These were the words I wrote at the beginning of this year:
This year is going to be all about CHANGE for me.
And WOW, was it ever. I believed that I finally had God's blessing on finally changing... and oh dear, was this year ever about change.
2008 was about learning...about loss...about learning to go on again.
2009 has been my year of change, and learning about the grace of God.
Reading back over my journals tonight, I realize just how much God has changed me in 1 year. I didn't have anything to do with it, I think-- don't give me the credit, because I tried so hard for YEARS to change on my own and couldn't do it. But once I finally decided to cooperate with God, and got on HIS plan... things started to fall into place.
Finally (that's probably God talking, not just me!)
I still have a long long way to go... but at least now I am finally on my way.
In 2009 I learned to trust God more. I learned of His deep, unchanging love for me. I saw Him answer my prayers, both big and small, time and time again.
I saw my Provider meet my needs. I saw my Healer heal my body and my broken heart over and over again. I began to laugh more. The Lord made me a more appreciative, positive person. I'm sure there are people who know me who probably never thought THAT would happen. God even gave me many things I don't deserve, and answered some long-time prayers, just out of the Goodness of His heart.
Its all about grace...and not because I deserve it, not because I did anything for it, but simply because He is that good, because He is that loving.
In 2010... I don't know what will happen. Still waiting on those flying cars and making contact with aliens--weren't we supposed to have all that by now?
But in my heart, I know that I will keep on growing. My deep desire is to know Him more, to grow closer in my relationship with God and know His Word better, to spend more time in Bible study (I got this REALLY cool computer program called GLO for Christmas to help with that), and just become more like Jesus.
At the end of the year, I hold onto this: I am grateful. Things change... sometimes they are harder and sometimes they are easier, but I know that God can be trusted and He loves me. And for right this moment, that is good enough for me.