Thursday, February 19, 2009


Tonight I was looking back at the beginnings of this blog.
I started it in early September of last year, when I was still teaching.
And a little bit of a WOW at myself and a lot of WOW at God.
Because I have changed so much even since then.
Even in September and October I was so lonely and hurt and wanting someplace to belong. Still seaching for something or someone to fill me and make me better.
No longer am I in that place and I feel so much better.
There is of course, still an ache inside because of things that happened. My heart has a pain in it that I think about every day, that I pray every day for God to take it away. And of course I would enjoy being liked and accepted. But it is not necessary. I don't NEED to be liked by others, because I no longer worry about what other people think. I do not NEED to belong anywhere. And I have places where I am liked and accepted. When I started liking and accepting myself, people started liking and accepting me. Go figure that one! I have people who want to be friends. In fact, my phone even rang just a couple days ago with an offer to go out to lunch with 2 people who want to be friends with me. And I am comfortable with myself. Not that I don't have my ugly/fat moments but they are just moments, not all day knock-down-drag-outs with the mirror anymore. And if I get in a really bad mood, I just have a come-t0-Jesus-meeting with myself and get things straightened out inside so my whole day isn't ruined.
How completely weird is that?
Thank you thank you thank you,God.
Now I am in such a place that I can offer help and hope to others.
How can that even be? Except to say that God is good.
I have a lot to work on. I have a LOOOOOONG way to go. But as Joyce Meyer says, I might not be where I need to be, but thank God, I'm not where I used to be.

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