When Prayers Go Unanswered

For a few months now I've been having a really hard time that seems to keep getting harder.
Life has been tough lately. I talk to God, I do the things I know to do, yet life is one test after another lately. Prayers go unanswered, even when I ask hundreds of people to pray. I watch other people get their breakthroughs time and time again--yet I wait, wait, wait. Fear. Sink a little. Feel a little more lost.
I have learned some things though.
A lot of hard things. Nothing easy at all.

But I know this.

Even when my prayers appear to go unanswered....
The Almighty God, maker of the universe, still hears me.
He still loves me. Even if He never did answer my prayers, He still loves me. Unanswered prayer does NOT equal not loving, not hearing, not listening, not caring.
He is still sovereign. The LORD God is still in control of everything.
He can still work all things together for good-- because HE is good, because HE is faithful, because HE is unchanging and holy.
He still guides my steps. Even if I can't see for the darkness in front of me, He still watches my every move, and He has a plan.
I can still expect God to take care of me.

So, yah. Just putting it out there. But please pray anyway, for me. I need a miracle or two to happen. Right now would be good.

Stepping out in faith

Jesus tells us to have faith. And you know, right, by now, that having faith isn't just a passive, sit there and wait for God to do something for you thing, right? Have you too gotten to a point in your life where you've figured out that faith is an action, a thing that YOU have to do? Its something that takes a lot of practice. A LOT. More than I actually care to do, sometimes. But its something that we need to do out of our love for the Lord, and out of obedience, and to show God that we trust Him to answer our prayers.

I have been stepping out in faith a lot lately. There is a mission trip to Ethiopia being planned through my church, and I want to go something awful. I mean it. Ever since I heard about last year's trip there, I have had it laying on my heart so heavily to go there. During the Ethiopia trip, the mission workers go help out a couple orphanages like Drawn from Water (http://www.drawnfromwater.org) and also go to minister to the forgotten, abandoned people in a nearby leper colony.

And you can think whatever you want of me when I say this, but when I heard about that-- going into the stinking, smelly, abandoned leper colony, going to the orhpanage of abandoned children, walking in the rain and the mud and getting dirty.... I thought, Now THAT is my idea of a good time.

That is exactly how I want to spend my summer vacation. I can feel it in my heart-- That is exactly what God wants me to do.

The problem, however, is the timing. The trip is planned for late June/ early July. My vacation that my boss gives me, however, is at the end of July. She can't/won't spare me any other time. See the problem there? So... I am praying, and have tons of other people praying for me, that SOMETHING will give.... that God will work out the timing so that somehow the dates will work out, and I will get to go. Somehow. I don't know how its going to all work out. It's too big a job for me. But nothing is too big for God.

So I have been stepping out in faith. I am getting ready for this trip, anyway.
I got my passport last month. One step.
I e-mailed the person in charge of the trip and told him how its on my heart to go, but here's the deal with my vacation.
Then last night I did what has been the hardest part so far-- I got some of my vaccinations. Did you know that insurance doesn't pay for that stuff? Oh well. If you're voluntarily leaving America, guess you are own your own there, buddy. So $275 and 2 sore arms later, I am now not in any fear of getting polio, yellow fever, or typhoid any time soon-- hallelujah!
So I continue stepping out in faith. [Sometimes, like getting those shots last night, you'll notice that stepping out in faith hurts a little. Thats okay. Its part of the deal.]
My next step is to keep on talking about the trip-- and to start raising funds for it. I am putting a little money away from each paycheck. Maybe I'll hold a bake sale. I make a mean loaf of homemade bread ;)
Just keep stepping out in faith, one thing at a time-- until I land myself in Ethiopia this year--because my heart is already there.

Amazed

For a few days this week, I was rather troubled.
Well, if you want to get all technical about it, I was freaked out-- if you want to be honest. Troubled is just the word we just use when we have our church face on. Freaked out is the phrase I'd use in the privacy of my own home.
For a few days, I was freaked out because God had put a trial in my life-something new came up that I had to deal with that I didn't particularly want to. Had lots to think over, decisions to make. I wasn't going to get my own way about some things. Lord knows, we don't like that.
I got out one of my favorite books by Joyce Meyer, The Secret Power of Speaking God's Word to encourage myself and remind myself that God would give me wisdom and peace. And that's when I realized, that God put this trial in my life to be a blessing to me. I just had to see around it and realize that in a way, this obstacle that I saw was actually the pathway to an answer to prayer-- as I suspect most trials actually are when we can get the right perspective on them.So I am once again amazed.... amazed at how good God is. Amazed at how much He loves us. Amazed at the things He will do for us out of His love, even when we don't deserve it. I need to learn to stay amazed all the time, I think, because God is always working on my behalf, always working things together for my good even when I don't realize it.
Habakkuk 1:5 "Look at the nations and watch— and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told. "

On Baby Love, Impossible Dreams, and not giving up

I admit that I have not given much deep thought to writing anything meaningful lately. The past 7 weeks my mind has been on other things... namely, itty-bitty diapers and supersoft blankies and teaching Big Sister and Baby Sister how to live in the same house. As I've been learning how to get 2 children with completely different personalities to function on the same schedule (HA HA HA!!! that's a good one, right?) my brain has been slowly turning to mush.
However. I.am.completely....utterly....in...love.
And I am also incredibly grateful. Amidst the craziness and dirty diapers and the toddler being a little jealous, I am crazily happy. These are the days that I used to pray for.
I remember all too well just 3 years ago, having 15 special needs preschoolers running around me, all needing my undvided attention-RIGHT NOW. And I used to pray so hard that God would just let me do what I wanted-- to sit in a rocking chair and give a baby a bottle and rock her to sleep. And boy, did THAT dream ever feel far off--impossible in fact. There wasn't even any possibility of that on the horizon, as a matter of fact. And well... now I've spent 2 years rocking and cuddling and hugging and changing diapers and going to the park. Three years ago, I would have bet good money that my dream would have never come true.
The fact that I am now living something that I used to dream about just amazes me. God is so GOOD to me. I don't deserve this, didn't do anything to earn it, and yet God in His love and compassion decided to give me something I wanted anyway. How amazing is that? Who else but God would do something so incredible?

How about you? Do you have a dream that's in your heart, something maybe even that you keep secret because you feel like you don't deserve it, it feels impossible, or it just seems too good to be true? I'd like to encourage you to pray about it. God specializes in the impossible. In fact, it seems to be where He shines the best.


Mark 10:27 Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God."

Read Joyce Meyer's article on "The Power of Hope" --> http://joycemeyer.org/OurMinistries/EverydayAnswers/Articles/art7.htm

Remembering what the Lord does for me

Right now I've got a HUGE prayer request going up to the Lord-- if anyone would help me out and pray for me. I really need peace from God and guidance from Him about my job situation. For privacy's sake, I can't really spell it out. But, I'm in a situation, and I need God to show me what HE wants me to do, and give me His peace and His wisdom. I need His provision. A few signs spelled out in the sky that say "Hey Pilgrim, Do THIS!" wouldn't hurt, either.

Often when I need something from God, I find that it helps me to remember His faithfulness and His goodness by remembering other things God has done for me. I know He's there; I know He can take care of me. I don't know why little doubts get into my mind (well, I DO-- its that Ephesians 6 spiritual warfare thing going on).

So let me tell you a few things that God has done for me lately-- I think you might enjoy hearing them.

• A HUGE prayer has been answered--one I have been praying about for nearly TWO years!! For privacy, I can't really say what. But it was one that I honestly had really pretty much given up on. After 2 years, you kinda say, "geesh, forget it"-- but in the back of my head I still kept thinking a little thought of, "maybe today will be the day it gets answered...ya never know...." And then one day, about a month ago now... it WAS the day. Through a friend of a friend, and a couple of e-mails, God made a connection for me and WHAM-- a prayer was answered. I'm so excited!
• A few weeks ago I had a car accident and my car was totalled... I had to write a pretty big check as a down payment on the new car. BIG check. Made things pretty darn tight. Last week in the mail I received a check from the other guy's insurance company that reimbursed me for nearly half the check I wrote. I don't understand why-had to do something with the value of the totalled car minus something plus something or...who knows what.... doesn't matter. I got a little bit of my money back. Yay!
• I've had a real revelation on the love of God. Remember that song I posted a couple weeks ago by David Crowder Band "How He Loves" ? I have had that song stuck in my head for 2 weeks. Almost constantly (SOOOO much better than "The Wheels on the Bus", let me tell ya.... And since I've had that song going through my head, any time a tough situation comes up, my thoughts go to how much God loves me and how good He is. That song is really reaching inside my heart to remind me that no matter what, I am loved by God. Isn't that totally cool?

He is Good. He is Able. God is the God of more than enough, and He loves you. I would love it if people who read this blog (and I know there are many of you) would PLEASE comment this time and tell me some of the prayers God has answered for you--'kay? Thanks.

The Safety of Psalm 91

Last night I watched some of the news before I fell asleep. I rarely ever do. It was disturbing. In 15 minutes, the reports were all about how many people in Texas have died of swine flu this week, how many troops died in Iraq recently, a child that died in an accident, a child that may die because of abuse, and more talk of war.
Rotten stuff.
I closed my eyes and said to God, "Lord, this world is so depressing sometimes. It feels so unsafe."
Immediately I heard that still, soft voice in my head: "Read Psalm 91."
So I picked up my Bible, and hear is what I read (with my thoughts added.)

Psalm 91
1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

2 I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."

3 Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence. (like swine flu)

4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day, (like wars,guns,and soldiers)

6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday. (there's swine flu again)

7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you. (God will keep me safe in this unsafe world.)

8 You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.

9 If you make the Most High your dwelling—
even the LORD, who is my refuge-

10 then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent. (my house is safe because I trust the Lord)

11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;

12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent. (I will overcome the evil one because of the Lord)

14 "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him. (I can feel safe, because I call on God;He is faithful)

16 With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation."

I felt so much better after reading that, especially since I believed that it was God who whispered in my ear to read those particular words of His. The world may be unsafe, there may be wars, plagues, and even death around me. But I believe the Lord will protect me.
Even last week, I was in a car accident. My car was SMUSHED. But I escaped with just some aches, pains, and minor injuries. It could have been much worse. I know God had sent his angels to protect me.
God is someone you can count on to protect you. If you feel unsafe and scared, call on Him. He and Jesus are right there waiting to wrap their arms around you.

God Surprised me twice this Week

God really took me by surprised this week. Both were an answer to prayer. One long term, and one short term. One was a prayer that I've been praying about nearly two years, and had a hard time with for what felt like FOREVER...day after day waiting, being anxious about... but I think that my prayer has been answered, and I am pretty sure I can relax about now I think things are going to work out now. I am so thankful.
Another was a smaller thing, but hopefully had an impact on another person. Every day when I wake up I ask God to help me be a blessing to someone. On a walk yesterday I saw a woman and her husband walking in the opposite direction of the baby and me. She had pretty gray,curly hair. I wanted to say give her a compliment, but felt shy and worried she'd think I was weird. So after they walked on by I told God, "If she needs to hear a compliment, and she walks on by me again, I'll say something."
Well, about 10 minutes later, she and her husband walked by again. So I stopped and comlimented her- I said "I hope you don't think I'm weird or anything, but I just love your hair-its so curly and such a beautiful color of gray, and so bouncy."
I'm so thankful that God had me say that, because the lady got tears in her eyes. She told me thank you so much, because she usually HATES her hair, and that made her feel better. Her husband said that her hair is like that from chemotherapy... and the woman said she doesn't like her hair anymore. I felt blessed. Maybe God having me speak outloud that compliment to her, His words out of my mouth about how beautiful she REALLY IS, will help her feel better about herself. She walked away smiling really big.
Isn't God awesome when he uses us little people to help someone?

Less Thinking, More Praising

All my life I have been told by people that I think too much. Anyone else have this problem? I'm naturally a worrier, a reasoner, a worrywart, whatever label you want to call it. My mind is always GOING. This bad habit started when I was around 4-5 years old as a curious child, always wanting to know "Why?" "How?" I was a gifted child who was always trying to figure out the way the world worked. However, being the way I just AM, it wasn't long before my brain went from plain curiousity to flat out worrying and obsessive rumination about the world, the world's problems, people, and trying to figure out how I could solve...well... everything.

The past year I have spent a lot of time reading about God, trying to figure out His personality and how He works. Reading about Jesus, and His life. I spend my hour-long commute to/from work listening to awesome Joyce Meyer and Beth Moore Cd's, learning practical to enjoy everyday life with God's help. Same thing when I'm out for walks-my iPod's playing, with podcasts by Joel Osteen, Beth, and Joyce, teaching me. I've been on a quest to think and learn, learn and think, and on. In the past year I've even been known to put my headphones on at night, and play the podcasts at night, to help absorb the word of God at night while I sleep.
I'm desperate to learn more.

Something hit me this week. All this ruminating's starting to get me down. I feel heavy with the weight of all my self-education. Last year God spoke to my heart about resting, about letting Him help me. Last year, 2008, was my learning year. This year I feel is supposed to be my time of resting. But hear I am, still inundating my life with excessive thinking. My thoughts have been down the past couple of weeks. So much to DO. So much to think about, so much for me to just FIGURE OUT! What do I DO with all I'm learning? I'm already trying so hard to do and learn so much! I'm already trying so hard to DO something about everything I have been learning. What else can I DO?

I was just about to put another teaching CD into my player the other day when I felt God say to me, "Less thinking, more praising."

Huh?
There's your solution, I felt God telling me. Your solution to your "doing." Stop thinking so much. Spend time praising Me instead. Lift up My Name, and your thoughts and feelings will be lifted up again.

I popped my teaching CD into my player and tried to forget about it. Surely there's nothing wrong with more learning about God. I must have heard wrong. But by the end of the day, I felt worse. Heavier.

Next morning, I was just about to pop another teaching Cd in. Heard again, "Less thinking, More Praising".

Okay, I thought. Maybe this is God, maybe this is what I need to do. I popped in my favorite worship CD-- Michael W. Smith's A New Hallelujah. Pushed the bass up really high, turned up the volume so Michael would be louder than my pitiful singing voice, started out down I-20, and rocked out.

Wouldn't you know that was just what I needed? I spent an hour, and then 2 or 3 more hours that day, worshipping God with incredible praise music. I spent hours lifting up God's name. I felt better (and still do) than I have in a long time. The only thing I thought about was all the good thing that my Yahweh has given me. The only thoughts in my brain were blessings I have been bestowed. My mood has been lifted for days.

Less thinking, more praising. Definitely God's prescription for a sound mind.

Rabbit Rescue

We have had quite an exciting weekend around here.
A mama bunny had her babies in our backyard. Our dog-filled backyard, I might add. We 1st discovered this on Friday when our Newfoundland tried bringing one of the babies into the house. Yikes! My husband found the nest and tried to cover it back up, and put wire fencing around it to protect it from the dogs. Curious as they are though, they just wouldn't leave the nest alone.
Then a 5 foot long bull snake decided HE wanted to explore the nest. On Friday evening our labrador started barking like crazy-- we ran out there to find him between the snake and the nest. Our lab is now a Hero :) He protected the babies. On Saturday we nearly buried one of the babies, before figuring out it was still lightly breathing. The mama did not return. Thankfully, and by what I am SURE is a miracle, we hunted down a rabbit rescue operation just a couple of hours from our house after church today. It was a miracle. I had been praying a lot for the babies. They are now in good, protective hands of some women who will feed the bunnies, take care of them, and rehabilitate them back to the wild when they are big enough.

Nothing is too big or too small for God to take care of. He is able to command the ocean waves to beat against the shore, and to make the heart beat in these 3 inch long baby bunnies. They are so incredibly SMALL. Their little ears were only about 1/2 an inch long, and SO soft. We put them in a nice box with a t-shirt and warm washcloth and the hair from their nest (we covered them up after we took the picture) and toted them off to the rescue place.
Aren't they miraculous? So tiny, yet God loves them even more than I do.

Needing Prayer

If you are one of the dozen or so people who regularly reads my blog, would you please pray for me and my family?
Ever since I got baptized a few weeks ago, it is like my mind, heart, and my family are under attack. I am pretty sure that we ARE and that I'm not making this up. Since the day I got baptized, things have been going to bad to worse every day.
My sister and her husband had to declare bankruptcy. On the day they went to court and found out they could lose their property, they also found out that her husband is being sued by his former employer, who is trying to get him to stop working for his new boss. Then her 3 newborn kittens died. My mom and dad are having to declare bankruptcy and may lose their property as well, because they have a greedy and unjust banker on their back. They are both long and complicated stories, but that's the jist of it. The thing is, my family hasn't done anything WRONG. They are all good people.
I'm so stressed out that its making me sick. I'm so worried about them, and I feel helpless. I'm sleeping a lot but still exhausted, and having trouble eating because I get stomach aches. Then there are just little things going on, little disappointments going on, that keep coming up. Like finding out I can't get the day off work to go volunteer at the Joyce Meyer Conference in Tulsa in May. Like my car breaking down and using my savings to fix it. Like the baby crying for 2 hours straight. There's a host of other things going on too, but i'll leave it at that.
Could you just pray?
I know that the Bible says that God tests us to build our character. Which is all well and good. But I sure wish that I could get through this wilderness soon. I don't want to be like the Israelites and spend FORTY years making an 11 day journey to the promised land. I've been going around this mountain long enough already, thanks. Its been about 25 years for me now-- seriously. I'm ready to have it over. So God can have my deliverance come any day now. It feels like time is moving so slowly lately. And I'm trying so hard to learn what I'm supposed to learn so I can get out of this wilderness time of my life.
Please pray that God will help my family out. And that God will strengthen me and help me out here too.

Longing for Connection

God made us to have relationships. Not just with Him, the ultimate relationship, but also with other people. Friends and family members talking, celebrating together, checking on each other, being there for one another. He made people to fellowship with another.
That is something that I am longing for so much.

Most of my life I have been a loner. Mainly because I am so shy and don't have the best of social skills. I try to talk, and words don't come out right. I hear what I want to say in my head, but trying to get them out of my mouth--that's another story. So mostly when I hang out with people, I just listen. Many people have told me that I have a gift as a great listener. I don't know that my husband would say that. He knows how much I struggle with ADD and how hard it is for me to pay attention. But when someone is in trouble and needs someone to talk to, I'm the girl.

What I'm longing for right now is real friends. Meaningful friendships. Not the get-together-once-a-month because its a group thing type of things that I've been doing. Not the see-you-at-the-next-pottery-class type thing. What I long for is the type of friend who would call to check on me when they know I'm having a hard time (like this week). The kind of friend who I could call up to go see a movie, like chick flicks that my husband isn't interested in. The kind of friend I could text back and forth during a long work day Whatcha doin'?-nothin'-whatchya having for lunch today-hey guess what the baby rolled over all by herself--well guess WHAT my boss is wearing a tie with coffee stains-what time do you get off work today? Just meaningless stuff like that at times, but someone I know I can count on to be there for me, and someone who can count of me to be there for them.

God knows the desires of our heart. The Bible tells us this. Surely He has heard the prayer I have sent up to him since I was 12 years old that I would like a real friend. Surely He has seen that I have had two "friends" who said they were friends, who both broke my heart after a time with their incredible cruelness. Surely God knows that I am still waiting, that I am lonely and that I still pray. God made us to have friends and be with others.

Its still my hope that some day God will answer my prayer.That some day He will answer it and because I had to wait so long and because the wait was so hard that He'll answer it in a BIG way. Not just one friend, but a lot of friends. Not just a good friend, but an incredible friend. Not just a good connection, but an incredibly close connection. So I wait, and pray.

In the mean time, I still diligently seek the One who sticks closer than a brother, and still seek the face of Jesus, and try to learn more about him. How I want so much to feel him close to me. How I want so much to know he is near. How I long for his comfort, especially lately while I go through hard & lonely times. He is the only friend who will never disappoint me, the only friend who will never leave me, never abandon me, never speak against me, and never go away.

But I hope its okay that I also want someone to go to the movies with, go to the mall with, and text at work.

Lord, I Believe

I have some cool things to share with you that have happened this week but first I have to do a little prelude to tell you that I sit here writing with an incredibly grateful heart right now.

Today I have been worried out of my mind about something... and a prayer has just been answered. One I thought, honestly, would not be. At least not in the way I thought it would be.

My husband and I have a 9 year old Great Pyrenees named Bear. He is a bit like a crochety old man (Bear, not Husband.) But he's also intelligent, fun, and incredibly dear to us, and a very important part of our family.

He hasn't been feeling well for a couple of days and DH had to take him to the vet as an emergency today. I was worried sick. You know when you have that feeling in the pit of your stomach that something is dreadfully wrong? I've had that for about 4 days. Husband and I had to put down our other precious dog in 2001 and still aren't over it. Don't want to ever go through it again. But Bear is getting old. I have been praying for Bear all day. Please God, heal him, somehow, do your magic. Heal him. We can't do this again. All day I've been worried out of my mind, especially when DH called saying he was leaving in the middle of the day to take Bear to the vet. Yikes. I feared the worse. Thought we'd be putting him down TODAY, in spite of all my prayers.

Nope. The Lord has answered: Bear is going to be okay. Its just a UTI. Got him some meds. He's all right!! I started crying because I was so grateful, and as soon as I got off the phone with DH, this humble little gal fell flat on her face on the floor before the Lord in gratitude. Thank you SO, SO much. My heart is overflowing with gratefulness for God saving my precious dog.

Anyway, onto my original post:

So I got an idea from watching Joel Osteen (HE ROCKS!) the other day about saying out loud "Lord, I Believe" to receive the blessings the Lord has for us. Joyce Meyer has talked about this too, about how God has blessings stored up in Heaven blessings for us. But, we have got to BELIEVE to RECEIVE. I admit I have had a HARD time believing a lot of the time. But, as my faith strengthens, I have noticed that my blessings have gotten ...more apparent. Maybe I am noticing them more, or maybe God is pouring more out. Either way, its good.

So I wrote in my Bible in front of Genesis "Lord, I Believe". And I wrote at the end of Revelation "Lord, I believe."

Because I really, really do believe everything that is in those pages. I used to think the Bible was a bunch of made-up stories. Written by a bunch of crazy men telling lies. Thought Jesus was a nice guy, even IF he existed at all, but didn't have anything to do with MY life, because after all, I was running MY life just fine thanks and I didn't need any help from any god. (I shudder to think how I rejected God for so many years and hurt him so badly, but thankfully God forgives me even for that.) But at least now I can see how wrong I was, and my life has gotten so much better for it. I even still have had my doubts at times, wondering, can it really be true? Can God be THIS good? THIS loving? THAT COMPASSIONATE? THAT UNDERSTANDING? Even to ME? I have had to pray "Lord, HELP ME BELIEVE" at times. Because really, I have a history of mistrust and unbelief in all sorts of areas. God has answered that prayer and HAS helped me believe. And I have started saying out loud, "Lord, I believe" whenever I feel any doubts about anything God says.

Now here is the totally wacked out thing. Since I have started TRULY believing, and saying that out loud... I have had SO many prayers answered. And not just little ones. Some biggies (like Bear being okay.) I have had money provided that I needed. I didn't have money in my wallet for gas in my car this week. I KNOW I didn't. Then there WAS- $35 in cash in my wallet. (Its a long story-- but the money wasn't there, then it WAS.) All of a sudden, between Saturday and Sunday, I sold 6 things for some cash that I needed (not a lot--not even $50 worth of stuff, but its $50 more than I had before) so that I could pay for an eye dr appointment. Then this week I sold $70 worth of stuff on Ebay that I haven't been able to sell. I needed to make it somewhere by 7 pm yesterday but traffic was all backed up EVERYWHERE in Dallas last night. I prayed hard for the traffic to be moved-- and the traffic was GONE, even though even on the radio they were still reporting traffic accidents and backups on my route. Just things like that, over and over this week.

I have been saying "Thank you God" and counting my blessings an awful lot this week. Now, don't get me wrong. Its not MY words that have power. It is power in the word of God and its God who makes things work. Its not how long I pray per day, or any magical words that I say, although God makes it clear that we are to come to Him with PRAISE and THANKSGIVING and present our requests to him--we should spent just as much time (if not more) worshipping Him, as we do asking Him for things. Its God in His infinite power that makes things happen at His appointed time. THere are a lot of things I am still waiting on. Some things I may never receive. But for now, I'll just keep on believing.

Get this Joyce Meyer DVD!

I have definitely found my favorite Joyce Meyer DVD. This one is so timely for me (as all of them seem to be.) The one I watched today was Dealing With the Devil: Exercising the Power & Authority of Christ. This one totally rocks.
Joyce talks about how important it is to spend personal time with God every day, how God uses our circumstances to change us-- how God breaks us in just the right places to make us into who He wants us to be (I'll say a giant AMEN to that one, having been going through THAT particular process for 13 months now.) Its also about what to do when you feel like you just can't go on anymore, the difference between resisting your problem and resisting the devil (because really, our problem isn't with our circumstances... its with the devil, as the Bible clearly states). And probably one of the most powerful and EFFECTIVE things that has changed my life, Joyce talks in it about how prayer, praise, and thankfulness defeat the enemy.
I think that praise and thankfulness through EVERYTHING, offering a sacrifice of praise, has been THE most powerful thing in changing my life the past year. At times it has been a total sacrifice of praise ( just like in Hebrews 13:15 Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise—the fruit of lips that confess his name.) There have been times when something has come up against me--something HARD, like rejection, pain, feeling worthless and judged, and I have had to get down on my knees and tell God "Thank you -- thank you even for this-- I know you are still in control, I know you still love me... I know you are going to work this out for my good... thank you for having a good plan for my life...I LOVE YOU GOD..."
Anyway, if there is any way that you can get this DVD, GET IT!! This is one of her best ones.
I'll even provide you with the link: https://shop.joycemeyer.org/eStore/Products/JMM/PID-D180.aspx (DVD)
https://shop.joycemeyer.org/eStore/Products/JMM/PID-2515C.aspx (CD)

Hearing God's Voice

I mentioned a few weeks ago that I would write of a few of the times I have heard God's voice this year but forgot to get around to it. I only have a few minutes tonight because I'm studying for an exam, so here are just a few that I wanted to share. I want so much to have my ears open so that I can hear God every time He wants to speak to me.

• Last winter was when I began talking to God all throughout the day. Just sort of little conversations with Jesus all day long instead of set times for prayer. One time, just so upset about everything that was going on, I cried out to him, "WHAT do you want me to DO about all this?" (because I couldn't think of anything else to do anymore) and I heard God say "LET ME DO IT."It really helped me start to have some peace and take some of the load off myself.
• By last summer I was starting to get pretty impatient for my life to get better. I was doing everything I could think God wanted me to do, and working so hard to change my life. But still, I didn't see any blessings coming. None. But I kept praising God, and praying. Then one day I was getting my dogs their dinner (plain dog food.) I decided to do something special for them so I cooked some rice to put on top of the dog food. Well, that made them have to wait longer. It was on top the counter, so they couldn't see what I was doing. All they knew was that they were having to wait even MORE, and they were getting impatient. But what I was thinking was, "Here I am, making things extra good for you up here, if you'll just wait a little longer." That's when I heard God say, "This is what I'm doing for YOU. Making you wait because I'm busy adding blessings." That gave me hope for my future.
• I have never had a good singing voice, but I sing anyway when I'm alone or with kids. But I wish I had a beautiful voice. Last fall I was out walking, and I was singing a little praise song just for God. And I said to God, "I wish my voice was beautiful." You know what I heard God say? "Whenever you sing to ME, your voice IS beautiful."That gave me encouragement.

At the end of the year, I hold on to this...

I'm having a hard time right now. Missing my family, missing how things used to be, wanting things I apparently can't have or at least are not in God's will for me right now, wishing for things and not getting them. I've been nervous and anxious lately, looking for answers and not finding them; acting up, acting out, looking inward, pacing the living room, getting on my knees and talking to God.
This has been a very, very hard year for me. My hardest ever. My year where some of my worst fears came true. My learning year. My seeking year. My growing year. My falling apart, falling down, falling over but only halfway getting up year. My year of losing things I loved dearly and not finding them again, of picking up new things that I didn't know I had all along. The year I lost things and people I loved. The year an ache started to grow again in my heart that I'm waiting for God to take away.

Through all my sleepless, endless nights, I hold on to these verses which have become dear to my heart:
That God Himself has said-- I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. I will not, I will not, I will not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake you, nor let you down, nor relax my hold on you-assuredly not. Hebrews 13:5 (Amplified)

and this one...
My God is able to carry out His purpose and do SUPERABUNDANTLY far and above all that I dare ask or think-infinitely beyond my highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes, or dreams. Ephesians 3:20 (Amplified)

I pray that the God who knows the secret desires of my heart will understand this post far more than what I can explain... and someday... set things right.

Worship

Today I felt led to take about an hour of my busy day to stop and just worship God. Most of the time I just pray and talk to him throughout the day, like when I get up in the morning, in the shower, while I'm driving, and things like that. But today I felt like I needed to just stop everything and put on some worship music, and spend some time with God alone. The dishes and laundry could wait. Amidst the Beatles and Joyce Meyer and the Mamas and the Papas on my iPod, I've got some incredible worship music on there. So I stopped everything today for a little while.
It reminds me that I have so much to be thankful for. Since I wasn't at home to journal on Thanksgiving, here are just a few things on my list:

• The safety and happiness of my family-- that is a big one
• the constancy of God, that He never changes. That gives me great security. To know that the 10 Commandments, Jesus, and God are the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow makes me feel so much better in this ever-changing, scary world
• that one day in February I "happened" to pick up a book at Barnes and Noble by Joyce Meyer called The Battlefield of the Mind which pretty much began a huge change in my life
• that my husband and I both have new jobs that we really enjoy
• the times that God has spoken to me this year (I'll write another post on that later)
• my niece and nephew growing up healthy, strong, intelligent, and completely gifted and TOTALLY AMAZING (I may be JUST a bit biased on that, I admit)
• hot, clean water to take a shower in ever night-- every night I thank God for that, because there are so many people who do not have either
• Jesus-- 'nuff said
• that God is changing me from the person I used to be (who I hated) to the person I want to be...even though its a slow process, at least I feel like I'm getting somewhere
• that God answers prayer....even mine
• there's so much more

Handling Disappointment

I used to handle disappointment in very negative ways. I don't want to re-hash them here, but suffice it to say it was all very dramatic and sad. Now I don't give myself that option. Right now I'm home sick with the flu, and today I'm dealing with something very disappointing. Something that I really wanted to happen with someone didn't happen. A person I really wanted to work with is not going to be working with me, has taken a job elsewhere. And I'm really bummed about that. For the past few weeks I've been getting my hopes up and spending lots of time praying about this one particular thing. Praying about something I was hoping...thinking...was God's will. But now I'm wondering, was it really? I thought it was. Did I miss God? Was this thing I've been praying for and hoping for really MY will, just in disguise because I wanted it so much? Does today's disappointment line me up for something better tomorrow? Does God have something better in mind? I wish I knew. This year, ever since January, my life has been all about waiting on God. Every time I have asked God for what He wants me to do about different things, His answers are the same: "Wait" and "Let Me do it." And so I guess I will go on just... waiting... and letting God handle these things. (Sounds easy enough to do, right? Give that I am confined to my couch with the flu right now :-P ) I feel like I ought to have an honorary degree in Waiting 101 by now. I wish I knew what was going on. I feel so disappointed today.

Beautiful Quotes

I found these on my computer today and wanted to share. These are some beautiful quotes I found.
"Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love." –Rilke
There are many people who can do big things, but there are very few people who will do the small things.” Mother Theresa
And a prayer I found...
May today there be peace within you. May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content knowing that you are a child of God. Let Loves presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, and to bask in the sun. It is there for each and every one of you.

Being a Blessing

Every day when I wake up in the morning, I take a few minutes to talk to God. Since I have started doing this in the past few months, it has made my day go so much better. Just taking time right away to get the day started right. Thank God for a good night's sleep, for protecting me; for a safe, quiet house to wake up in; for a new day and a new start. Things like that.

I also ask God to help me be a blessing to people in some way. Some days I forget to say this and I've found that my days always go better when I do remember. God always helps me find someone. It always helps to get my mind of myself and look for other people who need help somehow. I'm not going to give a list of the things I do for people because God doesn't want us to brag about the things we do. God likes people to do things in secret. Its also more fun that way. I love to leave surprises for people whether it might be paying for something for them or sending them something in the mail or doing a service for them. Some days it might just be a smile or a compliment. Today God helped me find several people to be a blessing to and I'm really hoping I made their day better. Sometimes people are utterly confused. "Why are you doing this?" Some people have looked at me like I have a 3rd eyeball growing out of my forehead "Why would you want to do THAT?" a nurse asked me when I offered to pay a stranger's doctor bill. "You don't even know her." I just usually tell people "God wants you to be blessed today." But usually if I'm doing a good enough job, no one finds out who it was in the 1st place that left them a blessing. I just want to be nice to people.

Tomorrow I will post a story about a great blessing I received last December. Its a good story, so be sure to come and read it.

How can you be a blessing to someone today?

Hello!!

Hello everyone! Thank you for taking a look at my blog! I'd like to take just a minute to introduce myself. I'm in my 30's, and I'm a special education teacher living in the United States. For many, many years I have been struggling with a lot of different problems. I had a hard time growing up. I've been alone and lonely. I've had a lot of things to deal with.For years I tried to get help, only to be given up on.
For all of this year it has just been God and myself. I wanted to know from God when all of these problems would finally get better, especially when the people I was depending on gave up on me. God told me to just "wait." That was all. "Wait." So for the past several months, I have been waiting, praying, and learning about God.
God has put it in my heart to leave the past behind. To no longer talk about my problems, but to talk about the solutions. To be positive and to work on enjoying my life while I wait. In upcoming posts, I'll share all the interesting things I've been learning about.
My purpose for this blog is to post things that are positive, uplifting, joyful, and happy. Maybe sometimes some little things I'm learning along the way. For years I wallowed in negativity, focusing on my problems and trying to figure them out for myself, trying to get people to help me figure them out, and got almost nowhere. Now that I have learned to be thankful (in all circumstances) and am learning how to be more positive, I'm definitely on my way to where I want to be.
I hope that you will all join me on my new journey.
Pilgrim