Saturday, July 16, 2011

I have to believe

1 I waited patiently for the LORD;

he turned to me and heard my cry.

2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,

out of the mud and mire;

he set my feet on a rock

and gave me a firm place to stand.

3 He put a new song in my mouth,

a hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see and fear the LORD

and put their trust in him.

Psalm 40:1-3

I am in the midst of deep grief. I guess losing my dog last weekend was the last straw. The breaking point of several months of losses, broken dreams, and bad news.
There aren't words for it. I haven't really got anyone to talk to about it anyway. I don't know why God is allowing all these things to happen. Some times it seems like there will be no end to the sorrow. Sometimes I wonder what's going to happen next...and its not a happy thought.
I have been trying to sleep in order to escape; in those moments when I am falling asleep, at least I know there is nothing I have to do, no problems I have to solve right now. Just slip into sleep, and that's that. Although I don't sleep well, at least its still a bit of an escape from my worries and the ache in my heart. I wonder where God is. I wonder when my comfort will come. I wonder when something is going to happen to make all this pain feel like its been worth it.

But this I believe. I choose to believe.
God is still good. He hears my prayers. He will, someday, make all things right. Someday, whether its on this earth or not, my heart will be healed and whole again.

1 comment:

Michelle's Day said...

SO sorry you're sad!!!!!!!!! but keep believing, keep trusting, keep hoping that tomorrow will be a better day. Try listening to Charles Stanley ( If you look in the "audio archives," you'll find a series on "the truth will set you free." Actually every sermon he gives is convicting, encouraging, uplifting! So is Third Day's music!!