Saturday, November 22, 2008
Tonight I am not very eloquent. I just need to talk.I wish I had a place where I felt like I belonged. I feel it all the time, this longing to fit in somewhere... a place where I am welcomed, known, accepted. Once upon a time years ago I was part of several online bulletin boards where I was rather popular and had quite a few online friends. Many of us stayed up late chatting, goofing off together. Those were good days. I miss them. But because of changes in my life and my heart, I've found that I've had to leave those places behind, either because the people I loved there were no longer there or because I needed to leave out of obedience to God. This year has been a refining year for me. I've felt like God has called me out of a lot of places that were not good for me. Well, places that He thought were not good for me... even if I thought they were. But I know he has his reasons. As a result, I've been more on my own this year. More lonely. It's not always a bad thing-- to have more time between God and I is a good thing. But there are times when I spend time on the internet searching for people I might be able to talk to. I keep trying to find forums for Christian women, Bible studies, artsy forums, people who love Joyce Meyer, Beth Moore fans, people in recovery who are not wallowing in self-pity.... ANYTHING. I want so much to feel like I belong somewhere again.