Monday, November 24, 2008

Do you ever...

Do you ever look in the mirror and wonder, "Is this as good as it gets?"
Ugh... I am feeling so fat and ugly lately. I understand that being under 100 pounds and having shiny healthy hair and a completely intact body I have got a lot going for me. I could, for example, have unexplainable runaway warts or be missing a limb. And I am quite aware that I am fearfully & wonderfully made. But sometimes I wonder IS THIS ALL THERE IS? Today, I fear, I endlessly studied the Oil of Olay line of products to find some magic product that would magically soothe my skin, smooth my fine lines, make my skin radiant, and truly make my face shine like I had just looked upon the face of Jesus Himself. However, I'm on a limited budget. I had to settle for something that will merely rejuvenate what I've got left. Hmph. Will I EVER feel beautiful? I have SO many people tell me that I'm "so cute." That's great if I still want to look like I"m twelve (which, by the way, I usually do, since my hairstyle on my wild-hair days includes ponytails...) But sometimes I wonder, will I ever be beautiful? Even if I ever achieve it, will I ever feel it? With all that I have that goes on inside me, and all that has gone on in my life, would I even know I had gotten there if I ever did get to my destination?


Brandi said...

I honestly think you are beautiful. you have soulful eyes and a wonderful smile.

and yeah, i sometimes start looking for miracles in the cosmetics section.

Michelle said...

(((((Pilgrim))))) I may have never seen you in person but I know you are beautiful, especially in God's eyes. I totally understand wanting to look beautiful. I'm 60+ pounds overweight (realistically, not "my version," which is more), my skin is not great, I need braces again, I wear glasses and would probably look better in contacts, I don't dress "hip" at all... But my husband loves me just the way I am, and I know that God does. We are all precious in His sight, no matter what. Too bad there's so much pressure, especially here in the US, to look "perfect." You are perfect just the way you are.

Blessings to you this Thanksgiving weekend!