Tuesday, September 16, 2008
I used to handle disappointment in very negative ways. I don't want to re-hash them here, but suffice it to say it was all very dramatic and sad. Now I don't give myself that option. Right now I'm home sick with the flu, and today I'm dealing with something very disappointing. Something that I really wanted to happen with someone didn't happen. A person I really wanted to work with is not going to be working with me, has taken a job elsewhere. And I'm really bummed about that. For the past few weeks I've been getting my hopes up and spending lots of time praying about this one particular thing. Praying about something I was hoping...thinking...was God's will. But now I'm wondering, was it really? I thought it was. Did I miss God? Was this thing I've been praying for and hoping for really MY will, just in disguise because I wanted it so much? Does today's disappointment line me up for something better tomorrow? Does God have something better in mind? I wish I knew. This year, ever since January, my life has been all about waiting on God. Every time I have asked God for what He wants me to do about different things, His answers are the same: "Wait" and "Let Me do it." And so I guess I will go on just... waiting... and letting God handle these things. (Sounds easy enough to do, right? Give that I am confined to my couch with the flu right now :-P ) I feel like I ought to have an honorary degree in Waiting 101 by now. I wish I knew what was going on. I feel so disappointed today.