Earier I posted about how I was waiting on God. About waiting expectently for Him to show up.
But I am often running around like a chicken with my head cut off in my daily life. The laundry needs done, the baby needs a bottle, the dogs need let in and out 14 times, I am reading 3 books at the same time and doing a Bible study, I'm checking my e-mail to see if someone might actually write to me, another load of laundry goes in. Even when I do sit down, I'm popping up literally every 5 minutes. My mind is always racing. I have idea after idea, projects I start but have so much on my mind its hard to follow through with everything. .
God is probably trying to send blessings down from Heaven to chase me down all the time, but I'm never sitting still long enough for them to catch me. (Note to self: mention medication to my doctor tomorrow morning!)
Even last summer when I was in the midst of a tormented afternoon, begging God for help with a particularly heart-wrenching situation I've been in for over a year, I asked Him "WHAT do you want me to DO about all this?" His answer: Let Me do it.
But do I ? No, I'm too busy running around trying to do everything and be God Junior. Which by the way, I'm lousy at.
So last night I was determined to be still. God is always, always reminding me to just BE STILL.
Keep in mind, I was not made to be still. Even when I'm exhausted or sick, I am just.not.still.
But last night I was determined to be still, and allow God to catch up with me. I needed to just BE, and allow Him to pour some love down on me. I even had planned out what I was going to say: Here I am God. Just me. I'm not going to DO anything. I'm just going to lay here, and let you pay some attention to me, this little person that you made that you say is good, and let you comfort me with your love because I NEED it. Okay. Thanks.
For a while I put it off. A couple hours, actually. You know why? I was afraid that God would not show up. I was afraid He would be too busy. I was afraid I had messed up too much yesterday. I was afraid for a moment even that God isn't really real, so what was the sense in setting myself up. I was afraid that God would disappoint me like people disappoint me. I was afraid that God would do this for other people, but not me. Let me tell you, if there is someone God could skip over, it would be me. Of all the sinners and low people in the world, I am one of the sinny-est and lowest. (So you totally know that I could go into the fact that God loves us ALL no matter how much we have screwed up, God IS really real, God is not a man that He should lie, God is NOT like people are, that what God will do for one person He can do for every person even me, right?) So I put it off until bedtime.
I climbed in bed and took a chance. During my prayer time, I thanked God for verses like these: Psalm 147:11the LORD delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love . Psalm 22:5They cried to you and were saved; in you they trusted and were not disappointed. Told Him thank you for all my daily little things I'm grateful for.
A minute later, I was asleep.
This morning I woke up thinking...man...well, so much for that.
Then this verse from Zepheniah came to my heart: he will quiet you with his love.
And I realized something: God did show up last night.
While I was praying last night, I fell asleep awfully fast. Normally, I lay there full of anxiety, tossing and turning. Last night, while talking to God about needing Him to show up, I was asleep in a minute flat. God quickly calmed my mind. And then I realized another thing. My husband had come into the room at some point last night and prayed over me. God used my husband to comfort me as well.
When I finally took the time to just BE STILL, and obey what God has been telling me to do, GOD SHOWED UP. He showed up last night as Love and quietness and stilled my mind, when I actually took the chance on being still. Hm.