Thursday, April 15, 2010

Separating your Who and your Do

I brought this up in replying to someone on my message board and thought it might be helpful to copy it here. This is something that I have learned that has been very, very helpful in moving beyond my past, getting beyond guilt, and moving thru things a bit. You're welcome to add your own thoughts or ask me questions if you like.

If you feel like you are a bad person because bad things happened, or if you feel like you're a bad person because someone made you do bad things, or if you even are caught up in an eating disorder, or you're a cutter, or you're an alcoholic, or because things happened in a cult and you were part of it, or you were raped 1/2/10 times, and you're convinced that THOSE things make you BAD, or you "must be bad because otherwise those things wouldn't have happened" on:

You need to learn to separate your "Who" and your "Do."

WHO you are is a good person, a child who was hurt and injured and has a hurty heart and that many people like and you are loved, and you are loved by God (whether you realize this or not.) You are a good person who is here on this planet for a reason and you are important. You are valuable and good.

Now... your DO. You may, like ALL of us, screw up sometimes. You may do some bad things. You may do some bad things on purpose sometimes. So do do most people. Sometimes you may do bad things on accident. You may be doing things because you're re-enacting traumatic events that happened to you, and trying to resolve them by acting them out. Lots of reasons. So yah, you, like all of us, may do some bad stuff.

However... the things you DO are not who you are. Your WHO and your DO are separate.
I can go sit in my garage ALL day long, make car noises, and pour oil in my lap-- but that doesn't make me a car. The WHO of me is still a person.
I can go around the neighborhood barking like a dog and wearing a collar, but that doesn't make me a dog. The who of me is still me... Pilgrim

I can go swear at my neighbor because they won't turn down their music at midnight, which probably isn't very helpful of me, but that doesn't make me a bad person. It makes me a tired person who is tired of listening to Guns and Roses at midnight when I want to be asleep.
My WHO and my DO are separate.

Just like yours. can do some bad things, but no... you are not bad. You are good. You may act up sometimes, inside kids may act up sometimes, but they are not bad either. Keep your who and your do separated.

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