This new year is going to be all about CHANGE for me. That is my plan anyway, and I THINK I have God's blessing on it. Last year (2008) seemed to be all about pain. Loss. Ache. And I must say, I've have quite enough of that. From the moment 2008 started, it was all about losing people and things I cared about.
This morning I was listening to my Bible study on the way to work and Beth Moore had something really interesting to say. It started with how God had to wait until the "proper" time to send Jesus, and it was after 400 YEARS (YEARS--- FOUR HUNDRED YEARS that is a FREAKING LONG TIME TO WAIT FOR SOMETHING) of SILENCE from God. Can you IMAGINE silence from God? By this time, God's people were seriously freaking out. Seriously. They were God's chosen people, but for 400 years, God didn't speak. But God had to wait for the proper time to send Jesus. He was waiting for his perfect time. In that time, he was creating a famine of silence, a famine in the land, and a famine of food, and making the people DESPERATE. He had tried making situations happen to make people hungry for God but it didn't work.
They didn't turn to him.
So instead, he used his silence.
He used a long period of time instead of times of situations. Well, that worked finally. Sometimes, when God uses little situations to get our attention, and it doesn't work, he has to use periods of times of waiting to get out attention, and creates famines in our lives. Maybe famines of money or friends or loneliness or illness. Whatever he has to do to make us hungry for God and to turn our attention back to him. Something to get us desperate for him. By the time God sent Jesus, the people were absolutely desperate for a savior (of course, look what they did to him-- how stupid was THAT. People are idiots.) Anyway, I was thinking, thats pretty much what happened with me this past year. Maybe God was trying to get my attention with little things (I dont know for sure, because I was so damn clueless and out of it) and trying to get me to turn to him again. But it didn't work. I wasn't reading my bible every day and going to church every day and enjoying time with God every day like I was when I was in college . Because I had gotten to a place the last few years when I didn't WANT to hear what Christians had to say, and I didn't want to talk about God ... and I thought that Christian books were hokey so I didn't read them (now I can't get enough of them and my shelves are filled with them.) So maybe God took things away from me just enough to make me desperate (it worked) for him and basically, took all my toys away.
This year I haven't had any friends or company to talk to, and several relationships that I tried turning to turned out to be a total joke. Because maybe God wanted to create in me a hunger for Him and for His word that made me sure that nothing but God could fill it. So now I realize that the only one I can really trust is God and I have figured out a whole bunch of stuff out about God, which is eons away from where I was a year ago.Even though I would rather all this past year hadn't happened, I know it all worked out for my good. Because God is GOOD, and everything that he has happen is good, even if I don't see it right away (or ever.) My breakthrough is still coming someday. It just isn't the proper, perfect time for it. But it will come. God's timing is perfect. It could be here any day.
This year isn't going to be about loss, I think. Its going to be about blessings and appreciating what I have. About making new friends. About seeking (and FINDING) God. I'm already signed up for the next Beth Moore Bible study at church, and starting this week DH and I will start going to Sunday School (at our church its called Community Group) every week. I'm hoping to meet some new friends through those things. The baby is signed up for Gymboree Class (??) (they have that for newborns! Yay, the 4 month old can get a social life :-P ) and in a few weeks starts Kindermusik. Hurray! So we will have 2 places to go every week with her which will be pretty exciting.