Monday, March 16, 2009

Longing for Connection

God made us to have relationships. Not just with Him, the ultimate relationship, but also with other people. Friends and family members talking, celebrating together, checking on each other, being there for one another. He made people to fellowship with another.
That is something that I am longing for so much.

Most of my life I have been a loner. Mainly because I am so shy and don't have the best of social skills. I try to talk, and words don't come out right. I hear what I want to say in my head, but trying to get them out of my mouth--that's another story. So mostly when I hang out with people, I just listen. Many people have told me that I have a gift as a great listener. I don't know that my husband would say that. He knows how much I struggle with ADD and how hard it is for me to pay attention. But when someone is in trouble and needs someone to talk to, I'm the girl.

What I'm longing for right now is real friends. Meaningful friendships. Not the get-together-once-a-month because its a group thing type of things that I've been doing. Not the see-you-at-the-next-pottery-class type thing. What I long for is the type of friend who would call to check on me when they know I'm having a hard time (like this week). The kind of friend who I could call up to go see a movie, like chick flicks that my husband isn't interested in. The kind of friend I could text back and forth during a long work day Whatcha doin'?-nothin'-whatchya having for lunch today-hey guess what the baby rolled over all by herself--well guess WHAT my boss is wearing a tie with coffee stains-what time do you get off work today? Just meaningless stuff like that at times, but someone I know I can count on to be there for me, and someone who can count of me to be there for them.

God knows the desires of our heart. The Bible tells us this. Surely He has heard the prayer I have sent up to him since I was 12 years old that I would like a real friend. Surely He has seen that I have had two "friends" who said they were friends, who both broke my heart after a time with their incredible cruelness. Surely God knows that I am still waiting, that I am lonely and that I still pray. God made us to have friends and be with others.

Its still my hope that some day God will answer my prayer.That some day He will answer it and because I had to wait so long and because the wait was so hard that He'll answer it in a BIG way. Not just one friend, but a lot of friends. Not just a good friend, but an incredible friend. Not just a good connection, but an incredibly close connection. So I wait, and pray.

In the mean time, I still diligently seek the One who sticks closer than a brother, and still seek the face of Jesus, and try to learn more about him. How I want so much to feel him close to me. How I want so much to know he is near. How I long for his comfort, especially lately while I go through hard & lonely times. He is the only friend who will never disappoint me, the only friend who will never leave me, never abandon me, never speak against me, and never go away.

But I hope its okay that I also want someone to go to the movies with, go to the mall with, and text at work.

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