Has there ever been something you really wanted that you prayed for for a really long time?years, even? how do you know when to give up?how do you know when to keep pushing through, and continue praying and hoping? this is something i am struggling with again. there is something in particular i started praying for in 1984. and i am still waiting on it. its something that i hope is Gods will for me-- i think its a good thing to pray for-- and yet still i wait. and pray. and wait. and wonder. and talk to Jesus about it some more. sometimes i cry, because its something i want something so badly...something that everyone i know already has, and i have never had...so why not me too? what is God trying to teach me? what does He want from me, anyway?
there is another thing i have been praying for for over a year. every day. i have had many, many people, probably thousands, helping me pray. Yet God has chosen to not make it happen yet. and i wonder some more, what he is doing behind the scenes,what he is working out, what i am supposed to learn in the meantime.
its hard. its a challenge. sometimes i handle it all well, resting in the knowledge that God has a master plan,that he knows everything i truly need, that he will give me these things at the proper time. sometimes i handle it all poorly,like a spoiled 3 year old-- i want it, why dont you give it to me NOW!? i 'm tired of asking! most days i hover somewhere inbetween, praying and hoping and trying to make it through another day as i wait. and i hope--- and hope. and hope. because whether i get what i pray for or not,God is still good.he is still worthy of my worship and my love. so i will keep on hoping, and waiting.