Wednesday, October 29, 2008

A Cavity, A Blessing and An Achey Breakey Heart

Did you know that dentist's offices do not necessarily have to be places of torture? This is a new concept I am trying out. As I write this I am attempting to eat a slice of pizza with a half-numb mouth, though I am hours past returing from the dentist after having a cavity filled. Although the FDA, or EDA, or BBC, or whomever, recommends that human beings get their teeth cleaned every 6 months, I admit that I'm more on the every-2-or-3-year plan due to intense fears of having people touch my mouth. And shhh... I don't even brush my teeth on some nights.... AFTER EATING CANDY. Shh!!!!
Thank goodness CLEAN TEETH is not a requirement for getting into heaven.

By the way, does YOUR dentist have a basket of candy next to the receptionist's desk? I think my dentist is onto something there. Have a piece of candy...or two. Start working on that next cavity, and we'll see you again... SOON....want another piece? Ha ha.

So I have met some really nice people there who were willing to put up with my irrational fear of having my mouth touched and one kind ....tooth helper lady...what ARE they called anyway? Tooth Technician? ...even held my hand and kept me company today while the dentist and his helper drilled away at my tooth today. I bet she doesn't know it but she was a blessing sent by God to help me out today . The people in that dentist office were so encouraging to me today about my new job and that I was doing the right thing.

Then I went to my school, where I resigned this week from my job of 13 years, and said goodbye to my class.
Agh. My heart.
Let me say, I know I'm doing the right thing. I think that God has brought me my new job. And I NEEDED to get out of my special ed job, because I'm pretty sure it was killing me--faster and faster every year. I've been through things in that job that non-teachers wouldn't believe if I told them to your face. Stuff with students and parents that would appall you and make you say "I can't believe you didn't quit 12 years ago."
Some days I can't believe I made it this far either except for a dogged determination that I do God's work.
But then a couple of years ago, I felt like the anointing to teach special ed was gone. But, certain that THIS job was what God meant for me when He told me to "keep care of the children", I kept pushing myself, because otherwise I'd be out of God's will, I kept going back, determined to make it work even if it killed me.
Then I realized, after my health and heart and sanity going more and more, THERE ARE OTHER WAYS TO KEEP CARE OF CHILDREN-- and some other long-winded stuff I'll spare you--
I can do other things so lets get out of the boat and try walking on water--
Saying goodbye to my class . My babies, whom I LOVE.
OH, Man. They made me a goodbye card.
I always wonder, when I say goodbye to a class for summer vacation, did I tell them enough that I love them? Did I hug them enough? Was 100 times enough to say I love you? Should I have said it 101? 201? Do they really know? Will they remember that Mrs ____ LOVES them? They might forget my name, but will they remember the feel of my arms around them when they fell down and skinned their knee, will they remember that they cried and I ran to comfort them, will they remember sitting on my lap for a story? Will they remember calling me Momma? Will they remember how I clapped for them the 1st time they counted to 20 by themselves?
I love these kids so, so much. And today, I said goodbye.
Oh, my achey breakey heart. Dear God, please, send me comfort today.
I pray I am doing the right thing... I know I am... I just... to say goodbye to those little ones that I love is SO HARD... :*(

1 comment:

Michelle said...

What respect I have for you for being able to break away from teaching when you knew you needed to. God has great things in mind for you! And you've inspired me to go ahead and find a dentist that takes my insurance--it's been waaaaay too long! (Count the a's in that word and you'll know how many words, *blush*.) If you can do it, so can I.

Have fun with that little one you're taking care of now!

Michelle in Oregon