me to believe.

Do you?

Happy Easter, everyone.

What's so good about Good Friday?

This morning when I woke up my 1st thought was, "Today is a sad day" when I realized that this is the day that Jesus died. My 1st thoughts were about his suffering. The hours of torture that he went through. How he was beat nearly to death by vicious and hateful roman soldiers, which makes me ill just thinking of it. His feelings of abandonment. He was an innocent man with a kind heart, a man filled with compassion who went about doing good, loving people who didn't deserve it, healing people, taking care of people, and preaching good news. For that, he was killed.
And even today, millions of people hear this news and reject him--even openly mock him, tell jokes about him, and make fun of Christians.
What is so good about all that?
Romans 5:6-8
“You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
This is what's good, I think.
Jesus did this for me. For you.
Jesus went through Friday knowing he had a purpose: to save us. Knowing that taking the punishment for us was the only way to free those he loved. He had a plan. It was a tough one. A very big price to pay: his life. But it was the only way. And he loved us so much that he was willing to do it. Do you know anyone else that would love you so much that he would be willing to pay such a price? I have a hard time some days being nice to people I LIKE. Can you imagine dying for people that DESPISE you? Dying for people that are the very ones beating you? Man, that's love. That's goodness. Jesus also knew that if he could just get through Friday, Sunday was coming.
Good Friday is always a quiet, contemplative day for me. This year moreso than others. I am in our Good Friday play at church. Hopefully it will be a big blessing to everyone who comes. Good Friday always seems like a dark day. A day of suffering, painfulness. Has your life every felt like it was made up of a bunch of Good Fridays? Mine has. But even in the darkness, there is still goodness there. Because God has a plan, just like Jesus did. And Sunday is coming.

Bluebonnets Everywhere!!

The Bluebonnets are EVERYWHERE right now!

I have a long drive to work every day but I'm blessed that half of my drive is along a highway that has bluebonnets growing along both sides of it. They are one of my favorite flowers. If you've never seen one, you're really missing out. Right now they are about 5-6 inches tall, blue to purple in color, and they smell SO sweet. Many people around here pull off the side of the road and take pictures of their children in white clothing amid these amazing flowers.

So of course, we had to take pictures of our dogs out in the bluebonnets while we were out hiking at the nature center the other day. For a little while I laid down in them just to breathe in their sweet scent.

The bluebonnets bloom for such a short time around here. The all come at once, then they're gone. I wish they would last all year long, because they're just so pretty. But then I suppose, if we had them all the time, to look at any time we liked, they wouldn't be so precious, now would they?

Rabbit Rescue

We have had quite an exciting weekend around here.
A mama bunny had her babies in our backyard. Our dog-filled backyard, I might add. We 1st discovered this on Friday when our Newfoundland tried bringing one of the babies into the house. Yikes! My husband found the nest and tried to cover it back up, and put wire fencing around it to protect it from the dogs. Curious as they are though, they just wouldn't leave the nest alone.
Then a 5 foot long bull snake decided HE wanted to explore the nest. On Friday evening our labrador started barking like crazy-- we ran out there to find him between the snake and the nest. Our lab is now a Hero :) He protected the babies. On Saturday we nearly buried one of the babies, before figuring out it was still lightly breathing. The mama did not return. Thankfully, and by what I am SURE is a miracle, we hunted down a rabbit rescue operation just a couple of hours from our house after church today. It was a miracle. I had been praying a lot for the babies. They are now in good, protective hands of some women who will feed the bunnies, take care of them, and rehabilitate them back to the wild when they are big enough.

Nothing is too big or too small for God to take care of. He is able to command the ocean waves to beat against the shore, and to make the heart beat in these 3 inch long baby bunnies. They are so incredibly SMALL. Their little ears were only about 1/2 an inch long, and SO soft. We put them in a nice box with a t-shirt and warm washcloth and the hair from their nest (we covered them up after we took the picture) and toted them off to the rescue place.
Aren't they miraculous? So tiny, yet God loves them even more than I do.

Rest

All of my life I have fought the mere thought of resting.
Even when I was little I refused to take naps. I would play until I was completely exhausted. Sometimes I would lay down for a nap with my mom if she was lucky. But I felt like I always had to be "up" and "moving" because my mind was always busy. I always had to be ON, always afraid I was going to miss something if I fell asleep. I never wanted to rest.
All my life I've felt like I had to be busy. Doing something. Moving around, at least. And if I allowed myself to sit still, I had to be doing 2 or 3 things while I sat. Such as watching tv and reading a book. Working on the computer doing research on something and listening to the radio. Writing a book and petting the dog with my foot. Doing my Bible Study and watching a movie and talking to someone on the phone. I've always made a great multi-tasker.
But rest? No way!
There was a time when I literally made myself sick with all my busy-ness. There was a time when I was ordered by the doctor to rest. I didn't listen very well, but eventually I did get better.
Then last year, GOD told me to rest.
Not just rest my body, but to rest my mind, my soul, and my emotions as well. I heard it very distinctly one day as I, stressed out, cried out to God in the midst of all my problems and fears, "WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT ALL THIS!?!"
And He said, "Let ME do it."
Later in my prayers, He told me again, "Be still."
The best I can say about last year is that I tried.
My walk with God began to be renewed. I started TRYING to lean on Him. I started TRYING to trust Him. I started TRYING to believe He really loved me. I started TRYING to believe the Bible better than I had before.

But it isn't until this week--THIS WEEK--over a year later--that I think I can say I GET IT. The resting in God thing. I think I'm actually doing it.

I have begun to let things go. I have started to say goodbye to my past. Really, literally say Goodbye. I have started to take naps, even if it isn't a Saturday after everything around the house is done. I believe, finally, that God is taking care of me and the problems going on in my life. I know He has a plan. I know He loves me and accepts me. I know that if I'm asleep, its okay, because God is watching over me. I don't have to stay awake and stay busy all the time to make sure I don't miss something because God is the one who is always on, always omniscient and omnipresent, and HE is watching everything. My burden is getting lighter. What was it that Jesus said? To follow Him because his burden is easy and light? I am starting to see now why he said that.

Follow Jesus, people. Things are just better that way.

Good News

Good News!! It has worked out that I get to have the 2 days off I need to go volunteer at the Tulsa Joyce Meyer Conference in May! I am really excited. I got an e-mail back from the Joyce Meyer Ministries people letting me know that I can volunteer. It will be such an interesting experience, I'm sure. Hopefully I can be a blessing to a lot of people.

Also, on Good Friday I'm going to be in a play at my church. It has been a long while, since college, that I've been onstage. My last play I was in was The Miracle Worker at the community theatre. Long time ago! I'm really looking forward to it. As long as I can survive the play practices, which look like they're going to be tough because we only have 1, plus the dress rehearsal, before Good Friday. But this is something I really wanted to do, and God made it happen.

There is more to talk about but it will need to wait til tomorrow.

It's Tough Being a Woman

This week at church we finished doing Beth Moore's ESTHER Bible study. The subtitle of Esther is this: It's Tough Being a Woman. I think that I loved this particular Bible study more than any other I've ever done. I just adore Beth Moore, and she was so funny in this study that at times I wondered if she'd lost her mind (in the cutest way, of course!) And I loved reading the story of Esther, which I'd never heard before. A beautiful queen who saves her people, risking her life by revealing her identity, saving the Jews from the evil Haman, a man who plots against Mordecai and ends up getting a taste of his own medicine. A story about turn-arounds and God coming in to rescue the weak and the needy at just the right time. A story about an orphan girl who came into her own power. Love that.

I've never yet considered myself a woman. Although 40 is on the horizon, the title of "woman" doesn't yet fit me. Being short, shaped like a 12 year old adolescent boy, and having the voice of an 11 year old, "girl" still fits me.When I was still teaching in an elementary school, substitutes often tried to get me to line up with their class. At best, people refer to me as a "nice young lady". I'll take that! But I don't know that its tough just being a woman. I think its tough being a human being, period.

How many of you who read this blog think its tough being a woman? I wish that more of you would post replies to my entries. I want to know more about you. I know there are at least a dozen of you who read, and many more who pop in, from all over the world. I want to know, what is the toughest thing about being a woman in your part of the world? What is the toughest thing about being you? What is it that you need? What would make your life easier? A best friend? A new car? A husband who knew how to do dishes? A new heart?

Because they are just SO cute...

I am still down and had a long day at work, so I thought I would post something uplifting: my dogs. Our dog-sitter took these today, and they are just so precious I can hardly stand it.

As you can see, our dogs are well-taken care of, completely spoiled (we even have someone hired to come PLAY with them when we're not at home... they have a good life, let me tell you!) These doggies have good self-esteem. I wish I could spend every minute of the day with them. I'm sure the feeling is mutual.

Needing Prayer

If you are one of the dozen or so people who regularly reads my blog, would you please pray for me and my family?
Ever since I got baptized a few weeks ago, it is like my mind, heart, and my family are under attack. I am pretty sure that we ARE and that I'm not making this up. Since the day I got baptized, things have been going to bad to worse every day.
My sister and her husband had to declare bankruptcy. On the day they went to court and found out they could lose their property, they also found out that her husband is being sued by his former employer, who is trying to get him to stop working for his new boss. Then her 3 newborn kittens died. My mom and dad are having to declare bankruptcy and may lose their property as well, because they have a greedy and unjust banker on their back. They are both long and complicated stories, but that's the jist of it. The thing is, my family hasn't done anything WRONG. They are all good people.
I'm so stressed out that its making me sick. I'm so worried about them, and I feel helpless. I'm sleeping a lot but still exhausted, and having trouble eating because I get stomach aches. Then there are just little things going on, little disappointments going on, that keep coming up. Like finding out I can't get the day off work to go volunteer at the Joyce Meyer Conference in Tulsa in May. Like my car breaking down and using my savings to fix it. Like the baby crying for 2 hours straight. There's a host of other things going on too, but i'll leave it at that.
Could you just pray?
I know that the Bible says that God tests us to build our character. Which is all well and good. But I sure wish that I could get through this wilderness soon. I don't want to be like the Israelites and spend FORTY years making an 11 day journey to the promised land. I've been going around this mountain long enough already, thanks. Its been about 25 years for me now-- seriously. I'm ready to have it over. So God can have my deliverance come any day now. It feels like time is moving so slowly lately. And I'm trying so hard to learn what I'm supposed to learn so I can get out of this wilderness time of my life.
Please pray that God will help my family out. And that God will strengthen me and help me out here too.

The Needs God Meets

Last night I was in the 1st row at a private Michael W. Smith concert. It was mostly praise & worship music-- my favorite thing to do. I can't think of anything, next to sleeping, that I enjoy more lately, than good worship.
I've been a fan of MWS since about 1987. Been to a bunch of his concerts. This is the closest I've been, although I've ached to get in the 1st row for years. It was a long wait, but worth it. Last night I got to be just a few feet away from all the action for more than 2 hours. The music was mostly from his newest album, A New Hallelujah. It felt like God was taking time to just listen to me sing to Him. Soaking up my praise and love to Him, and appreciating my hands being lifted high in honor to our God.

On the way home by the way, my car broke down. Thankfully, I had just gotten out of the city. I was determined to not let the devil steal my joy from leaving the concert. And doubley- thankful, getting my car fixed today cost about 1/4 what I was imagining it would, and the mechanics kept it only a few hours instead of a few days. I think the blessings from the concert carried over to my automobile last night.

While I was sitting up front (did I mention Mr. Hottie was only about 10 feet away?) it occurred to me that just about a month ago I mentioned to my husband how I wished Michael W. Smith would come to our area and do another worship concert. I needed one, and he wasn't going to be in our area until August--and even then, it wasn't going to be worship. But I NEEDED worship time with God. Not just the private worship I have with God, with my iPod or my car stereo, but corporate worship, together with the body of Christ, and hopefully a few guitars and drums. And even better, Michael W Smith up front.

Its funny what needs God will meet. Even last month when I felt that need for a worship concert coming up in me, God (and the people at W____ Church) were already planning a concert that I didn't know about until this Tuesday.
There are all sorts of things that I think I need. Stuff I think will make me happy. More things. Having certain people in my life. More money. A new car. Some new clothes. A raise. Weather that is endlessly 82 degrees and sunny.
Will God provide those things? Maybe. Maybe some of them, maybe all of them, in his timing. He wants His children to have good things. God is good and He is love, and he loves to pour out a blessing.
But God knows what I TRULY need. Time with Him is something I think we can count on Him providing when we seek Him. And that was something I was really needing--and God was happy to provide. Even wrapped in the blessing of a front row seat at the concert of my favorite singer which I've been waiting for since 1987.

Volunteering at the Joyce Meyer Conference

I'm so excited. I just opened a letter late last night from Joyce Meyer Ministries asking me to be a volunteer usher at their Tulsa, Oklahome Conference in May. It is a real honor to even be asked. I'm going to see if I can get the days off work that I need to be there (Thursday and Friday.) I just love going to her conferences and it would be such a blessing to me to be able to be a blessing to other people there. I could be an usher and show people to their seats, help with the offering, and have an impact on people. I'd be able to smile at lots of people and say that I hope they have a nice time. That would be cool. Even if my assigned spot was way up in the nosebleed seats, I would not care, at least I would be there and be helping and that would mean a lot to me.

Be Still and Know that I am God

Earier I posted about how I was waiting on God. About waiting expectently for Him to show up.
But I am often running around like a chicken with my head cut off in my daily life. The laundry needs done, the baby needs a bottle, the dogs need let in and out 14 times, I am reading 3 books at the same time and doing a Bible study, I'm checking my e-mail to see if someone might actually write to me, another load of laundry goes in. Even when I do sit down, I'm popping up literally every 5 minutes. My mind is always racing. I have idea after idea, projects I start but have so much on my mind its hard to follow through with everything. .

God is probably trying to send blessings down from Heaven to chase me down all the time, but I'm never sitting still long enough for them to catch me. (Note to self: mention medication to my doctor tomorrow morning!)

Even last summer when I was in the midst of a tormented afternoon, begging God for help with a particularly heart-wrenching situation I've been in for over a year, I asked Him "WHAT do you want me to DO about all this?" His answer: Let Me do it.
But do I ? No, I'm too busy running around trying to do everything and be God Junior. Which by the way, I'm lousy at.

So last night I was determined to be still. God is always, always reminding me to just BE STILL.
Keep in mind, I was not made to be still. Even when I'm exhausted or sick, I am just.not.still.

But last night I was determined to be still, and allow God to catch up with me. I needed to just BE, and allow Him to pour some love down on me. I even had planned out what I was going to say: Here I am God. Just me. I'm not going to DO anything. I'm just going to lay here, and let you pay some attention to me, this little person that you made that you say is good, and let you comfort me with your love because I NEED it. Okay. Thanks.

For a while I put it off. A couple hours, actually. You know why? I was afraid that God would not show up. I was afraid He would be too busy. I was afraid I had messed up too much yesterday. I was afraid for a moment even that God isn't really real, so what was the sense in setting myself up. I was afraid that God would disappoint me like people disappoint me. I was afraid that God would do this for other people, but not me. Let me tell you, if there is someone God could skip over, it would be me. Of all the sinners and low people in the world, I am one of the sinny-est and lowest. (So you totally know that I could go into the fact that God loves us ALL no matter how much we have screwed up, God IS really real, God is not a man that He should lie, God is NOT like people are, that what God will do for one person He can do for every person even me, right?) So I put it off until bedtime.

I climbed in bed and took a chance. During my prayer time, I thanked God for verses like these: Psalm 147:11the LORD delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love . Psalm 22:5They cried to you and were saved; in you they trusted and were not disappointed. Told Him thank you for all my daily little things I'm grateful for.

A minute later, I was asleep.
This morning I woke up thinking...man...well, so much for that.
Then this verse from Zepheniah came to my heart: he will quiet you with his love.
And I realized something: God did show up last night.
While I was praying last night, I fell asleep awfully fast. Normally, I lay there full of anxiety, tossing and turning. Last night, while talking to God about needing Him to show up, I was asleep in a minute flat. God quickly calmed my mind. And then I realized another thing. My husband had come into the room at some point last night and prayed over me. God used my husband to comfort me as well.

When I finally took the time to just BE STILL, and obey what God has been telling me to do, GOD SHOWED UP. He showed up last night as Love and quietness and stilled my mind, when I actually took the chance on being still. Hm.

Lesson learned.

Somebody call the Waaambulance

Beware, I'm fixing to have a pity party for a minute. But if you'll hang here with me for a moment, I promise it'll get better at the end.

For some reason, ever since I got baptized 2 Sundays ago, I have been having a REALLY hard time. Nothing on the outside going wrong-- life is FINE--my circumstances are GOOD. Its in my head and my heart where things have continued to be a train wreck. I have felt like I've been getting as attacked as I did last Spring, after I lost a couple of people who were very very dear to me and my heart was broken and trompled on. The past week I have been dealing with nightmares every night, rejection, hopelessness, self-pity, you name it.
I've been doing everything that I normally do. Bible Study. Prayer. Sunday School & Church. Talking to God. Listening to my CDs. Trying to encourage myself, like David and Paul did. Being honest with God-- since He knows my heart anyway. All these things that normally work. For some reason though, it isn't cutting it. Instead of having energy and looking forward to the day, I've wanted to just pull up the covers and go back to sleep.
So what is UP with my mood? (*note to self* I will not bow down to my feelings!!) Argh!!
Beware, here's where the pity party really gets going for a second (I hope you brought punch and cookies):

I want a BREAK from being me. This whole New Creation thing really needs to get a move on. I don't want to be me anymore. This process is going too slow. I want to get away. I'm tired of always trying so hard to do the right thing, but basically getting ignored by everyone. I'm tired of seeing people I know do the wrong things year after year but get rewarded with attention and pity and having others fawn over them, wanting to help. Yet here I struggle year after year too, only I have no one even when I ask for help (see, I told you it was a pity party!) I get a bit tired of always being the one who reaches out to others and offers support encouragement to dozens of people, but its rare that I get anything back. I can't even get my own family to call me back. (Argh... is this what I have this ministry for though? To get things back from people? No...so I need to hush up.) But still, it would be NICE...sometimes... to be invited places. To have someone to talk to that wants to get to know ME. To have someone be there to support me, and not want my advice or help. Just want ME.
It is hard to love people so much, and want people so much, and to feel unwanted all the time.

OKAY, I put it out there. I feel unwanted by everyone. That's my basic problem. I feel unwanted, forgotten about, rejected, and unappreciated. I feel like a big nobody.

Rant and pity party over. Hoooray! (I hope you enjoyed your cookies.)
The fact IS:
God does not forget me. He has me engraved on the palm of His hand.
He has my name written in his book of Life.
God made me. Even the hairs on my head are numbered by him.
God knows every word I'm ever going to say, even before I speak it. Before God made the universe, He knew me and every thing I would ever say or do. Even the silly, rambing stuff. He even knew that I would be a clutz and have ADD, and be forever bumping my head into the roof of my car, and losing my stuff. But He made me anyway.
God knew that people would treat me wrong. He knew that people would be unfair to me. God wrote me messages in the Bible that He, and He alone, would be my Vindicator. God knew that I would feel alone and lost. So God wrote me messages in the Bible that He would be my Shepherd, to lead and guide me. God knew that I would rarely, if ever, have people in my life to comfort me, even though it is something that I long for. So God wrote me a message in His Word that he longed to "comfort, comfort my people." God made me for a reason, with a purpose. So yah, I haven't figured out yet what my purpose is. But maybe some day. And God will never reject me. God will never tell me a lie-- He is not like men (or women.) God is Love, and God is Good-- all the time. He will not, cannot take His love away, because its who He IS. When something is who you is, you can't take it away, because its part of your character. God knew that people would lie to me, so he wrote messages in the Bible about He is the Truth. He is someone I can always trust.

It is these truths that I need to remember when I am tempted to feel sorry for myself. God will not forget me. God wants to bless me and honor me. God has a place for me. God will someday give me double for the trouble I went through in my life. Some day God will lift me up. Even though I have always been last among people, some day God will put me first. I just have to keep my eyes on God, and not on myself. My eyes on God, and not on other people. My eyes on God, and not on my circumstances. My eyes on God, and not on the way I've been treated. My eyes on God, and not on my own thoughts or feelings. My eyes on God, and not on the world. My eyes on God, and not on my whiney inner voice. My eyes on God, and not on pity parties. My eyes on God, and not on anything else. My eyes on God. My eyes on God. My eyes on God. My eyes on God.

God's Favor

One of the things that Joel Osteen is always talking about is God's favor on our lives as His children. It's one of my confessions that I say out loud also that I learned from Joyce Meyer: God gives me favor everywhere I go. I have favor with God and with man. I love everyone and everyone loves me (well, I'm still waiting on everyone to realize that one.) ;-)

God takes care of His people. It probably happens more often than I realize, but God does give me favor. He helps me get to work on time every day, even though I drive through rush hour traffic in one of the biggest cities in the U.S. every morning and every afternoon. He keeps me safe. Just a couple weeks ago, I put a bunch of books and DVDs up for sale on Amazon. In a matter of merely days, 90% of them sold and I made enough money to go to the doctor. At the eye doctor a few weeks ago, the doctor, knowing I had little money and no insurance coverage the emergency appointment, made a deal for my payment, and it cut my bill in half. He didn't have to do that. In the past week I have won 2 Joyce Meyer CD sets on Ebay that I really wanted. God's favor could get me the raise that I need (and hopefully deserve) at work one of these days, so I can afford to pay my bills more easily. God's favor could cause someone to want to buy our house, even fall in love with our cute little brick house from the street and wonder if its for sale, and come offer us money. God's favor could even cause Joyce Meyer to somehow read my blog, and say to herself "Hey, I think I'll GET that girl up on stage to tell her story." God's favor could get the 2 people who broke my heart in the past couple of years to come back and apologize to me, and even want to work things out.

Hey, it could happen. God can do anything.

I had a little surprise of God's favor shine down upon me this afternoon that I'm excited about. I got a front row seat to a Michael W. Smith concert this Friday. It's just a little off the center in the front row. I've been a huge fan of his for a long time, since I was a teenager, and this is the 1st time I've ever managed to get to the front row. The closest I ever got before was 2nd row, and the time that I met him in person at a book store a long while ago.

What was a nice surprise was that when I called about tickets today, the lady didn't HAVE to tell me about the front row seat she had available. That's God's favor. The concert is to help raise money for a school/ church. Since I wanted to help out and give them some money, I asked if they had any higher priced tickets available. Since I'm going to the concert on my own, they had some spots up front available. Long story short, I'm up front. Yay :)

Its not just because I'm a long-time fan that I'm looking forward to the concert. I have been needing a really good praise and worship service to be in. Not just to lift my spirits, but I need some organized worship time to lift my hands to God. Not just me-and-my-iPod-in-the-living-room-worship-time, but a real time of hanging out with hundreds of other people.

I want to be on Joyce Meyer's Stage Someday

I know... you'd think I work for Joyce Meyer as much as I talk about her on the different bulletin boards I post on and as much as I talk about her books in every day life, but, I don't. Although if she were ever hiring for something I could actually DO, I'd move to St. Louis if I could get my husband to go there. I have no actual ties to her, except for being a JMM Partner. But here I go, plugging her again.

I would love to get on Joyce Meyer's stage someday and talk to everyone in the audience. Like at the Women's Conference in St. Louis. As extremely shy as I am, I would see this as a huge victory over my past to be able to get up and talk in front of everyone-to show myself and God that He is changing me.

What I want to say is how picking up The Battlefield of the Mind book (which, if you've come to read this blog from other websites, you've probably seen me endlessly talk about) off the shelf at Barnes and Noble starting changing my entire life around last year. How I was completely lost and hopeless after having my heart broken, how it was the last straw in a long string of disappointments and aches & pains. How I had to choose between 2 books on the shelf, and "just happened" to pick up Joyce's book. I would love to talk to people about how I didn't even realize at the time that God was directing my steps, How reading the book began to change my thoughts, and I didn't even realize I COULD do that. And then I started looking at the JMM website and well lo and behold, a Joyce Meyer conference was coming to my town, of all places! And then I went-- and got hooked. And I would love to tell of all the hard work, the tears, the prayers, the changes that have gone on in the past year, that wouldn't have been possible if I hadn't picked up that one book. I want to tell about all the things God has been doing in my life. The things I am still waiting for Him to do. How He has changed my world.

My mind is still in a daily battle. Some days I wonder if it will ever end. It has gotten easier. My Battlefield of the Mind book is tattered and torn from reading it so many times. My B.of the M. CD's are probably worn out from listening to them, as are most of my Joyce Meyer CD's. God is slowly renewing my mind, from the train wreck that it was, into the mind of Christ, which is where it needs to be. Some days are easier, and some days it is harder.

Well, the baby is awake, and I have no eloquent ending to this post now. But someday I do want to be up on Joyce's stage. I have myself this small ministry from different websites of e-mailing people who write to me, offering encouragement, talking to them about the word of God, a few dozen here and there. Because I have been faithful with the little things (more on that in another post) I hope that someday God will allow me to reach more people than just sitting here with my little laptop.

More later.

Longing for Connection

God made us to have relationships. Not just with Him, the ultimate relationship, but also with other people. Friends and family members talking, celebrating together, checking on each other, being there for one another. He made people to fellowship with another.
That is something that I am longing for so much.

Most of my life I have been a loner. Mainly because I am so shy and don't have the best of social skills. I try to talk, and words don't come out right. I hear what I want to say in my head, but trying to get them out of my mouth--that's another story. So mostly when I hang out with people, I just listen. Many people have told me that I have a gift as a great listener. I don't know that my husband would say that. He knows how much I struggle with ADD and how hard it is for me to pay attention. But when someone is in trouble and needs someone to talk to, I'm the girl.

What I'm longing for right now is real friends. Meaningful friendships. Not the get-together-once-a-month because its a group thing type of things that I've been doing. Not the see-you-at-the-next-pottery-class type thing. What I long for is the type of friend who would call to check on me when they know I'm having a hard time (like this week). The kind of friend who I could call up to go see a movie, like chick flicks that my husband isn't interested in. The kind of friend I could text back and forth during a long work day Whatcha doin'?-nothin'-whatchya having for lunch today-hey guess what the baby rolled over all by herself--well guess WHAT my boss is wearing a tie with coffee stains-what time do you get off work today? Just meaningless stuff like that at times, but someone I know I can count on to be there for me, and someone who can count of me to be there for them.

God knows the desires of our heart. The Bible tells us this. Surely He has heard the prayer I have sent up to him since I was 12 years old that I would like a real friend. Surely He has seen that I have had two "friends" who said they were friends, who both broke my heart after a time with their incredible cruelness. Surely God knows that I am still waiting, that I am lonely and that I still pray. God made us to have friends and be with others.

Its still my hope that some day God will answer my prayer.That some day He will answer it and because I had to wait so long and because the wait was so hard that He'll answer it in a BIG way. Not just one friend, but a lot of friends. Not just a good friend, but an incredible friend. Not just a good connection, but an incredibly close connection. So I wait, and pray.

In the mean time, I still diligently seek the One who sticks closer than a brother, and still seek the face of Jesus, and try to learn more about him. How I want so much to feel him close to me. How I want so much to know he is near. How I long for his comfort, especially lately while I go through hard & lonely times. He is the only friend who will never disappoint me, the only friend who will never leave me, never abandon me, never speak against me, and never go away.

But I hope its okay that I also want someone to go to the movies with, go to the mall with, and text at work.

Things I'm Thankful for Today

This week I've done a fair bit of sighing. Been worn out, away from home too much, and feeling inadequate. This morning when I woke up I decided to make sure I changed my attitude.
I've let it get away from me for a few days.
Here is a short list of things that I'm thankful for, that I've been thinking of since my eyes opened this morning:
1. My warm bed, where I got to sleep until 10:15 this morning. 2. A good night's sleep.
3. My safe house.
4. Hot, clean, running water. (a lot of people don't have that-- and I love this ministry: ) <----click! 5. My soft, cozy couch where I laid and was a total lazy slouch for FIVE hours today. Today was my 1st day off in a while, and I actually let myself rest! It felt so good. 6. The 4 new Joyce Meyer Healthy Living DVD's I got to watch today, which I received as a special gift for my partner donation this month.
7. My 30 minute nap I got today.
8. The soup and sandwich I had at Chick Filet which was particularly yummy.
9. Going to the grocery store with my husband.
10. My cat Sadie, who curled up with me on the couch.
11. Having strong legs, and going on a walk with my dogs this evening.
12. The new book I'm reading by Bill Johnson called Face to Face with God.
13. The fire in the fireplace.
14. The 4 translations of the Bible that are sitting on our coffee table which I am free to read any time I want.
15. That I will be going to bed in 30 minutes, waking up in the morning in a soft warm bed again, and free to attend my Sunday School Group and Church and worship as I please.

The Power of Hope

Last night I wrote about how I am just a girl waiting on God.
This morning I starting listening to Joyce Meyer's The Power of Hope CD set for the 4th or 5th time. (If you click my title of this post, it should take you straight to the CD set on Joyce's awesome site so you can see it for yourself-- I think its one of her best.)
It reminded me of what waiting on God means.
I am not to sit here and wait positively. Laying around, being lazy.
"What are you doing?"
"Oh, I'm just waitin' on God."
No. Waiting is to have a confident expectation. Its active. Not lazy.
I'm waiting on Someone. Not just anyone.
What am I expecting? More importantly, Who am I waiting for?
Someone who desires to bless me. Someone who looks around to find people He can bless. Someone who longs to comfort His people, Someone who longs to be good to his children, Someone who longs-- did you catch that?-- LONGS-- to pour out-- did you catch THAT?-- pour out, not drip, not meter out, but POUR out a blessing, to his children.
But who do you think He's going to give it out to? The people who are sitting around whining, "God never does anything for me."
"I don't believe in a good God-- if he was good, he wouldn't let bad stuff happen."
"I don't see him anywhere, I don't know if he exists or not."
"Well, I used to believe, but he ain't done nothing for me lately."
"There are lots of ways to God, so you just believe in your god, and I'll believe in my Higher Power, and you go your way and I'll go mine."
No.
He wants to pour out his blessings to those who hope in HIM. Him alone. Those who wait expectantly, hopefully, in Him. Those who are waiting for YAHWEH to show up any day now. The Lord our Provider, The Lord our Healer, The Lord who Sanctifies, The Lord our Hope, The Lord our Salvation, The Lord of Hosts, the Lord our Banner, the God who is worth of Praise, our God who is more than enough, our God who is LOVE, our God alone.
Its HIM who I wait for.
Any day now, God is going to do something BIG for me. I don't know what it will be. But it will BE. And if it doesn't happen today...then maybe tomorrow. If not tomorrow...them maybe the day after that. Or in five years. Or ten. But it'll happen. This problem...these problems... I've had for 20 years, that I've been waiting for God to take care of... they could be gone by the end of the day. All its going to take is for Someone to show up. As long as I continue to seek Him, I can be confident that it will happen.

Just a girl waiting.

He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!] (Amplified Bible) Hebrews 13:5

I am having a hard time this week. Dealing with some old things. Feeling past hurts that are presently up in my face and wringing my heart. Missing some people so much that at times it hurts too much to even breathe.
Aching for prayers to be answered, ones I have prayed so fervently and so longingly that God surely, surely realizes how important they are to me... yet He continues to remain silent. Telling God over and over, "I need you, please talk to me," but I don't hear him, don't see him. Times this week when I want so much to just take a break from the world and say "I give in"-- but its not an option. I wouldn't let myself, and God wouldn't let me. Broken heart and all, reminding God I need him, and hoping that today he will show up in a big way. So far today he hasn't...not in a way that I can tell. [Or rather I should say, not in the way that my limited, insightless, fleshly mind WANTS him to. ]

So Hebrews 13:5 I hang on to: He says he is here. Even if I don't feel him, don't hear him... don't see anything happening in the things I desperately pray for... He says he is.